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White couple and BS wanting to adopt mixed-race boy

libushe-lukas August 5, 2012 16:04
Hello,We are white couple with BS, planned to adopt same race child to make it easier for him. However, going through the children''s profiles, we both strongly feel about giving same chance to mixed-race child too. (Basically it is how we have always felt, however were recommended to narrow it to only white children, especially since also our BS is obviously white).My question is, what shall we expect from the adoption''s people in charge now (refusal, more assessments, support,...?). Does anyone know what will follow procedure-wise?
Edited 17/02/2021
Serrakunda August 5, 2012 23:37
Will probably depend on your agency but if this possibility hasnt been discussed before I think your agency will probably be surprised and I can't think that it wouldnt require some measure of reassessment and probably going back to panel.There are so many things to consider in adopting transracially. To be honest I think you need to really question your own reasons why this has suddenly occured to youthings to consider, how would you promote a childs cultural, racial, ethnic heritage, do you live in diverse area or predominantly white, what opportunities would the child have to engage with both parts on their heritage, how would your BS deal with having a sibling of different ethnicity, what about the rest of your family, what do you know about other cultures, do you know about food, language, religion, music, black history, role models, hair and skin care etc etc, are your local schools diverse, are you prepared for racism and prejudice.I am a white single adopter of a dual heritage boy, I reflect his cultural heritage in that his BM is white, I didnt set out to adopt a dual heritage child but it was always there as a possibility and my approval included dual heritage in some specific circumstances which Simba falls intoTrans racial adoption adds a whole new layer of complexity and needs a lot of careful consideration
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libushe-lukas August 6, 2012 09:00
Hello Serrakunda,Thank you for your response. We have never had any objections to adopt children of other races, however it is true our assessment and approval was based on focus to match us with same race child. And understand that opening up to adoption of children from other ethnical backgrounds may lead to re-assessment and that's ok. Thank you again.
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apples August 6, 2012 16:30
Hello,It can be done.Like Serrakunda, we did not set out to adopt a child of a different ethnicity. It just worked out like that.However- we were open from the start that we would consider children from a variety of different cultures, religions, race etc.Our PAR reflected this and our SW stated that she felt we could be considered for a transracial placement.It is a lot to take on and requires a huge level of input above and beyond the 'regular' adoption stuff.We have birth children and they are not in the slightest bit bothered that their sibling does not look like them. However, we have had a lot of intrusive questions and some extremely ignorant comments. Also, it is worth bearing in mind that we are having to help our AC work through the fact that he does not 'match' in terms of looks. This is an ongoing process and is, at times, painful for him.You will be extremely visible when you are out as a family. Be sure that you are able to cope with this intrusion and more importantly, you feel able to equip both your BS and AC to handle this.We wouldn't change our LO for the world. He is a little star but there is such a lot to think about- it is almost a full time job!Good luck.
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libushe-lukas August 8, 2012 11:11
Hello Apples,Thank you a lot for your input. We do realize how big challenge it would be, but so we did at the very beginning.The reason we were not officially focusing on adoption child of any race has changed since (not moving back to our original home country where this could be an issue), we are staying here in UK and honestly as such, we feel very strongly about opening up, even if it will mean another reivew and assessment etc. We just hope there will be same / similar support from our SW and the AT.
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lemondancy August 8, 2012 11:56
Like Serakunda, my partner and I (both white, though with ethnically / culturally mixed families) were assessed from the beginning on the basis we were open to adopting children of mixed heritage, so there was a lot of focus on that in the assessment, and our PAR reflects the assessing SW's belief that we have the capability to meet the identity needs of mixed heritage children.We have now been linked to a mixed heritage child, and were informed yesterday that the LA will be proceeding with the match ()This said, the point at which this link came into the frame (instigated by the LA, not by us - ie they asked us to consider the LO) the questioning about our capacity to meet his identity needs ramped up a notch, and was very challenging - including one SW basically accusing us of only wanting to adopt mixed heritage children for some dodgy (racist?) reason - though she was lovely when we explained that actually, from the start we had always said this was something we were 'open to' rather than 'requiring'. Yesterday's meeting with the LO's SW was more challenging still, though thankfully we did a good job of putting our best foot forward.All of this is to say that even people like us that have gone through with a consistent approach from the get go, can have some pretty challenging Qs when everything gets real.And we should IMHO - its a very big dealI do understand why you ruled out, and now are interested in re-drawing your matching boundaries, but there are loads of white children out there who need families....I assume that there would certainly be some serious re-assessment done, possibly the need to go to panel again, and the potential outcome that panel don't change what you are approved for... I also assume (given our experience) that any potential matches SW would be extremely suspicious about what the change of mind was about...Anyway, a bit of a ramble really....good luck!
