Edited 17/02/2021
Stage 1, should we feel 100% committed to the process
Callie
July 14, 2014 13:35
My husband & I have recently just started stage 1; due to go on the prep courses shortly. We have a BS, and have thought about adoption on and off for several years. Although we are not 100% sure it is right for us and our family, it was always in the back of my mind, and we decided we'd regret not looking into it so we agreed to find out more and decide when we were more informed. If we get to the end of stage one and are approved, then we need to then decide whether to go ahead or not. One day I feel 100% sure that it is something we can do, we should do and would be great for us. And on reading up on a lot of issues, I think we have a really good environment and parenting skills to help a LO. Then the next day I think - What am I doing? Life is fine as it is, why change it? I am sure everyone has these dilemmas, but what I was wondering was, should we be completely honest with SW and on the course that we are not 100% committed at this stage? I don't want to appear to be too negative on the course or for the SW. I am the negative non risk taker in our relationship, whereas my husband always sees the positives I don't suppose they expect you to be 100% committed anyway, but I just feel that most people at this stage will have decided that adoption is for them? Any thoughts/advice, thanks.
Donatella
July 14, 2014 14:07
I think it's only natural to have some concerns about the process and the end result but I do think that you need to commit 100% to the adoption process. We adopted because we wanted to be parents. We weren't able to have birth children so this was the only way we would become parents. The whole pregnancy thing wasn't the driving force. I wanted to be a mum. If you didn't adopt do you have other options? Another birth child? Maybe examine closely your motivation for choosing adoption over other options? The homestudy etc is quite intrusive. The training won't be easy but if you start off doubting your commitment .... Of course it may have the opposite effect and when you hear about what children can be like, what parenting them can be like then you may decide you definitely can do it?
Edited 17/02/2021
Milly
July 14, 2014 18:23
You may not feel 100% committed but I think you should approach this as if you do - I am sure lots of people fall by the wayside at all stages of the process but you don't want the sws to be making up your minds for you at this stage. If you feel uneasy about 'pretending', which I can understand, then think of it as being 100% to getting through Stage 1 and don't look so far ahead.
Edited 17/02/2021
Callie
July 14, 2014 18:36
thanks fo r your comments Donatella - we can't have any more children. My main concern at this stage is for BS and how he would be affected. It could work both ways. - it could be the best thing ever for us as a family, but equally, from what I have been reading, its not necessarily going to be easy, so I guess I need to just feel comfortable at some point that the potential pros outweigh the cons. Fingers crossed I will feel better at the end of stage 1. Milly, you are right, I am too honest for my own good sometimes, so don't want to appear that I am not committed, so that is a good point you have made. I AM committed to stage 1.
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ALIBOB
July 19, 2014 21:43
Hi Callie, I think wat you are feeling is normal. We also have a BS and now have had our AD home for 5 weeks. I have gone from yes this is wat we really want to wat if our BS can't cope as he has special needs. Hubby has never had second thoughts. Even when we were matched I went from yes she feels like our daughter to what on earth are we doing. I can report it's one of the best things we have ever done. We feel our daughter has always been with us and our son has coped amazing even when our daughter is having a major tantrum.
Edited 17/02/2021
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