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I don't have much wisdom to share, but wanted to say I am very sorry! That's incredibly hard to deal with.

From what I know, the risk of another suicide attempt is higher in the 7 days after an attempt, so CAHMS should have provided you with a crisis plan and support during this time. Is your son in therapy? Might anti-depressants helpful? Are you getting therapy? You can also get funding for yourself via the ASF.Sending a virtual hug.

Cahms saw him for 20.mimutes on Sunday & said that he is fine to go home he doesn't come across as being at risk 😲

Errrr yes, thats what his school counsellor said on Wednesday & Friday morning when they saw him, yet an hour after that conversation on Friday he took 20 paracetamol! Chatted to his counsellor while he had the strip of pills in his pocket.

Thats what's shocked us the most was thar he wasn't depressed. Even said himself that he's not sad. He just got into his head he had to do it so did it!!!

Cahms told us there will be a follow up in 7 days and left us to it ... 😢

Unfortunately this is pretty standard practice both with adult mental health services as well as CAMHS. It's an awful thing to have to go through with your children and I always have the same feelings as you describe. My DD has taken countless overdoses over the past 6-7 years plus engaged in some pretty risky activities such as walking into the sea and standing on the wrong side of bridges. Surprisingly she has only had one hospital admission into a CAMHS unit and we had to fight for it. She wasn't sectioned under the mental health act on that occasion either. She has had assessments under the mental health act and been deemed to have capacity. We can't predict what she is going to do prior to an event and she won't necessarily ask for help from, for example, the Crisis Team. She then ends up in A+E and after being seen by the Mental Health liaison worker is sent home in theory to be followed up by her care coordinator but that doesn't always happen.

I keep all medication locked in a filing cabinet for which I have the key. I did used to just keep them in a box with a key code but she very helpfully showed me how she broke into it hence the filing cabinet. We have trigger plans in place for her very dangerous activities but as one police officer once pointed out we need a plan for before that point. She is on medication for anxiety but if it's increased just makes things worse.

I'm sorry that I don't have any answers for you but hopefully when your son is seen by CAMHS they will offer some sort of support. Sending hugs.

So sorry this has happened Douglas. I think you need to contact Post adoption support in your area. Also I think you need to have a meeting with the school - firstly to find out how he managed to get hold of the tablets to begin with, but also ask if they can refer you to MASH - multi-agency safeguarding hub at social services and see what support they can put in place for your son and your family. The fact that your son said that the reason he took the tablets because he got into his head that he had to do it - suggests to me possibly ADHD- very little impulse control and no consideration of the consequences of actions, children very much live in the "here and now". A friend of mine's daughter did this a couple of weeks ago and my friend notified her school and she has been referred to social services for support. Her daughter has ADHD and ASD. So I would look up the features of ADHD and possibly ASD and see if any of these fit your son and if so look at referrals for diagnosis. It is all incredibly hard to deal with so sending you hugs.xxx

Thanks guys.

My son is already diagnosed with ADD and mild foetal alcohol effect. I've contacted post adoption services twice & no one has got back to me. I've had meeting with the school & they are putting in a risk assessment and will allow him back to school when this is in place.

He got the tablets from home. Collected them over 3 days and researched everything about paracetamol overdose & what can happen. He took them during break time on the yard while the head teacher was around the corner & couldn't see him. I can't blame the school as they had no idea, as did we. He left for school Friday morning happy as Larry. Usual routine, Hugged me, bye mum, have a great day, see u later, love you ... the day b4 he got his hair cut and I took a photo cos he looked so handsome and so happy. But yet he had this planned!

We have since hidden & locked away the tablets, but am pretty sure if he wants to do this again, he will. He shows no hint of doing it, no depression. Is quite a happy little boy. He has emotional issues from birth, has older siblings in care who have also tried this.

I'm just so afraid to let him out of my sight now! I know I have to allow him back out with his friends. I know he has good support there.

Waiting on cahms getting back on follow up but I know what will happen. They will say he's OK, seems fine now bla bla. He is known to cahms as we were refered to them twice while he was in primary school ... for cutting himself!!!!

