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Wishing you luck, yes!I'm single and 'only' considering one child, so can't give you any advice from personal experience. My thoughts though are that you are pushing it.... If you want three, what about starting with one, then another and see how it goes? I know this is very different to what you feel now, especially if you've just had a crush on three siblings.The fact is that three are difficult to place together and that some adoption agencies might be just too happy to have your interest. But can you cope? How wonderful is your support network? Are these particular children 'easy' to manage or do they have some of the typical attachment issues often encountered with children in care? You mention three agencies ready to take you on, what are their views about adopting three kids, do they all agree that it's a great idea? I hope you do get more advice and that some adopters come forward – perhaps also try the non-single message boards? Good luck anyway, whatever you decide.

Hi no experience of three, but adopted 2 girls aged 5 and 6 3 1/2 years ago.Practically i would say it would be incredibly difficult, though not impossible and there are a couple of single adopters who adopted 3 at once.things like holding hands, you only have 2 of them, only 2 knees to sit on, who supervises the other 2 while you help one with bathing. Both my girls need me in the bathroom when they shower or even to supervise bum wiping and they are almost 9 and 10.For most adopted children they need some of their own space and most experienced adopters would stress the importance of their own bedrooms. Do you have 4 bedrooms ?Emotionally parenting even easy adopted children is exhausting. My 2 are relatively easy but both bedwet every night for first 18 months, big girl hurts herself when stressed and littlie still ocassionally wets and soils when worried. Youngest sleeps in my bed at least twice a week and has lots of bad dreams.They are amazing girls and am so glad i adopted 2 at once , i do consider adopting a third at times.What i am trying to say is be prepared you will need to be super organised have an amazing support network, what would happen if you were floored with the flu, its a lot to ask friends and family to look after 3. Child care would be incredibly expensive for 3 children and its hard to go away on hols most family rooms cater for 2 children.I dont want to be negative because i am so for sibling adoptions in the right circumstances but i just want you to be so prepared. Even couples of 3 find it tough there has been lots of examples on here of the difficulties of larger sib groups. Best of luck and Be Prepared loads of love Tab x

The LA I went through said singlies can only adopt 1 as otherwise you are outnumbered straight away, I wanted 2. But now I'm glad I will only have 1 as I can give them all of my time and attention. I might consider adopting a second time in the future but will wait to make that decision.

As a married mum of three yes I would say it is insane. The age of the children will mean that they will be bringing some painful experiences with them and you're going to have to accommodate those. They have a pre existing relationship (trauma bond? ). Possibly the eldest has parented the younger two and will find it hard to let you in.How will you manage work commitments with three? After school clubs, child minders, holiday clubs x 3 are expensive. 3 pairs of school shoes alone will cost £100. Can you afford that on a regular basis? How will you manage appointments x 3? And where will they sleep? What would you do about holidays? Hotel rooms won't accommodate 4 people. 3 children is very different even to two. It really is a delicate balancing act and giving three children individual attention - even as part of s couple - can be very difficult to achieve.

I am one of two. I have and always have had a very close bond with my brother. I would love to have two and let my son have what we had/have.But that isn't going to happen. I may go for number two at some point, but I think I will have to accept that my son is absolutely not capable of the type of sibling relationship that we had, it's a whole different ball game.I teach a sibling pair from the same background as our children. They have a good sibling relationship, but the trauma bond is practically tangible nonetheless. That can be managed - both singlies and couples do it, but don't underestimate the practical and emotional challenge of three with a trauma bond.

Hi Aquarelle, Tab, Kelpie and Donatella,Thank you so much for your clear and honest opinions, I think that to be honest I already knew that this idea was a crazy one. I think I also need to use prep group and home study to really help me consolidate my thoughts on what I can offer. To be honest, I was a bit knocked sideways when the SW came with a folder of child specific profiles to the initial meeting - I wasn't expecting to talk about individual children at that point and it caught me off guard. When she spoke so clearly and enthusiastically about this sibling group, I did fall for them - but maybe that just shows me I've got the capacity to love, and not that it should be that sibling group. (And yes, the eldest has been parenting the younger two). Thanks again for your advice, I'll be sure to run my next crazy idea past the message boards! (Maybe years from know, I'll be able to add some sound advice for other newbies!)Thank you and best wishes to you all and your LOs (potential LOs!)Lolapola x

Thanks Cheeseontoast, I think I need more research into trauma bonds - it hasn't come up much in my reading yet.Lolapola x

to be honest I think it was irresponsible of a sw to present child profiles to you as possibilities before you've been accepted by an agency, before prep group and before at least a good chunk of the home study is done. I know that occasionally (and rarely) that people go in to adopt a specific child but it is very rare and the child is usually known to them before the process starts, or they might be approved for a specific child only when shown a profile of a child much later on in home study.parenting three children alone is hard work. I've done it, I raised three alone form when they were 10,7 and 4 years old, but only one adopted, the other two birth children, but it was very hard work at times and its not something I would have chosen to do (I am a single parent through divorce not choice).I now foster babies, usually 2 at a time and that's fine. but when I temporarily had three foster children a few years ago it was like hitting a brick wall I was so exhausted and I only had them together for 3 weeks!people can and do manage three alone in the longterm, but the home study is there to prepare you for what you can realistically manage, it might turn out that three is ok, but at this point in time be flexible in what you want, its likely to change!(and avoid the agency that tried this tactic on you, they obviously aren't averse to using emotional blackmail to get children new families)

Lolapola - I would agree that the agency that even showed you the profile is best avoided!I have 2 and it's exhausting - 2 because I was a respite carer for them for 3 years before thay came to live with me so I knew them well, they are very straightforward considering what they've been through, the older one is a teenager and therefore fairly independant and the youger is old enough to go to the toilet on her own and dress/wash herself with supervision.They don't have a trauma bond - they have a very positive and supportive relationship - but there are still issues of jealousy and 'it's not fair'.But it is still tough! And a lot easier when (like now) one is visiting friends for the weekend...

