Archived Forums

yes now you mention it though it didint leave a lingering feeling with me but I did exactly the same when asked, replied with the "oh no no he's not adopted", then realised that that just seemed yes, now I m struggling to think of the right word.Kinda that I didnt want people to think BC was adopted as that lessened his worth to us, then well thats bad cos that mean that AC will be less worthy - of course not. I didint analyse it really at the time, remember feeling odd but then moved on.I cant say why it is so important that people know he is birth child, is it loyalty for him and his position, is it me wanting people to know once I could make babies and I have shared all teh same as they have, I dont know, but my repsonce was impulsive and I also felt bad to AD after. I certainly dont ever want her to feel any part of her existence is less precious to us.This wont be the first time though that you are faced with things that feel very different between BC and AC, we are a year in and still find these things happening. I have lived in a world outside of adoption my whole life, it is taking me time to get used to automatically seeing things through our new diverse family eyes.xx

Interesting post.I have had that question many times (3 BCs) and it didn't affect me like it did you, BUT I find with adoption, that all sorts of things catch you off guard that are totally unexpected.On the one hand, its nobody's business, which children are birth or adopted, but I think its a natural question to ask. It helps me sometimes that people know AS is adopted(especially in the early days - 4 years in now ) because our relationship is different. As I say, especially in the early days.I well remember being asked by a pharmacist 'has he had Calpol before?' (he was 4) truthful answer...'haven't a clue!' but I hesitated before saying 'yes'. I always felt that it was obvious to complete strangers that there was something 'not quite right' between us...err that would be because we'd only met a few weeks/months previously!!So with selected people I would tell 'up front' and usually they would say 'is your daughter adopted too?' The older 2 were at uni or college so often not with us.All the best to you Tuesdays Girl

Thanks for those who replied via the boards or PM's-really reassuring.TG x

I know what you mean.. and it is a question that will keep being asked! My DS2 (6 when AD was placed) was asked/told so much if he was adopted that he ended up really confused, so watch out for that one.And recently I had a really weird situation because my eldest bc has special needs, so his behaviour stands out of the three of them (AD is still a toddler so her behaviour is age appropriate if you see what I mean) even though he is the oldest.. and someone came up to me and told me their child was adopted too and that she understood from other people that my eldest was (they all thought DS2 and AD were bc..) so that was quite awkward LOL!