It’s a really truly frightening situation and unfortunately CAMHS seem really loath to get involved unless forced. I would hide other things like knives, scissors etc as well as anything that could possibly be taken by mouth - other chemicals for example such as bleach. If you can’t get urgent help though CAMHS or PASW look for any organisations around who could provide urgent therapy - if you can afford it try privately but make sure the person has the right experiences - look for charities that can help. Double lock the door at night and all windows. He may appear cheerful and happy but could still be depressed and so worth discussing anti-depressants with the GP although they can sometimes make things worse initially so they have to know about the risk in choosing the right one

Hi Douglas,

Is there any possibility of friendship issues/bullying or online bullying? Has he ever had any lifestory work undertaken? Any attachment/developmental trauma therapy? If post adoption support are dragging their feet then go through social services. We currently have social service involvement because of a serious incident at home a couple of months ago - had to inform my AD's school and they referred us to social services. My AD and her younger brother have both been classed as "children in need" and social services are going to undertake lifestory work with my AD, which she desperately needs. They are also looking to put support in for my husband and I so we can cope better with the situation we are in. They are also putting support in for my youngest. The children's department are doing this and not post-adoption so it may be worth going down that route. If necessary they will be able to give post adoption a nudge as well. I think you should push for a full assessment of your son (easier said than done I know) from somewhere like Beacon House in West Sussex or Anna Freud centre in London.

Does he have an EHCP? - if not then please start the process as it will ensure that his needs are met and that he is in the right type of school. Have a look at some Semh schools who maybe better placed to meet his needs theraputically. Have you applied for DLA for him? this could help with the cost of any therapy/diagnosis you want to undertake.

Does he know that his older siblings have also tried this? Sounds like he is in desperate need of lifestory/attachment therapy to help him understand his background and his sense of self/identity.

we are all here for you xxx

also please don't feel guilty - you have nothing to reproach yourself for. We are all dealing with very traumatised children without any professional training and we can only do our best. You weren't to know what he was going to do. So be kind to yourself. xxx

He had lifestory work when he was 8. It was hard because when he came to live with us, altho he was up for adoption, he hadn't bern freed, which meant that he had to continue eith contact of his siblings (which I never would have stopped) but also his birth mother and at times his birth father. Contacts were awful, I wasn't allowed at these, birth mum wud show up smelling of alcohol, or siblings wud take him to toilet and tell him I'm not his mum, video him, take pictures of him,write his name on his arm (surname etc) and social services allowed this because the other siblings were not up for adoption so treated all the kids like fostered children. Times when his birth mum never showed up wud have him in tears.

He used to kick, scream, spit, scram me when I went to lift him after contact ...and would take at least a week sometimes longer to calm down, then another contact wud happen. This went on for 3 years so he was 7 by time the adoption came thru, when I begged social services to stop this, I was told birth mother has more rights than u and that even though he was told I am his forever home, his siblings and birth mother kept telling him I wasn't!

He does have ECHP for his emotional needs not for educational. Educationally he is a bright child with high marks. Emotionally he is a wreck.

He knows his older siblings and his birth mother have tried this before. It's in bi's life story book which he reads time to time. We hav an appt with his school tomorrow,but I really felt I needed some sort of support of social services there with me

I can't believe they have still not contacted me about this...

Poor little lad - my heart breaks for him! They do say it can be helpful to look at life story work again as a child gets older so still might we worth looking at that - but I’d definitely try to get good quality therapy for him - what a lot he has to process

That sounds truly awful and very wrong.

There is a (perceived) difference in children who attempt suicide between those who act on the spur of the moment and others who plan it. Your son clearly falls in the second category and I would emphasise that with professionals. Even if he says he did it on the spur of the moment that is not the case, otherwise he would not have had the pills.

The Tavistock does Trauma & Attachment assessments, maybe that would be something for him? Family Futures also does more holistic assessments. Maybe call Family Futures and ask if you can talk to a professional who can advise you?

I would also send post-adoption support an email, tell them what happened and that you will report them if they don't get back to you within a day. I have once done something similar and now we have very good support.

