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That sounds horrendous :-( my AD only has anxiety outbursts once in a while and I find that incredibly draining, so how on earth you can go through it every day I have no idea. Is there anyone who can give you some support? I know what you mean about other people not getting it but do you not have any adoption friends who can support you, maybe even give you a bit if respite? I was struggling the other night and one of my prep course friends rang me and let me rant and cry for an hour. It felt so so much better! There are plenty if us singlies on here who will listen if you need us! Lots of hugs Xxx

I remember those nights well - shadette was 11 before I could leave her before she was asleep at night - melatonin helped shorten the nightly meltdown - have you got CAMHS/ community paed involvement? or can your GP refer you? I found nothing worked - and the melatonin was a godsend that she would sleep before midnight - but like I say it didn't stop the terror

Thank you both. I don't really feel I get the chance to talk to anyone at the moment. I have one set of adoption friends but they also have their own problems to deal with and for some reason I want them to think I am coping, stupid I know because I am evidently not coping. Shadow - good to see you back. I do stay with her until she is asleep and have accepted that as necessary however long it takes. unfortunately it's not long until she wakes again. There have been lots of promises of finding some help but nothing materialising from CAMHS at the moment. I guess it's just a waiting and chasing game.

Big ((hugs)) - it is hard when melt downs are so frequent, especially night time ones. I remember the stage when ours were too scared to sleep - we used to have to sit with them until they were asleep (and with three it took both of us several hours). Gradually we managed to extract ourselves - first sitting on the opposite side of the room for a couple of months, then the doorway...etc until now we take them up and usually they settle. However if they are unsettled for any reason (eg DH away this week), then I have to sit on the landing until they can settle....

That's so wearing - you must be knackered. We had similar issues & I decided to co-sleep for a period of time so I could reach out & reassure AD & not properly wake up - I know some people disagree with this but it kinda worked for us. We also used melatonin. Please feel that you can tell your adoption friends how it really is & they can do the same - it does so help as these friends are able to understand & you'll probably find a much closer supportive friendship develops as a result. Our adoption support worker was also great. Are you able to catch up on some sleep when AD is at school or are you at work? If you're too stressed & overwhelmed I'm sure your GP would sign you off. Our AD was at a small primary school & the head & SENCO were amazing - I was able to meet with them & unload which was a release for me a the start of the day & helped them to see how the stress off ADs school day overflowed to home. Good luck & big hugs.Keep posting for support - many of us have been there & know just how it feels x

I have also found co-sleeping the way to keep my sanity, now LO is gradually moving into her own bed (right next to her sister's bed) - it has taken about a year. But I can't imagine how I would have coped without the sleep that gave me.

are you getting DLA for her - she should get high level for care during the night I know you work so that might help you go part time so you can catch up on sleep Your poor wee lass needs proper help - do you have any supportive profs? who can help hurry CAMHS up? you need some sort of respite so you can get out the house -and get a break it really takes its toll - shadette still doesn't sleep at night - but at least gets on with it herself now most of the time

Thanks everyone. Lots of profs are making sympathetic noises but not much action so far. LO and I have been thinking up strategies to help her and we have redone her room - again! And even more light! I suspect it won't work but it helped us both to feel positive for a little while. I am at work part time and work all of the school hours and more at home so I may need to look at DLA and reducing further. I don't really have anyone I can ask for respite at the moment so I get it from going to work! I never thought I would say that before I adopted :-)

