Edited 17/02/2021
Rejected by a Senior Social Worker
Zoem
October 7, 2014 10:59
We have two girls which are biological siblings, adopted 3 years ago. We recently applied to adopt another - a little boy, thought it would complete our family that we have worked hard to form. We went tot he information meeting, then had a Senior SW come by for an "Initial interview", not to mention she arrived late and was not there even an hour, did not meet our girls but told us she advises we don't go ahead and we wait at least another year because bringing a third child into a family causes problems and its very difficult when siblings come from different families? Isn't this what adoption is about? We feel it is right and feel our kids will be accepting of this.. they do not have nor have ever had behavioural issues but the youngest did have emotional issues when she came to us and cried all day, every day. This was hard on us and we ended up contacting the Attach Team - who took 6 months to get back to us - we apparently "slipped in the system" The lady who came to see us used Attach and said because things were so hard a while back she says we should not go ahead as our girls could regress and it could bring up those feelings for them again - but surely no matter how long you wait this could happen? Has any one adopted a third child into their existing family? I have been left feeling very down about this as we really feel it would be good. We are thinking of appealing the SW's recommendation to go ahead.. is this a good idea or are we just setting ourselves up for failure??
Donatella
October 7, 2014 11:58
I think you're both right - I also think it may be hard for another unrelated by birth child coming into a family where there are established birth sibs. You don't say how old your girls are or how long ago - and how long for - the youngests emotional difficulties went on. All of that may have a bearing on sws decision. Are your girls in school? Settled? Any issues? Could having a new sibling - if it is a sensitive time anyway - cause issues? I have three children - half sibs placed separately 5 years apart, and a middly. And three is such hard work. Harder than I ever imagined in ways that I'd not thought through. Mind are all close in age - youngest two placed 20 months apart and only 20 months age difference. And they fight like cat and dog. Literally if I don't step in. Both were dx asd last year at 7 and 9 abd life can be a tough balancing act. They can't be educated together so I have three children in three schools. I don't regret any of it but three is so much harder than just another one on top of two!
Edited 17/02/2021
Zoem
October 7, 2014 12:31
Thanks Donatella. My Girls are now 6 and 8 and a half. They were placed with us 3 years ago. The youngest was really emotional when she came to us at the age of 3 - but I am certain it's because she was emotionally flooded and couldn't express what was going on in her little head. By the time the process ran through they would be a year to two older and we are looking at a baby boy.. 0-1 Both my girls are in school, very settled and they are well behaved, my eldest has memories of living with Birth Parents as she was 4 when removed and 5 and a half when she came to us, but we are open with her and she is fine with that. I feel they would cope. (They do have other half siblings in the county) My feelings are that we would just deal with crops up.. we have been through so much already.
Edited 17/02/2021
Donatella
October 7, 2014 12:37
I think you'd struggle with a 0-1 age group plus specifying the sex. Yes there are babies out there BUT due to a recent court case bps are being given ever more chances by the courts and a 0-1 boy is going to hugely restrict your chances. Does it have to be a boy? Can you widen the age range? Legal processes seem to be taking longer and you're going to be in competition with lots of other prospective adopters who may not have the additional complication of adopted siblings.
Edited 17/02/2021
Zoem
October 7, 2014 13:03
When we went to the Information meeting they said if you have a child under 7 in the house they will only place you with a 0-1? we said 0-2. Yes we want a boy. their stats were 20 out of 32 children placed in the last financial year were under the age of 2.
Edited 17/02/2021
Ditta
October 7, 2014 13:19
Are there not any other agencies or neighbouring local authorities you could approach? They seem to be very rigid! It's true most sw and adopters feel a larger gap is best, but specifying no over 1's for any family with a child under 7 at home is a bit extreme and inflexible (in my opinion...) And also, your youngest is 6 already, by the time you are approved and matched she will be 7 or nearly there... Yes, 3 will be more challenging than 2, and you should look carefully at the resilience of your children and what support you will have if they do struggle, but I don't think they are that young, and if you really want to adopt again it pays to shop around.
Edited 17/02/2021
Zoem
October 7, 2014 13:44
Thanks Ditta - yes I have just requested some info from some other Agencies. Only issue we have is the CRB check from South Africa - as we lived outside the UK less than 10 years ago - 9 years.. but problem is that South Africa has no postal service as they have gone bankrupt lol - I am sure it will rectify but last time it had to be a trip to South Africa to get it.. wonder if the council would give us a copy...
Edited 17/02/2021
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