Larkhill
June 27, 2019 21:22
Would appreciate some top tips before I start therapy with my AD later this year. She is 7 (been with me 5 yrs) and has been diagnosed with a couple of attachment challenges (avoidant and ambivalent). One flash point we have is pick up from school, after school club and childminder etc which with my basic understanding of attachment is about missing me but not wanting to, being cross with me and lots of other mixed emotions. She is often agressive, shoutjng, kicking, very upset and demanding. Its upsetting and embarrassing for me and makes me dread pick ups. I hope to get some therapy sorted in the next few months but in the meantime can anyone offer some tips and strategies to ease the tension? Thanks so much
Donatella
June 28, 2019 19:46
It could be many things - not necessarily just attachment. Does she struggle with transitions generally? Moving from one activity to another? Is she one of these children who are ‘fine’ in school but who in reality is just holding it together until her safe person comes along - you? She feels safe with you so can just let it all out! The bottle of pop effect - just fizzes up and explodes? What is she like at drop off? Eager to leave you? Clingy?
Visual timetables may help so that she knows what will be happening and when. Letting her out of the classroom last - after all the other kids/mums have disappeared so they don’t witness the meltdown. Been there!
Could there possibly be anything else in the mix? We spent years assuming attachment with my now 15 year old. And it actually wasn’t the prime difficulty. He was dx with adhd at 6 and ASD at 9 so it may be worth considering other clinical stuff? What about the pregnancy? Any chance bm abused alcohol while pregnant?
Im not suggesting you discount all attachment/trauma issues, just that our children are complex and there may be more to consider?
One other thing - does she actually understand emotions - what they look like, what they feel like etc?
Bluemetro
June 29, 2019 11:42
I was thinking along similar lines to Donatella. My DS was also later diagnosed with ADHD and ASD and finds school difficult. It got worse from 7 when school got harder. I have picked him up from football club when he has found a decision difficult and I have been rejected as if I have made the decision and have had to be very sympathetic in understanding it was hard. We also find a lot of controlling behaviour when school has been hard as he has usually managed to keep it together in school all day. His school have recently agreed to giving him sensory breaks during the day which help.