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crystal_tips August 10, 2012 10:57
When I was assessed I didn't even consider adopting transracially. I just thought as a white single adopter with 2 white children, it wouldn't be a possibility. The social worker assessing me didn't raise it either.However, when we looked at profiles a little girl who was of mixed heritage (both non-white) leaped out at me. She is now my daughter.I didn't have to go back to panel, but did have to write a supplement to my PAR to go to the matching panel, addressing issues related to transracial adoption.
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apples August 11, 2012 21:27
Just in case you did not see my previous message there is a support group for parents and children involved in transracial adoption. You can find us at yahoo groups under transracial adoption parenting UK. We are planning to meet up again in October. If you would like to join and are having trouble finding us then please feel free to private message me. We all had a lovely meet up last time and it was great for the children.
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selg August 13, 2012 13:12
It is challenging, I'm part of a mised race couple with my husband being the mixed race one. We have adopted a black child and I am often out with him alone, I do get people looking at me - we do live in a prodominently white area, locally everybody is used to seeing us but on a trip to London last week a lady asked me if he was mine. I was so shocked (she was serving me a packed of crisps at the time) I just managed to get out Yes! That's juat an example of people's attitudes towards us.When we are out as a family which is infrequently due to work/childcare commitments we haven't experienced anything negative.To be fair the positive experiences with people far outweight the negative ones, most people just tell me how beautiful/gorgeous/cute/clever/bright etc he is.But he's too young to recognise any of this yet, it will be harder when he can.One of the ways we are keeping him in touch with his ethnicity which we never considered before we adopted him is staying in close contact with his foster family, we visit them twice a year and stay for a few days, we skype them and they have asked if he can join them on their annual family holiday to the caribbean when he's old enough, which we've agreed to. I don't know if that's something you would want to suggest pre-adoption as you don't know how that relationship will pan out. Our lo was as much a part of their family for the year he was with them as he is ours, and they feel he is still part of it and us too, which is lovely for everybody.Good luck with however it works out for you, there are lots of books from the USA about white parents with black children, Brown like me, is one for children, I'm Chocolate You're Vanilla is one for parents and teachers.Selg
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thespouses August 13, 2012 15:13
Approval for adoption now includes approval for children of a different race - it is standard - you should not have to go back to panel. You should have gone over these issues in home study - we certainly did, and our SW explained that it's standard now.
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libushe-lukas September 4, 2012 16:52
Hello Lemondancy,Thank you for your imput for a very current personal experience. I certainly can confirm the same feeling accused-like of only wanting to adopt mixed heritage children for some dodgy reason.The fact is, we had gone through the basic assessment questions of how we would embrace and promote the cultural background of a mixed race child etc, the fact is that because of the initial plan to move back, we were at the end approved for white. As I said, the circumstances change and going through some statistics etc, we found out the children least likely to be adopted are those coming from a mixed race family. Since it really does not make any difference to us, we thought we would help on of the most disadvantaged ones. To be honest, although I understand the reasons behind all the procedures, I wish it was less complicated.
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libushe-lukas September 4, 2012 16:55
Hello Crystal-tips,Thank you for your input. I really appreciate to know that in a rare cases it does not have to be as complicated as it seems.Well, lets see how it will work in our situation.Thank you again.
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libushe-lukas September 4, 2012 17:02
Dear Selg,Thank you very much for your comments. I will definitely check out the I'm Chocolate You're Vanilla book. Thanks a lot again.PS - Apology for my late response (holidays).
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libushe-lukas September 4, 2012 17:06
Hello thespouses,Thank you for the info. We have not been advised... Have had quite reluctant response actually from our SW in this matter. Perhaps that's why.
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