Just occurred to me to ask. Did the A+E staff mention about making a Safeguarding team referral. This is standard practice in both my local A+E departments. It doesn't mean that there's concerns about your parenting just that your son may need some extra support. It's another way of getting help and definitely definitely doesn't mean that there's any criticism aimed at you. If you have any concerns about keeping him safe ie preventing further self harming incidents such as overdoses you can also self refer to your local children's social services. Just ask to speak to the duty worker.

How very frightening for you

You need to get PAS involved, make a nuisance of yourself until they respond. Unless she has qualifications, the school counsellor won’t cut it.

Life story work isnt a one off deal, the work he had at 8 isnt good enough for a 13 year old. We had thereaputic life story work from 12 to nearly 14. Whilst my son never self harmed, he was a mess around puberty and we had several very challenging years. The work he hadin his teens helped him understand a lot more than he could at 7, that extra maturity is key.

Have a good look at what he is looking at on line, there are some seriously warped sites out there, the daughter of a friend started self harming after she had seen things on line.

I don’t think you should feel you have to let him out with his friends - can 13 year olds support a friend in this situation and to be honest I don’t think its fair to put that burden on other children.

I’d be keeping him a lot closer. At the best of times my son had very little freedom, I loosened the reins very slowly. But its a hard balance to strike - I have worried about being over protective.

Don’t blame yourself, this is both unexpected and extreme behaviour, there won’t be any quick fixes

Dear Douglas,

Like others have said, this is awful for you and your son. I hope you can feel our support. In my experience, CAMHS don’t have professionals well versed in the type of trauma our kids have suffered. I’m not impressed by the Tavistock either as I remember few kids being just diagnosed with the PTSD and given CBT. Not what they needed. Family Futures is good but I would strongly recommend you approach Beacon House. They have Clinical Psychologist well versed in the most up to date bottom-up approach to deal with developmental and relational trauma.

I agree with you, the years you were forced to take him to see his birth relatives were highly traumatising. How confusing that must have been! At the end of the day, his birth mother is his birth mother and he carries a pain very hard to deal with. He may want to keep doing what they do to keep the link with them. Are you aware what else they’ve done that he might try to imitate? It might be the way he has found to keep “the broken contact” with them. Yes, he’s not sad, he’s not depressed, he may just feel he needs to do it to reconnect with them by doing what they do. In his head, it’s obvious he won’t tell you, you are not part of his “birth circle”. But CAMHS don’t deal with this type of complex trauma. Have you read “The primal wound”?

Sending you hugs and keeping you in my prayers,

A

Hi,

our son went through similar starting when he was 13. He’s actually our birth son. (We have two adopted daughters too).

he was supporting a girl who was suicidal. He supported her day ( and sometimes night!) for six months but didn’t tell us as she said she’d kill herself if he did. He took a knife to school ( he’d witnessed her self harm with knives a lot) and held it to his throat. In the subsequent months he ran into traffic several times. We had to literally sleep on a mattress blocking him in his bedroom To stop him getting out and hurting himself at night. It was hell!

But

hes better now. He was diagnosed with PTSD from what he went through with the girl. After that if something triggered a memory of it he’d literally run. He’d run for hours even through the night. But he wasn’t depressed. He was mainly very happy! Then a memory Would be triggered and he’d run in an instant sometimes putting himself in danger.

We battled CAMHS and eventually he got prescribed Sertraline ( for PTSD not for depression). He still takes it. Three weeks after starting taking it he changed overnight!! If he sees something on tv alluding to suicide he calmly skips it. Before he’d be out the door!

I know how hard it is. The mental health issue, the fear and fighting professionals. We had people saying it must be something at home etc. It was horrible.

But he’s 15 now and he’s better. He’s well enough that he can get a bus to his friends house and we aren’t worried. Before we were scared to sleep at night!!

There is light at the end of the tunnel. Really there is. Xxx

I want to add that between the first incident and getting medication took 7 months. And In that 7 months we had multiple times with police needed to safeguard him. It wasn’t quick! But we did get meds eventually. And the change was amazing!!!