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No Contact with my Brother

FeedME January 11, 2022 12:25

Hi All,

Myself and my biological brother are estranged with no contact and we don't get along at all. We grew up from age 12 separat ( I went to boarding school, then residential College, then lived away from the family for work). I have 2 step brothers (one on my dads side, one my mums side) i'm on very good terms with the step brother on my dads side. Although i have meet the step brother on my mums side as we where both adults when they married we are not at all close.

My SW is doing lots of investigations on this topic, it's not something i thought would be a big issue, after all most families have personality clashes. I have then herd that it can be grounds for refusal for adoption. I was wondering if other people have experienced this and what the outcomes where?

Donatella January 12, 2022 07:47

I’m a bit unclear … are you saying you’re being assessed to adopt? In which case your sw will want, as part of the process, to get a handle on existing family relationships and dynamic. It’s part of the assessment. She may want to meet some of them and explore why there’s a family rift.

Doesn’t mean you won’t get approved - just that it will get explored.

SCHeart January 12, 2022 08:45

I wouldn't worry too much, it's perfectly normal for social workers to explore family dynamics. I have a large family on my mother's side, biological father's side and stepfather's side. My stepfather (who I class as my dad) has been my father from age 8 and I have had no relationship with my biological father since then, I am now in my 30's. Additionally I have no relationship with any cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents on any side. I also have a biological brother whom I have no relationship with. I see him maybe once a year at Christmas, but there is no connection there. My social worker explored this by discussing it in detail with me. However they were happy with my responses and understood, they did not need to get in contact with family members for further information as it wasn't necessary. Many family's have different dynamics and are not always close. I think the best thing for you to do is just be completely open and give detail as to your reasons behind your relationships with your family and then you shouldn't have any issues.

The main thing social workers want to establish is what support network you have around you and how strong it is. If you have strong relationships with your parents and they will be involved in supporting you and your adopted child then that is a support network. If you have a solid group of friends, even if it's only a small group, then this is a support network. My partner and I were approved and both of us have limited relationships with our family, however have very strong relationships with our parents, and we also only have a couple of close friends. None of this was a problem in becoming approved adopters, however we have had many situations arise from children's social workers where they will reject us as they feel we don't have a large enough support network, so just be prepared for things like that.

Many adopted children will come with a lot of challenges and ultimately there will be many situations where you will need respite from caring for the child, even if it's just a night out once or twice a month, they want to know that you have people in your life who will be able to step in and care for your child and provide you the support you will need. They want to know that you have people in your life that you can pick up the phone to and be able to offload any pent up feelings or frustrations, or if you need guidance and support.

Don't worry, your situation sound's perfectly normal to me. Good luck in the process.


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