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HI, I am sorry that you are going through this. I have had a very very angry AS, and I do wonder if the physical aggression thing is slightly different with a male. Not sure. I had to take a very tought stance on that.......he moved out, and now is physical with his girlfriends. This wont necessarily happen as you have a AD. But I do think that being physical is a no no whoever it is. And that has to be a bottom line. the utter rudeness is horrible, but I used to blank out the swearing and disdain so that it didnt get to me in the end. I do think that if she manages sleepovers well, and isnt a problem for her friend's parents, and is safe enough, then let her have as many as she likes and enjoy the relief from the rudeness and disdain in the home towards you. Its really hard because you want a relationship with your daughter, and she is not letting you. It hurts like hell, but whilst she is in this mood, maybe the best thing is to let her know you love her, and that you are here for her, but actually if she wants to behave like this, then you have other better things to do. Treat yourself, take time for yourself, and let her do what she needs to. Maybe in a while she will want more of a relationship, and realise how awful she has been, but maybe she will not. Many of our poor children just dont. My AS only wants me for money. Thats it! Not one other thing. No love atall, and no care and no empathy. But we do have a very weird relationship of some sort, and I do hope that as he matures, this may improve. But I am certainly not holding one ounce of breath. I have very loving relationships with my AD, and my new DP, and family and friends. The door is always open to my AS but sometimes we just have to let go. Easier said than done, I know. Suffolkpunch once posted on here, that our kids brains are like sieves, and however much love, support and care we pour in, it just leaks out all over the place. that image has really helped me. It is so so true. Good good luck. Take as much support as you can from people on here. The support is the best gold dust in the world. x

HiThe violence, whatever the reasons behind it must stop and if she's above the age of 10, she can and will be prosecuted for domestic violence.This cannot continue.I think that once you have reached this point and you cannot contain her The puberty hits and hormones are unleashed and there's got to be containment around you/ her.See what ss come up with planned support wise but realistically there's no way she can remain with you at home showing her love and affection and her punnnishing you physically Bryan post did encouragement of verbals like your f offs, because he feels drawing this out, farms the aggression out safely and you can maintain things You need a lot of moral and practical support to do this successfully I think. But it's worth a try. His book is short and easy, called from fear to love.I think her anger and rejection is real. Perhaps having a lot of physical activities like kick boxing/ running/ assault courses/ diving/ trampolining will help things.I got partridge a punch bag in his room for the swells of anger.

Re the drinkingThink that has scared herShe's felt free, lost without the wonderful kind parenting boundaries and in horrendous danger and faced with the real prospects of what a damaged future she might have.Check out that holly van gulden thing I put on here about the roadmap to leaving home, I wonder if she thinks she's on a trajectory to hell and in fact there's lots of options and many teens make mistakes and recover, learning from them.Choosing differently

Thank you for all the good advice and support. Back from the latest sleepover and seems a bit more relaxed. PearTree I will check out the Holly van Gulden stuff you mention. I have the Bryan Post book and will have another read. I wish there was something she was interested in - she has given up everything she used to do and only seems to want to hang around with friends or shop. I think it's partly the horrible self-consciousness of teenagers - so riding makes your legs fat (!), swimming messes up your hair etc etc - there just isn't anything she seems to want to do . Fortunately the physical stuff has been pretty minor and only on a couple of occasions. I have a meeting with social services next week. Feeling slightly on tenterhooks. Much love to everyone who is coping with this stuff and moreLovexx

Wondering darkhorse how you are today?Thinking as well The holidays are always the worstThe first week particularly

Thank you , Pear Tree, I can't tell you how much it helps to get all these kind and wise messages.She had a night at my brother's, as my niece is much the same age, and seems to have had a nice time, even came out to greet us and stood quite near me!! . I think we need to find ways for her to feel different and less angry somehow. Time away from the immediate family in a way that is safe seems to work at the moment - an opportunity to be something other than angry.I'm not sure some of her friends help, as I get the feeling some of them have got caught up in the drama of the idea of her wanting to escape from the wicked family. Just looking at last-minute PGL and camp-beaumont holidays - we have never tried any before but she actually seems interested.I just feel very sad.Thanks again for all the support.xxx

Hi Darkhorsehad quite a lot of experience with an angry teen!I hope that you find ways to cope with her.We sent both our ad's to PGL, Camp Beaumont and "Do It For Real" many times over the years. The latter being a lot cheaper as it is government funded.They both had great times, and it is super for building their self esteem and confidence.Perhaps it would be good to have space away from each other. Talk to her and let her know how hurtful all this is. Maybe she is the one who should be giving you flowers!Good luckBest wishesJanie2

Just on the PGL type experience. I tried to send my AS on one of those when he was starting to struggle. But they do not accept any child who has been excluded from school for anything, however small. So that was that for us. Sad.