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You haven't really said why, but I'm going to assume that maybe it's because your little family are all just busy, stressed and tired after a long week of working and adoptive parenting and that another person coming to stay, (who has her own stuff going on) increases that stress? So that it's maybe not really about her, but about the increased workload/lack of relaxation that she brings? Please don't feel ashamed of that, although I can completely understand your feelings! Maybe she can become more of the 'team' at your house (that's how I try and frame things in our house when I'm trying to get help from the kids with the dishes or hoovering or whatever!). It might help her feel more settled and part of things too - she may well be picking up on your stress, kids are so intuitive. Also, do you need to build in more downtime - watching a film at home with a takeaway is our favourite weekend activity. Does your partner feel the need to entertain her? Does she interact with your son? Having a 13 year old adopted daughter, I can vouch for the fact that in a short couple of years, she's going to want to be doing her own thing, and will resent having to spend her weekends with you both - she'll want to be with her mates! I also wondered whether she stays every single holiday? I think it would be fine to suggest that you have your own little family holidays too, or try and arrange your own weeks or weekends away. I think that's allowed, and actually necessary. Maybe you could approach things with your partner in that way, saying that you love having her around, but would really like to find the time for downtime with the three of you too? Good luck. Haven x

Hiya Haven Thanks for replying. Yes you are right regarding the extra stress that she brings. Although she is only 11 she has already started becoming a stroppy teenager. It isn't anything different from any other child in her age group. The usual things like not cleaning up after herself, not listening and the worst thing for me is she likes to tease and torment our little boy. She has even admitted she likes to tease him, she thinks it's funny!! My partner doesn't really like to do things without involving his daughter. We do go for family meals etc just the three of us but he wouldn't like to go on a holiday, no matter how small, without her. We have talked about the future and that she is going to want to do more things with her friends. I can see that her attitude in general is changing and I have tried to warn my partner that she is growing up fast and she isn't the little princess that he thinks she still is. She's growing up like all kids and not doing anything different or worse than any other pre teen. I think he's in for a bit of a shock. Thanks for the advice. I guess it's just life and we need to deal with things as they crop up and try not to stress too much and take a breath before reacting. Thanks again. x

What might help is if father and daughter do some special things just the two of them. Maybe they already do that but if not, that would be my suggestion. When our AS joined our family we made great efforts to spend time with our youngest birth daughter on her own and also to facilitate her to have time away from her new little brother, with her own friends, without him. This has carried on for the past six years. Our is a traditional family and we have always been married to each other so there is no history of family break up as in your partner's DD's case, nevertheless the upheaval of a new family member was hard for our daughter. How much harder for your partner's daughter? Resentment of a child is not something we talk about much but I wouldn't feel too guilty about it. Its good that you recognise it on yourself IMHO. Lastly, its easy to think an 11 year old should know better than to tease a little one (don't think you said that she should know better but you may think that!) Maybe she 'should' but its a whole lot more complex than that! So in your shoes I would cut yourself some slack and also give your partner 'permission' to spend time his DD while you do something with your LO HTH Larsti

Thanks for your comments Larsti What I haven't mentioned is that it is a very unsettled time for all of us at the moment. We are about to move house after the weekend and it has been a battle to get it sorted before my Son starts his new school in September. My step daughter also starts at high school in September. My Partner and I bought a business last December and there has been a lot of work trying to establish that. I have returned to a job that I never really wanted which I currently going through a review. I may need to re-apply for my own job. in hind sight we took on too much but hopefully things will settle and fall into place.....like the always do. Sorry if I sound like I'm moaning. The point I am trying to get across is that we do have a lot going on in our lives and after reading this back we need to prioritise things. The kids are the most important thing and their happiness. Sometimes you need to take a step back to evaluate life. I've done this now and feel a lot better about the situation. They're kids and are going to fall out from time to time. I just need to accept that and not get so stressed about life. Thanks again for your comments. It's nice to feel back on track again.