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Hi,

I should point out I’m no expert but just thinking about the type of discussions we had through assessment.....

I'm not sure about the home educating, I suspect any SW would want to see how that would fit with you plans to adopt, how you’d make it work, see that you understand potential impact on both new and existing children etc.

In terms of bedroom I think it may be an issue. Are suggesting that all 3 children would share the big double with an extra bed in? I don’t think that would be seen as practical for either set of children (how would both sets of children feel, new child may come with sleeping issues, will need their own safe space, may be angry and destroy their room etc) If your plan is to use your existing spare room than I can’t see an issue.

Sws can tend towards the conservative side so you may struggle with the home edding. Lots of adopters I know do home Ed because their kids aren’t able to access formal education but I would suggest being flexible. And demonstrating plan A and B. They may agree if they may not. And even if assessing sw agrees, placing sw may not. What contingency plans can you put in place? Much also will depend on the individual child - age, needs, previous experiences etc.

As for bedrooms - will you be using the spare bedroom for the adopted child? If so, that should be okay, if you’re expecting all three to share then that’s not likely to be approved.

Sorry no I wasn't very clear, my 2 BC share a large double room leaving a spare room for potential AC, so AC would have their own room.

Regarding the home education, we have been doing it for 18mths now before this both boys attended school and I never intended to home educate...only doing so as school couldn't meet their needs but they don't have severe enough needs for SEN school as don't meet criteria for EHCP...they are both doing very well academically but couldn't cope in the busy school environment and suffered bullying and anxiety. Regarding AC I would be very open to the potential of them either going to school or being home educated depending on their specific needs, thanks for the advise so far, just trying to get an idea if it's likely to be a flat out no or if it could be possible x

My youngest is currently 6, 7 in July and I think ideally a large age gap will be beneficial for both BC and AC, but not sure how long the whole process usually takes...thinking youngest being 8-9 would be better, would now be a good time to start making enquiries or too soon? Appreciate all the help

I can understand the home educating especially with children on the autistic spectrum - my grandson has high functioning autism and ended up being home educated in secondary school. Bullying is so common and of course they find it hard to deal with or to learn different strategies. I don’t think it’s a problem at all but rather shows that you are prepared to make adjustments to meet your children’s needs and also to fight for what they need - and that you can be flexible as they grow and their needs may change. Regarding the room that won’t be a problem and as for ages now is definitely a good time to start making enquiries as it takes a couple of years. Research and read as much as you can and make enquiries with several agencies as they do differ and you want to find one that’s right for you

It should not be a flat out no, definitely possible. Home education is the legal default.

That makes more sense about the rooms and as others have said the home schooling doesn’t need to be a negative. As with most things in the assessment process it isn’t cut and dried, more about the consideration you’ve given to existing children and how you can manage, support and adapt for a new addition to your family.

The process can be long, I’d start now. Good luck

Thankyou so much for the replys and glad to hear that home education doesn't necessarily rule us out. 2 years ago after a miscarriage we found out I have premature ovarian failure so sadly our plans for a third BC were changed, we have taken the last 2 years to look into options and get over our loss and have come to the conclusion that adoption is the way forward but felt like I didn't want to get my hopes up if it won't be possible, know it will be a long road though. Has anyone been in a similar circumstance to us? With the home educating and BC with additional needs....would love to hear negatives and positives x

We all come to adoption via various routes but one thing to be very aware of is that this will be entirely different to parenting birth children. Two of my three are autistic so I have some understanding of the difficulties it presents however, and this might sound odd, there’s far more help, understanding and support available with that diagnosis than there is for other diagnoses. It was far harder with my younger two pre their diagnoses. And you will come across many assumptions that any issues are attachment related, that younger is easier, that younger means they’ll have no memories of life pre placement. None of this is true.

Research carefully. It’s entirely likely that any child placed with you will have additional needs whether that’s autism, fasd, adhd, tricky genetic histories including poor parental mental health - some of which is genetic. And this is on top of any trauma they will have experienced. No adoptee is straightforward. The majority of children in the care system will have been subjected to in utero trauma - fasd is common though not always easy to diagnose. In all probability you will be parenting three children with additional needs. Only one of mine doesn’t have a diagnosis. Two do.

Just something to be aware of.

Both my children are adopted and both have been home educated since the start. I was already home educating my oldest when I adopted my youngest and it didn't really come up as an issue, but I was well known to the social workers as I had previously been a foster carer while home educating, so maybe that made them less likely to question it. I do know of at least one other family that have adopted a child while already having home educated birth children so it is possible.

Home education is not well understood by some people and there are those who view it with suspicion. I'd try and put yourself in the shoes of someone who isn't sure about HE and think about the concerns they might raise (socialisation, qualifications, meeting the needs of 3 very different children, finance, etc.) and prepare yourself with solutions/answers to those issues. If nothing else, it will be a way for you to really thoroughly think things through before you take this step.

Another thing to think about is having all the children there 24/7 (if that’s the way you do HE?) as sometimes - especially when children are new - having a break from each other is a life - saver for everyone

I home educated my 2 adopted girls (8) and I’m currently being assessed to adopt again. Approval panel planned for March. I’ve been asked about home ed and how another LO would ‘fit’ with that. I’ve also been asked if I’d home educate the new LO.

I home educate my girls because school wasn’t right for them and it allows me to meet their needs. I’ve said it would be an option for the new LO but if they’d prefer school then that would also be an option..

I find during the assessment process the SW want to see that you’re flexible and are going to have the child’s best interests at heart.

My SW sees HE as a good thing in my case as it’s the best thing for the girls.