Edited 17/02/2021
contact stopped is it right?
princess4
March 18, 2013 17:13
we have agreed for ongoing contact between our lo and birth family ,4 times a year for the siblings and also yearly for mum,i am really sad to learn that birth mum does not want contact and wont allow contact for the siblings. i feel very sad for our lo ,and hope mum changes her mind,but then am i being selfish wanting mum to put lo first for a change even if its just 2 hours a yearthen i see the other side that maybe its to raw and painful atm.and as she comes to terms with her loss of lo.will need the space and time not seeing lo.and needing to move on with her life.
jmk
March 18, 2013 23:40
I'm a little confused. Are siblings with BM or LAC/adopted elsewhere?
Edited 17/02/2021
princess4
March 19, 2013 07:48
sorry still with the birth mum.
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loadsofbubs
March 19, 2013 08:23
just as its up to adopters if they stay in contact with BP's and FC's once children are placed then the same right also applies to BP's and any remaining children she may have with her. nothing you can do about that. she is thinking of the needs of the remaining siblings and herself and has the right to do that. sad for your LO though.
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jmk
March 19, 2013 08:57
Sorry Princess I read another of your posts and it makes more sense now. I see that BM fought you to get LO back and lost. Maybe she is now protecting herself from further hurt, she lost her child to you and maybe she can't face seeing him. It is very sad, but is also understandable.She is angry at you right now as she probably feels you stole her child (not true we know, but that is probably how she sees it and she is angry and hurt). The fact that she has managed to keep her other children, but not her youngest may make her feel a failure and she has her other children to consider too.I wouldn't give up hope, as she may change her mind over time when she gets over her loss. All you can do is put it on file that you would love to have contact if and when she feels ready. That's all you can do really. You must focus on your LO and learn how to explain BM's behaviour and reasons for not wanting to stay in touch in an age appropriate way. It is hard when a BM gets to keep some children and not others and giving reasons for this to your LO has to be done sensitively to avoid him feeling rejected, but this is not uncommon sadly.
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homebird2003
March 20, 2013 11:53
I agree, make it known that you want to stay in touch and perhaps do letterbox for now. Even if birth mum doesn't want it at the moment,your letters can be held on file. Things do change. I have requested increased contact for my adopted daughter and her adopted siblings several times over the last 10 years and been told it wasn't in the best interests of the children. However,things have changed and we have organised a meet up for them all in a couple of months time.
Edited 17/02/2021
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