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New adopters - advice wanted

Marky06 January 13, 2021 18:02

Hi All,

We are in the early stages of the adoption process, and are doing lots of research, reading and podcast listening! We have not yet sent off our formal application, but have reached out to our local athority. Currently we are reading through all the initial paperwork, and thinking about how we can put ourselves in the best position, and when we should put in the formal application.

I have a few questions, that I would appreciate some advice.

Firstly, we are due to get married in April 21, Covid will likely cause this to be a delayed, and for it to move to our back up date in Sept 21. If the wedding does not happing in April as planned, we don't really want to wait until the end of the year to start the process, The social workers have indicated that this maybe an issue with them, as they would like us to have this life experience before we start the process, and they would worry about the extra pressure that the wedding may have.

Personally I feel like this is a little unfair, as the wedding is something that is out of our control, and the whole thing is organised, so we literally just need the gov guidelines to change for us to move forward with it, but I can understand the concern.

My questions is: do you think we should wait until after the wedding in April / Sept or should fill in the formal application once we know if it can happen in April?

Second questions is about gaining experience with children, we have some expense with my nephews / godchildren including babysitting, days out, etc, and hope when the restrictions ease we can continue to gain more experience with them.

I am trying to think outside the box for volunteer opportunities, and wondered what others have done, and any recommendations of what we can do. I would like it to be worthwhile, and not just a box ticking for the social workers.

I would be grateful for any advice you guys can provide!



Edited 17/02/2021
Jingle bells January 13, 2021 20:07

Can you get married in April, with the minimum people, then have a celebration reception when it’s allowed.

Edited 17/02/2021
Marky06 January 13, 2021 20:39

Hi Jingle bells, Thank you for your reply!

This is something we have considered, and something our wedding venue has offered.

Our plan would be to see what happens with Covid, and if we can go ahead in April with 30 people we will, but if it is 15 we will likely either get married, and do the celebration in Sept, or move the whole day to Sept. If we can't go ahead we are thinking of submitting the formal application, in April and explain the situation of the wedding, but the lady I spoke to today was not convinced that this would be acceptable for them to start the process, but this would be discussed in the initial interview.

We have been lucky with our wedding venue that they have saved dates for couple that need to move their wedding in 2021, most couples are having to move to 2022. The though of waiting until the end of the year to even start the process because we have a wedding planned, with no real certainty that in Sept things will be back to "normal" seems a little unfair not to be able to start the process.

Edited 17/02/2021
Donatella January 14, 2021 08:10

I suspect whichever route you decide on, your journey may take time anyway - difficult getting childcare experience which, despite the obvious issues, sws still seem to be expecting. And medicals- which clearly aren’t a priority for GPs right now.

Planning a wedding can be stressful particularly right now I would imagine when it’s hard to plan anything any time in advance so it’s entirely likely that sws will want you to get that out of the way. Alternatively park all the arrangements for the time being and focus on adoption.

In itself, it’s not anything new - moving house, weddings etc whilst at the same time going through the adoption process will be stressful and sws usually aren’t particularly keen on both happening simultaneously. Of course it’s trickier atm with Covid but, that aside, not unusual.

You could use the time to continue to prepare, to look for childcare experience and to figure out how on earth you’ll get your medical done!

Good luck

Edited 17/02/2021
Marky06 January 14, 2021 18:40

Hi Donatella,

Everything is a hard work at the moment, like you say I think the best thing to do is to take the next few months and find the childcare experience and continue to do the reading and research. If the schools go back our local school have said that I can volunteer in the after school club, so hopefully that is something I can do,

Just a really frustrating situation to think we will have to wait until the end of the year for something we feel like we are ready to start now, but I guess everything happens for a reason!

Edited 17/02/2021
Donatella January 14, 2021 19:50

But when you have your children then this’ll all be forgotten about. Easy to say I know ... we waited 15 months post approval for our first, 20 months for our second ... number 3 was an unexpected addition who arrived not that long after our second son! Eldest’s sibling.

They’re now 19, 16 and 15 - not without their difficulties but one in uni, one doing As and one on her gcse course and looking at college options! It’s gone in a flash ... ish ... well, apart from the endless battles with education etc!

Edited 17/02/2021
January 15, 2021 21:31

Hi Mark

We can't help with the wedding decisions sorry but for experience... It will have to be when covid is over but we volunteered with our local junior parkrun and my partner did some football coaching. I also did some mentoring with a young person through a local charity (this is still happening virtually even through covid).

Also, we're just at the end of stage 1 and it's been 3 months. We're expecting another 6 months before panel so I'd get the ball rolling now with your application (and start pestering your GP for a medical) as the process does take time, remember you can choose to have a little break too if needs be.

Good luck x

Edited 17/02/2021
January 18, 2021 17:01

We were approved in April 20 and were due to get married in June 20, which was cancelled. Got moved to Sept 20 and the wedding went ahead with very limited guests (4!). We were linked with a child a week later and have just had matching panel for him. Neither agency made an issue out of the wedding. Not sure why it would be an issue really.

Edited 17/02/2021
Marky06 January 19, 2021 12:23

Hi All,

Thank you for taking the time to reply, we have decided to sit on it for a few months, see what Feb and March brings, and continue to plan as normal. Squirrel93 it interesting that they hadn't said anything to you, hopefully when we put the actually application in and explain the situation they will be O.K with it .

I have found a couple of options for volunteering at our local school, so hopefully in a few months will be able to crack on with that!

I hope all your journeys go well!!

Edited 17/02/2021
lilih78iv June 11, 2021 11:05

hello. how everyone is finding the gaining experience? for us its seems to be very hard, in the sense that we find very difficult to approach schools, nurseries. reason being that if they ask when we will start the process, we do not know; seems like we are preparing for something which we are at the mercy of LA or agencies, as they could tell us no. we have been rejected due to experience. also seems like we are rejected as our circle isn't one full of parents. being a childless couple we find hard to integrate in a parent club.

our families ( mine and my husband's) isn't that big, hence there aren't many children that we can be exposed to.

any advice?

thank you


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