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Stumped!

sooz September 1, 2013 18:34
Ds, 7, is (reasonably) well behaved when he is with me, I generally don''t take much carp from him but also praise him and we chat quite a bit about stuff.My problem is when I''m not around, even if I''m in another room and out of earshot ds is becoming increasingly rude, bossy and mean to other people.He upset my mother, again, this afternoon while they were in the garden, I was indoors, he wouldn''t stop doing what he was doing until my mother said she would tell me. He instantly stopped and said please don''t tell mummy.It''s like the only thing that keeps him in line is me.School have problems with him too, unless they say they are going to talk to me.So, I can keep him close, where possible. But how do you get across that he needs to behave even when I''m not around? It sounds silly to be asking that question but I''ve tried talking to him about it, telling him straight, role playing, removing privileges but he repeats the same behaviour over and over.For me he will open doors, help do chores, offer me his last sweet, hug me,, laugh with me, give up his seat and generally treat me with respect. None of that feels put on, he''s very genuine. (Other days he''s a typical 7 year old boy and will test the boundaries a lot, but he''s rarely rude)I guess I''m worrying my son behaves because he has to, not because he wants to and lacks understanding. He resents being told what to do by anyone except me.Any pearls of wisdom?
Edited 17/02/2021
FlorenceR September 1, 2013 19:30
I totally empathise. Our little man is 5 and is like this to a certain extent. For us it's mainly mischief or refusal to do stuff when he is not with us rather than rudeness. At home I can get him to do school work and concentrate for 40 minutes - at school he's a lost cause and the trouble he can get up to at break times is a real worry.I have no answers at present but just wanted to say thanks for posting as I am also hoping for some strategies from others!
Edited 17/02/2021
RussianDoll September 1, 2013 20:28
Hi SoozI have no answers either but our AD is exactly the same. She is 10 and has been with us for almost 6 years.I can leave a room, hide behind the door and hear it all starting with her brother, dad or anyone else who happens to be there.I so wish we could sort this out as I don't feel able to leave her with anyone for fear of her being rude or taking advantage.lets hope someone else has some ideas.
Edited 17/02/2021
Littlemisscheerful September 2, 2013 12:38
Is it anxiety driven do you think? Does he know how long it'll be before you come back?Do you think a transitional object as a 'mum by proxy' would help?On the bright side, I think my mum would love it if she could say that to my dds and they responded! (they can be lovely but if they're in a mood, they can be horrible).
Edited 17/02/2021

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