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Shoplifting - it’s only a matter of time before my AD is arrested

SewingBee July 19, 2022 23:22

My AD is 14. She moved in with us when she was 6. There have been a few occasions in the last two years where we realised that she was stealing money from us and shoplifting. I was with her on two occasions this year when she shoplifted ! My younger AD alerted me to the last time.

I know my AD is likely to shoplift tomorrow before school. What do I do? I can’t stop her going into shops on the way to school. She will deny having shoplifted before and any intention to do so in the future. It’s likely to be down to her lack of impulse control. She is already under CAMHS for depression and low mood with traits of attachment disorder. She hasn’t started any therapy yet but it’s being worked on.

I’m sure many of you out there have either gone through this or are going through it now. What’s worked? What have you tried in the face of self righteous indignation and denial? How do you avoid the Shield of Shame being triggered?

Safia July 20, 2022 13:00

My daughter used to take lots of stuff from school when she was at primary and I just put it in a bag and gave it back. It was meaningless stuff though - peoples pencil cases etc . Once or twice she took stuff from shops and I just took it off her. Other people have taken their kids back to the shop to hand it in but I didn’t because of the shame reaction you mentioned. 14 is a difficult age though and probably wouldn’t work for her. Try and keep calm and not react in any discussion. Let her know you know she’s taking things sometimes (don’t get drawn into an argument about it) and that you are worried. Again calmly explain the possible implications for her. Try and ask her gently if she knows why she’s doing it. Though she probably doesn’t. Check she has enough money and reassure her she can ask for more if she needs it within reason. Bryan Post has written a good book about this though I can’t remember the title - will try to find it and post it later

Safia July 20, 2022 14:02

The great behaviour breakdown

beyond consequences

from fear to love

bryon post institute


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