Thanks Loadsofbubs, I hadn't thought of it from the agency point of view. Now that you've pointed out their role I've realised that before the initial interview with that agency I was quite clear on taking my time (I was offered a prep group in April, but want to wait until August).I'm very fortunate to have a well paid job, and a promotion in Jan means I now have the opportunity to get some good savings behind me over the next year or so. However, after that initial interview, I was very much pulled towards the child specific route and moving things on much quicker - you don't realise when you're caught up in it, how much you can be influenced away from your initial ideas! That agency was the favourite, but you've helped me to re-evaluate what they're offering, thank you so much. Lolapola x

Thanks for your reply Tokoloshe,Enjoy the quieter weekend!Lolapola x

I only adopted one nearly 6yr old treasure, he is not the most challenging child, but gets anxious around adults. Last year I had to go in for emergency surgery, I had to rely on my support network, this would have been very hard with three kids. So I'd suggest you really do need to consider the capacity of your support network, my family all have three kids each and work, there is no way they could take another three for a few days. Here is an example of how my son would be effected if I had three kids to look after.DS has a party to attend today, he played with the child all day yesterday and has been looking forward to the party, at nearly 9yrs old he still needs me to stay at the party. The childs Mum minded him for 1.5 hours yesterday, so he knows her. Today I am babysitting two nieces as their Mum is in hospital after having baby three, so I can't take all three kids to the party, it would be far too cheeky, as well as not feasible as the 1.5yr old is at the stage of running and climbing at every opportunity, she would be hard to manage in a party of 7yr olds. I told DS we would walk him round to the party and I would return to get him, however he looked very worried and said he would give the party a miss. I felt so sad for him, but managing his stress and two little ones running around taking over the party would be too much, and he doesn't want to go without me, he stills needs the comfort of me being there when he is amongst other kids and adults. I have to babysit my nieces as their parents looked after DS when I was in hospital, so I can't just say it doesn't suit DS. So that is just a small example of some of the practical issues that could arise with having three kids to one parent. It would be different if someone was always willing and able to be an extra pair of hands all the time. Perhaps you would have support like that in your network? One of my brothers has amazing babysitting cover from his Mother in Law, he has three kids and pays zero childcare, but then they are the only Grandchildren.Good luck with your journey.

Hello,Just don't go there! As a single mum, taking on one at a time is just about what anyone could handle and that will stretch you to the ends and back again.You can always consider taking on more later. It's lovely to read you are coming into adoption, there are lots of children who need a stable, safe and secure home with a family who stays and you have so many good things to offer. Stick with it. But opting for one is a wise move IMO.

Thanks Everyone, I'm getting the message loud and clear, it is insane! Thank you all for your honest and experienced advice. I'm keen to learn and definitely not too proud to take the information offered on board and rethink. The new plan ... to leave questions of numbers to one side, go on the prep course and then through home visits take a good hard look at what I can feasibly manage.Many thanks to you all, Lolapola x

I am single, with one LO. There is NO way I could have given three the time they needed if they all came at the same time. I have needed every bit of time/energy for my LO and with this in mind I think it would have been impossible to work on bonding with three children at once. Also, there is no way of knowing what needs children might need once placed. A seemingly straightforward child can be far from it once placed, and vice versa.Best wishes as you start your adoption journey.Minnie x

Hi LolapolaI will add to what others have said though I will only be reiterating the general theme.I have adopted 2 children on my own. Both are doing well in school but have come with a large number of other issues (most of which were not mentioned pre-adoption). Whilst I love them both dearly and would not be without them now, I am definitely struggling on my own with two, 18 months in.I also had lots of experience with children, many of them from similar backgrounds, and also met many adopters pre-placement, but nothing could have truly prepared me for parenting my children. I have had to give up very well paid job and now work part time and earn a fraction of my previous salary. I am constantly exhausted, the children have difficulties dealing with many 'normal' activities and also complete for my attention like their lives depend on it. To say this leads to conflict between them would be an understatement. It sounds like you are being very sensible in listening to the advice and opinions of those further down the line. I would also suggest you do some reading if you haven't already. There are lots of interesting books out their about modern adoption.

Thanks Garden, Minnie7 and Liquoriceallsorts,I'm bowled over by the time people have spent responding to my query.And yes, I'm reading my way through a small library worth of books on adoption!If anyone knows any good books on trauma bonds that they can recommend, I think that needs to be my next area of research!Lolapola x

As you know I have PMed as well, but rereading your thread earlier I had further thoughts...basically thinking the same as Garden, but wasn't sure quite how to put it!I used to assume that if SWs gave adopters a huge challenge, then it was a compliment to the adopters (as it were) and reflected their ability to parent the child or children they were matched with.However I am not quite so naive anymore, and think that there are times when children should never have been placed together or a child simply was too traumatised to live with a family.So, if I had been in your situation, I might have thought 'maybe I can cope with 3, after all 'they' think I can and they know more about adoption than me. I would certainly like to give 3 children a home and enable them to stay together, etc etc.'I don't think 'parenting plus' as it was described to us by a VA really does justice to the superhuman job that adoption can be.It bodes well for you that you are asking these questions Lolapola.I hope you stick around on the boards. They have been the most valuable support to us over several years pre and post adoption.All the bestLarsti

Thanks Larsti,You hit the nail on the head - I think that's exactly what was going on in my head. I'm always up for a challenge, and to be frank, it's always flattering when you think others/professionals think you can do it too!I'll certainly be sticking around on the boards, I've been reading them for several months, but only just started adding!Best wishes, Lolapola x