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JelliesI don't have the money to pay a full subscription to AUK for just the use of one private board.The other things like training, magazine etc are no longer relevant to me and my situation.The boards are.A private board would be greatly helpful to me, but I could not pay even £45 for just the use of one board.That's why I asked AUK earlier for a special rate for those of us who do need use of the private board, but have no use now for the other things that AUK provides.And I am STILL waiting for a reply!

Well said Pluto. I've been a regular poster on here for the past 7 years. I have always been happy to support the boards and the people who post on here asking questions as I like to try and help make adoptions work, being both an adoptee and adopter. I think sharing our stories and our experiences and opinions/thoughts/recommendations helps everyone, whatever stage they are at in their adoption journey. I have always agreed that there should be "one" private board for those who need to discuss things in more privacy, but I really feel that if the "majority" of the boards become private then a lot of people like myself will drift away and find other forums to take part in and we will lose a lot of people by doing this. Part of the attraction of these boards is the wide variety of posts and experience which will be lost if the boards are predominently private. As Pluto says, if you come on here and see it quiet, with no new posts, they you will just leave and not bother coming back. Is that supporting adopters, I think not.

On the whole I agree with Suffolk Puff and others that the boards need to be private in the main and imo are worth paying for. We, and more to the point our children, are vulnerable to privacy being breached on public boards. And other adopters do tend to understand, where one's closest extended family members and friends do not always.However, I think there are limits to mutual cyber support (or even mutual real life support) for adopters in very difficult situations. I think we often risk burnout just from trying to fire fight our own situations, and do not always have much left over with which to support others. I don't think that in that sense private boards will be a cure all. The greater freedom to express it all might actually put some people off and make them feel overwhelmed.There need to be both public and private boards and we must hope AUK get the balance right.

Yes Fruitcake I agree, but in the same vein, if most of the boards are private members only, surely newly signed up prospective adopters will be scared off if they are reading posts from those with very disturbed children, it might actually make them run away before they have even adopted.I think the private members board should only be accessible to those who already have had children placed, and you should have to prove this before being given access to this board.This would help those who need to talk about their childrens issues in more detail to feel more secure knowing that newcomers or browsers are not reading their sensitive posts.Prospective and not yet approved people shouldn't really be able to access this facility too early on IMO or it would defeat the purpose of having a private board in the first place.

Well, there's an end of it for me. After a dozen years of mainly giving and a little bit of taking it looks like people like me are on the scrapheap. As most of you know, I do have a few issues with AUK, mainly in that they don't/can't support us while they are funded by advertising in CWW. So they fail us with increasing regularity. I cannot afford a massive £45 a year on top of the £100 a year I spend on professional registration, the £12 a year I spend being a member of a group for a lifelong condition I suffer from ... and all those other things we have to pay for. £45 is a lot more than other charities ask. And a lot more than other online groups I belong to ask. For a postal library, a part-time phone line and a few message boards? Hmm...I can see (but don't agree) why people want one private board. But if most of the boards are private most of the expertise and support will walk. I'm already in 2 other adopters' groups elsewhere and I think people will just move away from here. bizzy

Maybe that is the plan Bizzy.I looked for the first time yesterday at the AUK FB page. That explains why these boards and the website are 2nd class citizens; the info and everything that AUK is involved in etc is clearly put on there very quickly. That is good, but it also shows that this website comes second and the message boards a very low 3rd (probably 4th actually - after twitter).Would anyone be interested in doing a live time trial of most of the boards being private ?What I mean by that is; would regular posters consider not responding to posts for say 48 hours and only pm each other or reply via pm to any folk who are distressed/ need urgent advice.We may then see, what the mostly private members only boards would do.Just a thought.Jellies

I'd like a trial on the mostly private boardsBut I'd just like 1privateboard trial first Then we can see if its a 'keeper'?

Hi JelliesYes, I would be up for this 48 hour 'trial'.See how everything goes if people don't post publicly.But of course pm people they think may be in need of real support.And, if you think about it... as I have.... when AUK contacts people in distress and says "we have p/m'd you to give you support".... their messages actually quote the opening times of the AUK Helpline. They don't actually give individual advice to the person.And that's what each of US has been doing for YEARS.So, yes, I would like to participate in your 48 hour trial and see how it works.After all, that's what AUK is planning to do when it closes the vast majority of the boards.x

