Edited 17/02/2021
Soiling, sorry slightly yuk!
Viva
September 2, 2013 16:13
I don''t post here very often, but when I have have always found everyone to be so helpful. We are presently awaiting some post adoptive support but one of the issues that we are struggling with seems rather pressing and I wondered if anyone might have had a similar issue with any of their adopted children? My AD aged 7 poo''s in her pants when she is struggling with things, sometimes it''s little more than a few marks in her pants other times it''s a proper poo, she''s been doing this on and off for just over a year. It had not been a problem at all for about 2 1/2 months then she found out that she was changing class and met her new teacher then it all started again. We are not entirely sure what all of the things that worry her are as she is unable to talk about things at all when she is upset and just gets really angry if we try. Worse still she often won''t let us clean her up and is not able to do a good enough job at all herself, in fact she often just makes things much worse, she can get very angry and aggressive. Once or twice my DH has had to hold her to enable me to clean her, which we hate as it''s an invasion of her privacy, ironically she always calms as soon as we start to clean her. we are sure that this reluctance and anger is shame based, but even though we don''t get cross and reassure her as much as possible we don''t seem to be making any progress.of course it''s back to school in a couple of days and we are at a loss to know what to ask the school to do, we don''t want to increase her shame by making a big deal about it, but it''s got worse over the summer and she''s going into year 3 so any ''accidents'' will be considered less acceptable.I will be seeing her teacher, who is new to the school, ASAP.Any thoughts gratefully appreciated.X
Milly
September 2, 2013 17:08
My dd had a soiling problem until she was 9 or 10. She didn't resist being cleaned though and wasn't even embarressed about it until about the age of 7 or 8, so not quite the same situation. She was never that good at self cleaning - one thing I did was to get her to strip from the waist down if we were home and stand in the shower. I'd direct the water and she would clean herself. That might work for you?I would also recommend getting the school nurse involved. Ours was very clear about the role of the school in encouraging toileting and the school never made any fuss about helping her clean up. (She has other SEN and they seemed to regard it as all part of that)The only other tip I can give is to accept she has the problem rather than trying too hard to solve it. IME it does get better and it saved me a lot of stress by not letting it get to me - took me a while to get to that point, mind you.
Edited 17/02/2021
Viva
September 2, 2013 17:20
Thanks Milly, to be honest I don't find the soiling to be the thing I find hardest, although it isn't nice for her and I worry other children will notice and she'll be teased, they haven't yet though! It's more the ordeal that cleaning her up I'd, unfortunately I think trying to get her in the shower would probably make the situation worse :-( Will speak to the school nurse though.
Edited 17/02/2021
Lolapola
September 2, 2013 18:42
Hi Viva, I don't have any experience, but I do remember reading a good section in 'Next Steps in Parenting the Child Who Hurts' by Caroline Archer who seemed to have some good suggestions as to causes and solutions for incontinence. All the best with the start of the new term. Lolapola x
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hillman
September 2, 2013 22:51
hi,Just to say my son who is nearly 6 is a stool with holder and soils every day. He gets one to one help because of it at school. I agree with Milly, on some level you just have to accept it happens rather than stressing about it all the time (I've done this for years). My mum drives me mad at the moment because she seems to think there will be some massive breakthrough, and there won't. Also get the school involved. They will be sympathetic. Have you looked at whether she is getting constipated? It can be linked to soiling.Do message me if you want to discuss it any more. I'm not here every day but I am aroundHillman
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blueberry2
September 3, 2013 17:02
Yes, slight constipation was the problem with us too - (blockage causes a leakage), so a GP visit and medicine helped improve the situation. It also helped to make a "positive" fuss whenever she did a poo for a week or two, which was daily with the help of the medicine. It certainly helped for a good couple of months, though extra pressure seems to set it off again. But thanks to the medicine, she's at least had a "good" experience of poo-ing at the right times and places, so worth looking into.BB2
Edited 17/02/2021
soon2be3
September 3, 2013 18:28
Hi, my AS is nearly 10 and we have exactly the same.He is encouraged to sit on the toilet the same time everyday and lots of positive praise given etc.Tomorrow when he goes back to school, i will have a bag in his school bag with clean pants in case he has an accident. He is OK at changing himself and found this the most discrete way for him.I normally always keep a pair of cleqn pants in my bag as can never really know when he will need them. It is becoming less.
Edited 17/02/2021
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