piglet, don't feel at all that you are failing. You are giving lo a whole fresh chance in life that she would not have had. Now this is going to be counter-intuitive, I know, but are you trying to be quiet at night? My dd was only 7 months when placed but nights were sheer terror for her. She needed to be glued to my side ALL the time. Obviously not possible! I tried to tip-toe and whisper and creep about at night for months. It was only after a long time I realised it made everything more scary! She needed the hoover going on the landing, me clanging the clothes into her wardrobe, her mobile, the telly on downstairs etc to create a kind of safe white noise so she could just give in and sleep! Also, think MUCH younger - she may SEEM operational at 7, but is probably needy like a toddler, so I'd go for the whole baby bedtime routine - bathtime, pj's,milky drink, teeth, cuddly story etc. Then do that bit EXACTLY the same EVERYDAY no matter what else tries to interfere. I also found a proper comfy rocking chair a HUGE help with both of mine, as I could actually get a bit of a snooze whilst rocking them, and my back was properly supported! It can seem like forever for them to feel safe to sleep, but obviously the more stressed you are the less lo will sleep. Try and take the pressure off and don't push for sleep, just for lo to be quiet in bed whilst you get on with boring things like humming and ironing in her doorway on the landing. Eventually it will happen! Best wishes and remember you're the best ! Being a singlie is tough but you can take all the credit! xxxPhoebe xxx

I couldn't co-sleep, not something I could even contemplate because it's the only time I get my own space. However, when DD was first placed and was quite anxious at night, I used to just get in the bath and leave both doors open. I made sure I made plenty of gentle noise in the bath so she knew I was still there and that seemed to help - perhaps a combination of knowing where I was and a little noise. I must admit I agree with Phoebe, when I am stressed the first thing I try is music to fall asleep to, and that's as a (reasonably) rational grown up!

Kstar's bath idea is a really good suggestion - lots and lots of the children I foster ask me to go in the shower (next to their bedroom) when they're going off to sleep as that way they know I'm still there. The sound of water is very soothing too.

Thanks, I have been trying all of these things. They have little success except for the occasional fluke. Usually by staying until she is asleep I have success on that front, but she gets up in the night. I don't want to co-sleep as I just don't get any sleep when we have tried that. I have taken to curling up in a blanket on her floor now until she goes back to sleep again. I hope one day she will feel safe enough to sleep well.

Thanks, I have been trying all of these things. They have little success except for the occasional fluke. Usually by staying until she is asleep I have success on that front, but she gets up in the night. I don't want to co-sleep as I just don't get any sleep when we have tried that. I have taken to curling up in a blanket on her floor now until she goes back to sleep again. I hope one day she will feel safe enough to sleep well.

for years I had a mattress on my floor and shadette would come through and sleep - well not sleep but fidget etc on it - when she was 11 she started to be able to be sleepless more in her room - now at 16 she doesn't sleep but I have a fan on in my room so I don't here the noise and crashing around - sorry its carp for you and her - melatonin helps but the fear of sleep and abuse will never go away

We did have a mattress on my floor but recently this has just meant that she spends hours trying to climb into my bed, which obviously makes me feel bad for not wanting her there. I am hoping by taking her back to her bedroom it may gradually start to feel like more of a safe place. Or I may end up with a mattress on her floor :-)

whatever works - but get that DLA form in - demand help - you both need heaps of support

I think you are doing amazingly well as sleep deprivation is horrendous, I think anyone would find it hard, saying that things are hard is not an admission of failure! My thoughts for what they are worth, is that her sleep pattern is very new born! She needs to learn like a new born to self sooth when she wakes up due to getting into the lighter part of her sleep cycle. I would move a mattress into her bedroom and sleep there all night, when she wakes have (as much as possible) a set pattern of things that you do/say, E.G. Offer a drink of water, remind her that you are there, sing her a lullabye, (I have Twinkle, twinkle little star permentantly embedded on my brain!) stroke her back. Oh, and cut yourself some major slack over everything else, cleaning, cooking, ironing.... Xxx

Thanks Viva, I have been trying to be boring but sympathetic when she wakes (I may need to work on that some more) and make sure I go through the same motions. I am also trying to be a bit nicer to myself :-)

Hi, just wanted to add my two penneth, we had terrible times at bedtime, however our saving grace....a BT baby monitor with camera, we can now sit downstairs and watch some tv rather than an evening on the stairs. It means ys now stays in bed and is able to go to sleep, it cost over £100 but has been a good purchase.