I'm very grateful to AUK (for providing this message board as a place for me to come and look) for information (in the main whilst I was a prospective adopter – about processes, time scales and such like). It must be incredibly difficult from a financial perspective for a charity such as this to keep afloat. I think it's fabulous that AUK plan to keep the message board resource, and I think private boards are absolutely essential for people who feel they need daily/regular support from other adopters (that daily level of activity on any sort of online discussion site will always become a 'community' in itself). You don't want to alienate daily users, nor do you want to alienate a raft of potential new users. I think revamped open boards are a good opportunity to make things that bit more diverse and inclusive. I'd welcome open boards that prospective adopters can transition to (because most prospectives never appear on the adopters section). In the early days of placement it's good to have a place where general questions can be asked, and diverse opinion sought. Often people just want to hear that their feelings are 'normal', and just read how the experience has gone for others in the early days. They're not necessarily looking for advice, just looking to chat with kindred spirits. I don't need to become a full member of AUK, nor do I need access to a private forum. I'm passionate about adoption though, and I'd be happy to make a contribution to AUK in order to post on open message boards and to share my experience with other adopters/prospectives. Most discussion sites stay afloat by offering features (avatars, extra search facilities etc.) for members who pay a modest fee, perhaps that could be considered. Given that AUK is a charity, I've often wondered why you don't have a visible way of making a charitable contribution – I'd have done so by now if there were the option, it'd be a perfectly acceptable (an obvious, actually) thing to do. It would allow the chance for closer moderation, certainly in terms of advice around medical (general health/mental health) issues. It's something (IMO) you need to be very careful and responsible about if you are running an open forum (certainly of the handful of other discussion sites I visit, medical/diagnostic advice is always closely moderated and disclaimered). These are just my thoughts as a very occasional (but could be more frequent, given the right environment) user of the message board, certainly I'd hope that my last point is something that AUK will give serious thought to when laying out the new open section of the site.

I have just found out about the revamp meaning mostly private boards - I am horrified that AUK site is to become purely a business venture where mney determines whether adopters and potentials can access the help they need, and not an includive diverse support service it was.I (currently) dont have much need for the boards to gain support but happily willingly and proactively frequent them to support others through my experiences. I suppose I woudl pay for receiving much needed support if needs be but I certainly wont be paying to offer my support to others, so does this mean the boards will then be occupied mostly by those in real difficulties, not a balanced view and little positivity I might suppose.Am I worng to assume that it will be mostly families having difficult times will pay to use the private boards? if so, then, when we are already facing a serious shortage of potential adopters, where will people go for re-assurance? Definitely not the boards as those "success storeis" like me wont be here any more.I totally agree that there should be private boards, I absolutely understand where some adopters (at beginning of post) have been driven fromt eh only impacting support they have by inappropriate repsonces and by being identified - I totally see a need for a private board, but one (as I see it) where people have to prove they are an adopter, and not a birth parent or a social worker, both of whom would be damaging to the security of the adopter, but why will most of the board become private where you have to pay?? I could invisage a multi layered approach to security:OPEN: an entirely open public board for those toying with the idea of adoption or going through early stages where they can ask questions re the process and reality of being an adopter, open so they get a balanced view from success and difficulties.PRIVATE: approved members ONLY board, where approved means every member has to prove they are adopters or FC, banned for birth families and social workers - place where we can all be honest about the place we are in and the situations we face without fear of identification - its pretty easy for anyone out there to draw up a picture and identify any of use over time by reading our postsINVITATION ONLY: highly restricted and only for those who are in extreme situations where there is significant danger and risk and confidentiality is criticalthe layout of the boards could be as is, eg everyone can see every group but when you try to access the limited groups it will say "not authorised" if you are not in that group. This appraoch works and is not too arduous (I believe). I used to frequent Baby Centre during my time of infertility and belonged to several groups relevant to my situation at that time and some were restricted invitation only with volunteered moderators and disclaimers.None of these should be paid only. Surely when you ask for survey from the board members you want everyones view not just those who can afford to pay?Shame on you AUK - where is the lighthouse true, free and rounded voice of adoption now? Instead you are building a VERY limited clicque group who can afford to join. I will not be paying myself.I will gladly extend my apologies if I have this all wrong. Maybe an update of exactly how the members only approach will work would be helpful.

Dear AUkOver the years I have been a member and am currently not a member. I have posted about my own issues and have also given advice to numerous people. I take my role as a volunteer though never formally appointed to AUK very seriously. As a volunteer you recieve 5 years of health visiting knowlege, 10 years of CAMHS nurse therapist knowledge and now 2 years of safeguarding children knowledge as well as 13 years knowledge of parenting one child with RAD and one with ADHD, dyslexia and dyspraxia.Fot those of us who are very regular posters can we recive honorary membership or reduced membership in recognition of our hours of time spent supporting fellow adopters.many thanksHomertonPS can't do Facebook hate it as this is where my children were abused by their birth family

sapphirezodiac I really think a 48 hour trial of mostly private boards would be a good thing for AUK to get organised.I mentioned this at the beginning of this month.However, and very sadly, no response from AUK at all about this.SO; I am now thinking that each time any of us write on this thread, the next person who reads, reports it to the online community team.I have never been clear if the online community team have other jobs within AUK but I have been wondering of late - the boards are absolutely 2nd class citizens for AUK, the AUK FB page and twitter get alot more (and very prompt ) responses. There is more uptodate info about things(news etc) that I have moaned about NOT being on this website. Presumably the online team manage the FB page and twitter and also possibly have some input into the First4Adoption website too.Like another poster on a different thread, I am perhaps very cynical, but I do think AUK are making this website and certainly the message boards, so unhelpful, that the demise will then seem to be a natural demise rather than an organised one.I say again, lets have a trial of these mostly private boards. Bottom line is that these boards are a lifeline for many, give and receive good advice and allow adopters to feel less isolated. We just want ONE private board, but boards we want !jellies7PS and some sort of response for AUK would be nice.

