Edited 17/02/2021
Is the universe against us?
Mundy
November 11, 2013 20:10
Need some reassurance please! Because of issues with both of us, my husband and I knew even before we married that we were unlikely to be able to conceive. After much discussion of our options we decided to try 3 attempts at IVF, but these failed. I wasn't really surprised- it was always going to be a long shot, but it was really tough- worse than I could possibly imagine, both physically and mentally. However, we had always felt that maybe adoption was the way forward for us, and have now started to explore this instead. Having finally felt ready to approach the local agencies I did so. 2 of the 4 agencies I approached never got back to me. One did and left a message on my answerphone, but never responded when I returned their call. One invited us to an open evening, but after driving 2 hours through traffic jams and storms we arrived to find... a padlocked gate. Apparently the venue had changed and no-one told us. We then had a home visit that we felt had gone really well, and were all keen to proceed. We were told about the dates of the next few preparation courses, but due to the short notice, we cannot go to the next 2 (I have to give 8 weeks' notice for leave). For the one after that I have had to practically mortgage my soul to arrange the time off work to be able to attend, but finally managed to arrange. I cannot go to the two after that due to the fact that at work I have a massive external assessment that has taken me a year to arrange, and I will not be allowed any time off work until it has been completed. Today my husband received a letter informing him he has to perform jury service the week of the preparation course. I am devastated. Just when I thought we were moving things forward again, this is another slap in the face by fate. Should we give up now?
Serrakunda
November 11, 2013 20:46
No !!! Your husband can ask for his jury service to be postponed. I know several people who have done so for work reasons, there are a number of things that you can cite, I forget what they are now but I'm sure you can make somethjing fit . If necessary you could always say that you have a prebooked and paid for holiday. People postpone all the time, its a random process and I dont know anyone thats had to provide documentary evidence. Good luck
Edited 17/02/2021
treeflo
November 11, 2013 22:35
Hi Mundy, sorry to hear about the mountains of bad luck! We are also at the beginning of the process & I often feel that 'luck' is not our best friend. Not sure why you have contacted only 4 agencies. Why don't you try some more LAs, also VAs, but re-try those you have already tried. As I am also new in the process, I don't know whether those agencies that didn't bother to get back to you is because of busy schedules on their behalf, or, they think you are not a couple that they would be interested in. Also agree with Serrakunda, maybe you should look if your DH can avoid the jury. Good luck! (you need a bit :))
Edited 17/02/2021
goat
November 11, 2013 23:48
Sorry to hear that you have got off to a bad start. Don't fret too much, once those forms start rolling in and you have attended a prep course it soon seems to keep you occupied. Try not to let it get you down, and remember why you are putting yourselves through it I also agree about contacting a few more agencies. There is one out there for you. Good luck.
Edited 17/02/2021
Tiggywinkle
November 16, 2013 09:19
Hi haven't been on these boards for a while but just read your post and wanted to say to you 'Don't give up!'. From initial enquiry to adoption order it has taken us 5 years and there were so many twists and turns along the journey when I felt like giving up but I;m so glad I hung on in there. I think I made enquiries with 13 different agencies and went to about half a dozen information evenings before we got started. After info evening it took 4 months before a social worker could come round, she wanted my husband to have an early medical before they would proceed as he'd had depression, the surgery lost the form so we missed the next prep course and had to wait another 9 months for one. Then after we were approved it seemed to take forever, with lots of disappointments before we heard about our daughter--but she has been such a blessing to us and is doing so well and we wouldn't be without her for the world! So please hang on it there and press on for what you believe in T xx
Edited 17/02/2021
Haven
November 21, 2013 19:28
I think that if your husband writes or calls the jury service line (if there's a phone number on the paperwork that was given to you), explains the situation and stresses that it's the only time you can both attend this 'course' which is vital to the adoption process, they might be quite sympathetic about your husband postponing. I think it would also go down well if he emphasizes the fact that he's very willing to do jury duty as soon as the prep course is finished. I was summoned for jury service a few months after we were placed with our two kids and I got to postpone for a year (but there was absolutely no get out for that summons!). I also just wanted to say that sometimes the things you feel you work hardest for and that have the most obstacles on the way are those that give the most rewards :-). Good luck!
Edited 17/02/2021
FIM
November 21, 2013 20:50
I think it's quite good that you've come up with barriers at this early stage. Some people sail through prep and then when children arrive, it's a real shock! So if you can get used to juggling work commitments, fitting in with SWs timetables etc now, it will stand you in good stead. One thing that I would think will concern SWs though is your inability to book leave without 8 weeks notice. This could mean leaving any child matched with you an extra 2 months in foster care, which isn't a long time for an adult but 10% of their whole life to a 20 month old child and more than that for a younger child. This shouldn't mean you can't adopt, but may require you to think about your career and what it means to you and have an answer to this once you're doing home study all the best, however it turns out
Edited 17/02/2021
Anonymous
November 29, 2013 17:11
I think it's a bit different with adoption leave, though. I don't think your employer can hold you to that 8 week rule when the match proceeds. (Can you post links on this site?) https://www.gov.uk/adoption-pay-leave/how-to-claim
Edited 17/02/2021
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