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she could be right but equally to not even put in your interest means other sw's might miss the opportunity to invest in you. I think after 3 months you can go ahead and show interest yourself directly without your sw having to do it for you (but check that out I adopted 24 years ago and abroad!). generally sw's have a fairly blinkered view of parenting seeing 2 people as the gold standard and single adopters are pretty much bottom of the pile, that said it IS possible for single adopters to adopt babies and toddlers and for some children it is the best option for the child and some sw's will recognise that. personally I think your sw is being unfair, but also, to balance the view, she is probably working out of her own experience (and possibly to undo that balance in my sentence maybe she also holds the 2 parent=better view herself?).

Hi, thanks for the reply. I agree with what you are saying, I do feel exactly the same re I/the child could be missing out if their sw doesnt even know I am interested. I have tried explaining this to my sw saying that I dont mind getting rejected as at least I know I tried. I can show interest myself but she insisted I change my settings to only enable her to do so, I am now thinking I should speak to her again regarding this. I understand some peoples views are a 2 parent family is always best but as you stated its not always so. Just so frustrating.

I got approved 6 weeks ago, however my family finder has asked me to show interest on link maker myself. I've not been restricted in any way - essentially, if they don't want a single adopter, then they won't reciprocate the interest. I have shown interest in over 10 under 18 month olds, and only a coupke haven't gone on to ask for my PAR. Some have said they are underway in linking already. I have so far turned down 2 "straightforward" under 1's that the LA's have wanted to proceed to home visits with me, because there is a stronger match I'm waiting to hear back about home visits on. Good luck with the search and I'd speak to your family finder again, as LA's clearly are taking interest in single adopters for "popular babies".

That does sound right to me, it sounds a bit discriminatory. There are lots of positives a single parent can offer - there may be children for whom developing a relationship with one parent rather than two is beneficial, there may be a reason for a child to be with either just a male or just a female parent depending on their experiences, a single parent doesn't have to deal with potential strains on the relationship with their partner of being a newly adoptive parents. I'm a single adopter to a "popular" 8 month old (at the time he came to live with me) baby and it was never raised as an issue by my social worker, his social worker or matching panel. It shouldn't be - to do suggests that all the single parents out there are somehow inadequate. Something I would fiercely defend!

I meant to say DOESN'T sound right, not DOES...

Thank you so much for your replies. This is exactly how I feel. There are advantages and disadvantages exactly the same as being in a relationship. I started to doubt myself and think maybe she was right and I should stop asking about any young children :( Delighted to hear your stories ladies and so glad things are working/have worked out well for you both. My sw only works part time so I will definately be having this discussion with her again when I can get hold of her :)

Hi, I am a single adopter and I was told by my SW that a lot of family finders are very old fashioned a believe a child should be parented by a husband and wife! (Yes its so backward I know) Saying that after being shown my LO who was 9 months I was approved 8 weeks later.

Yes pretty much the same as what Im getting. Im very happy it worked out well for you in the end :D I did speak to her before she went on xmas and NY holidays saying I dont mind if I get rejected but I need to try applying for younger children (under 3) she has agreed to go with it for now but will "revisit" the subject in a couple of months if we havent got anywhere

Hi Sadly in my experience this was very much the case. I had extensive childcare experience a good support network, stable job etc but it still took 3 years before I brought my DD home. I had a meeting with my local MP earlier this year to raise the issue of discrimination. As my SW said they will not often say outright that they want 2 parents, they will find another way of putting it. It’s ridiculous as there are no guarantees that 2 parent families will even stay together. Anyway, in my case I didn’t put my life on hold waiting, I went on holidays etc. Then earlier this year I walked away as I didn’t think anything was going to happen, but the day after a link my SW had been pursuing came through and that beautiful link was well worth the wait and is currently asleep upstairs xx Remember this - ‘What is meant for you will find you’

I think it is worth you raising the issue again so that you can express interest in anyone you feel drawn to as long as you accept you might not hear back from lots. I adopted ages ago (before expressing interest was so easy) and was lucky enough to have a social worker who supported me in doing my own searches etc. That way I did get lots of rejections, but that was just part of the process. "Popular" or not, all children available for adoption still come with the potential for massive issues later in life and as parents we just have to do our best with what we find. Good luck.