great idea - you are now duly reported :-) or should I report myself hahathis stuff does get me mad - flippin eck we are all doing everyting we can to help each other, why do we need to pay to do thisPrivate boards - not an issue with the right selection criteriapay only boards - not on

Dear Users,The Online Community team has followed the discussion on this thread with interest.They have not responded sooner as they weren’t able to share any more information than was in their original post (about the website development project), but I feel that a degree of clarification is required at this point.Firstly, Adoption UK does not give different prominence or spend more time on social media channels over our website or the message boards. They are all different channels, to be used in different ways for different things, at different times.As described in our original post, our current plan is that registered non-members will still be able to use parts of the boards. We value the contribution made by all our users, member and non-member alike, regulars, “newbies” and those who simply read the boards and only post occasionally. As things stand at the moment, there will continue to be opportunities for non-members to both ask for and give support.With regards to the suggestion made by Jellies to undertake a “trial” the Online Community Team did not respond to this suggestion as the message wasn’t directed at them.Finally, I would like to draw everyone’s attention to our Rules of Use regarding deliberate misuse of the Reported Topic facility:“Reporting message board contentIf you are concerned about the content of a message board post, either by another user or yourself, please use the ‘report this post’ link located underneath the post in question. This reported post system is anonymous. Adoption UK will only respond directly to a report if the reporter has included their online username and/or if a reply is deemed necessary by the online community moderators and/or Adoption UK. Deliberate misuse of the reported topic facility is not permitted. Alternatively, you can report posts to the Adoption UK moderators in the first instance at ---- EMAIL REDACTED ----”To clarify, misuse means:> Using the facility to bully or harass members of Adoption UK staff.> Using it for anything other than to report offensive posts or where a troll is suspected.> Using it to criticise other users’ choice of board.In instances of serious/persistent breaches of the Rules of Use, Adoption UK will issue a formal warning and operates on a ‘three strikes' policy. Adoption UK reserves the right to temporarily suspend an online user’s profile or permanently ban users from posting on the message boards. In the case of the latter, subsequent attempts to re-register as a user of the message boards by a banned user, will be blocked.We are all committed to the purpose of these boards - to provide help and support on matters associated with adoption and to all those going through their adoption journey. Behaviour that persistently interferes with that purpose will also be considered as a breach of the Rules of Use.I can assure you that the Online Community Team continues to work very hard to maintain all aspects of our current digital presence - on the website, on the message boards or on social media – as well as working with our website partner to develop the new website and contributing to the development of the whole organisation, as required.The Online Community Team can always be contacted via private message or by email using ---- EMAIL REDACTED ----All the best,Alison FrecknallHead of Publishing and Marketing

AlisonMany thanks for responding.So, do I take it that by mentioning my suggestion about a trial of members only boards, you have now understood that the suggestion was indeed directed to AUK/Online Community team ?If you have, will you now consider that suggestion ?If having considered the suggestion, you decide to agree to do it, could you inform the users of the message boards when we are to start the trial and which boards will be the trial AUK members only boards so that we know which boards are out of bounds.Many thanks for highlighting the rules as regards reporting posts. OTHER READERS: PLEASE IGNORE MY RATHER TONGUE IN CHEEK SUGGESTION TO REPORT EACH OF THE POSTS ON THIS THREAD. Having suggested such a thing was very immature of me (although it seems to have hit the right note, in that we have had a response of sorts).Jellies

Omg.

Dear Me.....

Dear Jellies,I’ve spoken to the Online Community Team and I’m afraid that they are not able to follow up on your suggestion.There isn’t the resource available to arrange it, and we also feel that it wouldn’t necessarily be a real reflection of what the new message boards will be like.As we have said, retaining some open boards for all registered users, while most boards are for members only is our current position. This position is always under review and we will, of course monitor the effects on the boards after the launch too.All the best,Alison.

Onto the WFP bench you go....

Due to recent developments on the boards I decided to take a break and have not been on here for 5 days at all. I wanted to see if being on here so often was just a kind of addiction and if I would miss it. The surprising thing was, I didn't miss it one bit and actually feel a lot better for not being on here. The atmosphere of "us" and "them" has been getting worse and worse over the years and instead of AUK supporting us and appreciating all we users do to support each other (for free), it seems that they resent us and want to silence us, and for us vocal ones to go away. Turning most of the boards private will achieve just that. It is not a democratic - "what would most users like?" It is very much - "this is what we are intending to do and you can like it or lump it", however much they try to word it.Being both an adoptee and adopter I have always been dedicated to promoting adoption and tried to support others who have adopted. I have not ever expected any thanks for this as I have like others chosen to do this, but due to recent developments and the general tone from those that run this site, I'm afraid I will not be participating in these boards any longer until they see sense and actually listen to us. (I am quite shocked at Auk's reply to Jellies trial suggestion). I will however check in from time to time to check my pm's and will happily give my email to anyone who would like to stay in touch. It is very sad that it has come to this, but I really do not want to participate in an organisation that treats it's users/members with such contempt.(Jellies I will pm you to catch up)