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Christmas

Boardgamemums December 2, 2021 15:56

Our DS (4) will be having his 4th Christmas in a 4th different family. He has been with us 9 months.

This week he told me that he "wanted a bad Christmas". When I explored this further lots of tangled up fears came out, fear santa won't know where he lives, fears santa will forget him, fears santa won't fit down our chimney, fears about santa being in the house, and I suspect fears he isn't "good" enough for santa (this last one is me making a guess).

Basically santa has a lot to answer for! So I am cross at santa. Why do we persist in this myth when it is clearly damaging our traumatised children?

One part of me wants to defy social pressure to buy into the myth and just tell him santa doesn't exist, but my OH would not go for this.

Any advice?

(He coped remarkably well with his birthday recently, so this seems to be specific to the hype of Christmas)

Bluemetro December 2, 2021 17:02

We followed suggestion of others and did not discuss Santa as a real person. A bit different here though as AS was 10 months at placement although came to us after his first Christmas.

The reason for this was as others suggested, if you don't tell the truth regarding this will he think others things we say about his past life are made up as well as the idea of a stranger coming in.

It is obviously different in your case as there will be memories.

We just talked about what he would like for Christmas and made him aware that there would be presents from different people and when he mentioned Santa just explained it, although he knew not to tell others. He was happy with that.

Christmas has been quite difficult here as the anticipation is difficult to cope with. When he was younger he used to open a small present each day for about a week and we eventually celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve. He also found lots of people difficult, so we tended to see family at different times and kept the actual present day to just us.

One Christmas Day we walked to our local park and met a family from his old nursery also there.

We have always kept it as low key as possible, even when some relatives didn't understand. We have had fun together though.

chestnuttree December 2, 2021 18:14

One of my daughters became unsettled during her first Christmas. I went the opposite way from pp and turned Santa into a messenger by writing my children annual Santa letters. In the first letter "Santa" told them how special they were to him and that he was so glad they now had a forever family and one that was so kind and safe. He told them how proud he was of them and when he would bring their presents. I wrote things to make them feel loved, safe and special and then told them a funny story that had happened with Rudolph, the elfs and so on.

My children loved Santa and one of my daughters really went for the magic of it all and thought about Santa all year long. She was very disappointed when she found out that Santa does not exist, but never worried that we would be lying to her about other things. Like Bluemetro, we told our children some presents were from Santa, others from relatives and friends, so Christmas was not wholly dependent on Santa. However, my children could generally handle excitement, lots of people and transitions well.

Edited 02/12/2021

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