Edited 17/02/2021
Saying goodbye
Mitster
August 23, 2009 19:11
HelloWe''re new to these boards. We''re concurrent carers who have just found out that our foster child is to return home to birth parents. We are extremely sad and dreading the day that we have to give her back for the last time. We''ve got about 6 weeks before she leaves and wondered if anyone had any advice or tips for making this time easier or for on the actual handover day?
finoni9
August 23, 2009 19:30
I found it very hard when siblings I had had to go home cause I knew they were going back to the same home situation. The last day we made special by taking them to a play place and mcdonald's and keeping busy til the sw came to get them. If possible get the sw to pick them up earlier in the day so the day is not dragged out. (they came back into care 8 weeks later and are now in long term foster care).It's great you are doing concurrent foster care - I think it's something that should happen more in the UK.
Edited 17/02/2021
lamplady
August 23, 2009 22:11
I have moved a couple of babies on from looking after them from birth or a couple of weeks. There isn't anything that can make it 'easier' -it's very painful, especially when they are going to a less than perfect situation. But you have to hold onto the fact that during the time with you, you have given them a gift of love, and hopefully some resilience, which will stay with them forever. I would not rush into another placement either -give yourself a few months to regroup, plan some activities to look forward to, and take care of yourselves. Make sure you have a lovely phot album, as while it might hurt to look at it for a while, it can also be very comforting.Take care
Edited 17/02/2021
mae
August 24, 2009 08:59
We ltf sblings. The eldest was fostered as a baby and I put his better functioning down to this. He does very well at school and is articulate while his sibling has learning needs and much more complex emotional needs. Don't know if this can be any comfort to you now but you will have had a major impact on your foster child's life. BTW we are in the process now of getting in contact with that initial carer.
Edited 17/02/2021
Wriggles
August 29, 2009 21:50
I have been fostering babies for 5 years and think that this is the worst part of what I do - for you I imagine it is worse as there was a chance you could have kept this child. As others have said hold onto the fact that they will have got so much from their time with you - alot of research shows attachment in the first 18 months - 2 years has massive impact on outcomes for children.I don't know what your relationship has been like with BP but hope at least you are feeling that this move is a positive one for this child. Aside from that give yourself time to grieve - this is a very real loss and you have to take time to get over it Sending you lots of love xxx
Edited 17/02/2021
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