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Hey there!Can't tell you much about statistics but you're in a great place to read about real life experiences (both good and bad).I'm a prospective single adopter too and only have a small front garden (my SW didn't even notice!) whilst it doesn't appear to be an issue I am glad I have the small place to put a swing or something if needed.Welcome to the site and do stick around and feel free to ask any questions rainy

Hello and welcomePersonally for me some kind of outside space is essential. I dont have a huge garden - its long and narrow, the trampoline takes up nearly the whole width ! but its enough thinks about things like hanging washing - kids create a lot of washing, where would you keep bikes, scooters etc etc, boys particularly have a lot of energy, I would go bananas if I couldnt banish Simba to the trampoline on occasion. If you can afford it I would say its better to have the outside space than not have it, and if we ever get a summer its nice to sit outside with a glass of wine when they've gone to bed. If you are happy with the agency then I can't see any point in contacting others -unless you arent 100% sureagain no statistics and not sure they would help if I did. There are no guarantees with any child birth or adopted. You will find people here who are having the most dreadful times with their children but they stick with it because they love them, equally you will find people here who are having a good experience of adoption, currently I am one of those but who knows what the future will bring?Good luck

Dear Rainy123 and Serrakunda.Thank you very much for your replies. Being single I toss all these things around and around in my head! Theres only so much I can unload on friends and family - and for all their help and good wishes theres only so much I can expect them to understand. So thanks again - so good to hear your views and ideas.Sounds good with the garden - Im going to look for one when I move.All the beststrawberryandcream

I don't have any statistics but I do think you have to go into adoption with a very open mind and an accepting nature. Generally adoption now isn't about relinquished babies - rather its about babies and children being taken into care because births parents werent able to take good enough care of a child. And of course that starts at conception, not birth. Two of mine have a variety of diagnoses - most of which are genetic. It's not how I envisaged parenting would be but it is what it is and they're my kids and I love them unconditionally. So you do have to be prepared for the fact that it may not be quite as you imagined.A garden - definitely some outside space.And if you are relocating then you will need to look at establishing a support network as you will be asked about this.Good luck

Hi Strawberryandcream (mmm, hungry now...)I don't have a garden and it hasn't been a hindrance through the process. I do have a decent playpark less than 100 metres from our door though! However it did influence the process a little. For example, my SW and I looked at one CPR and thought that little boy would definitely need a safely enclosed garden to run around and let off steam and would be more than I could take on for that and other reasons. We manage okay without a garden, but I would say the main disadvantages are, as suggested above, no outdoor drying space and no storage space for bikes etc. At the moment her bike is small enough to fit in an indoor cupboard, but as soon as she needs a bigger bike, we'll have that dilemma. I'd also love to have a trampoline but obviously can't. She enjoys watching the plants on our windowsill grow and on sunny days I wish we could do more gardening type stuff. SO I would say it is absolutely doable without a garden, but in your position where you have the choice, I'd look for a bit of garden space. If things all feel positive with the agency you're with, then there's nothing wrong with sticking with them. Equally, there's no harm in having an informal chat with another. But it will always come down to gut feeling in the end and if your gut is telling you the first one is right for you, then go with it The thing about statistics is they don't mean a thing when you turn out to be that one in ten/a hundred/a thousand that x happens to! The best thing you can do is go in with eyes wide open (and this forum is great for that), and be very honest and firm with yourself and your social worker about the type of child you can parent. Then push, push, and push some more for all the info you need on a potential match. And still that's no guarantee of outcome, but it gives you the best fighting chance. Good luck to you!

strawberryandcream,Welcome to the world of adoption!If you're relocating near work, I'd make sure where the decent childcare options and schools are. I think it's easier to travel to work than to struggle to access childcare, or manage with a school that doesn't cope with children with attachment issues. You need to do a lot of homework before choosing your new home.You will definitely need outdoor space, and probably more than you can imagine! The younger they are, the more garden space you might need for play. Remember lots of our children struggle with friendships and timekeeping, and might not manage unsupervised even into secondary school age. This means you will have to have people round to your garden to play so you can supervise (other parents don't grasp the level of support needed, so it ends in trouble !). Think in terms of a lawn, room for a trampoline, space to have a shed for storing bike, scooter, tricycle, basketball net, etc.Like others have mentioned, you need at least 2 rooms downstairs, dining kitchen is good as you might not be able to leave them unsupervised for several years whilst making meals etc.I'd definitely make sure of downstairs loo too - vital for toilet training (which may last much longer).Good luck,Phoebe x

Thanks to you all for such good feedback and advice - I really appreciate it.I know not to expect a small, rosy baby who have lived 9 month in a "happy womb" followed by 2 weeks with foster parents before being delivered to me with a big happy smile on her face.I also know there are only so many things you can check or know about a child and how much/what kind of damaged has happened to the child beforehand. And how children turn out 10-15 years on, well of course so many other aspects has an input.On that I'm trying to be very realistic. On the other side I know my own limitations; I am (unfortunately) no spring chicken and I have no children of my own and therefore no direct parent-experience. I'm a teacher by education, but haven't worked as a teacher for 14 years. But I appreciate the advice on staying firm with the agency and SW when it comes to what to aim for. Hopefully the SW will assess me and come to the same kind of conclusions as me - but I might be too optimistic on that one....Thanks for suggesting a local network - I will definitely look for that.All the best to everyone - SO good to hear about your experiences.

Hi !For me adoption is about commitment not so much 'loving to death'.It is incredible difficult to love children with attachment disorder, and I pressume the 'I love them so much' is often used as society expects that you love your children dearly.In my opinion love is incredibly complicated when it comes to building attachments and ultimately loving them, in many cases this takes years. (especially older children when placed) It is a hot topic as it comes back time and time again, children are placed and the adopters feel nothing. There is an enormous pressure as people tend to think you -have to- love your adopted child from day one.This is not the case in the best scenario love will grow, but there are children where true love never will happen. Than it comes down to commitment and acceptance that 'this is as good as it gets'.Another thing you should keep in mind is that the child placed might have such needs that you will no longer be able to work, that is a realistic possibility. Loads of adopted children really need a carer at home.Where to live? Any place preferable with neighbours far away .Do you need a garden? No but you need a safe place to play outside.Your original question was aboout statistics, I do not have those but I tend to think that the majority of adoptees has far more complicated problems than the mainstream birth child. And yes prisons are full with people who never made secure attachments.I know statistics (outcomes) for fasd children are very poor. The question what you probably should ask yourself is: can I still be commited towards a child if the worst scenario happens.Another thing is that there is often a history of petty crime before people land in prison.Stealing and lying and general sneaky behaviour is not uncommen in adopted children, this are difficult behaviours to live with as well.Another thing you have to keep in mind is that a lot of adopted children have problems in school. Especially if the child is borderline learning disabilities the situation can become very tricky, as they might not qualify for support but are still under preforming and general not doing well.You might need to be prepaired to have locks and alarms in your house to be in controle of what happens.So do not buy a house with brand new doors, you should be able to screw in the door if necessary.Buy a house what is 'lived in' this will keep you more relaxed lol.Prepaire for the worst and hope for the best. Parent to your best abilities and hope for the best outcome.

Knowing your limitations is one thing - possibly a good thing as it may help with matching. But what happens when those limitations are stretched by a child who does end up living with the very same things you initially said you couldn't cope with?You really do have to look very closely at birth family history and read what's not there! My three were all baby placements. Two removed at birth, one at 3 months. So as close to ideal as you can imagine. But none of that took into account their genetics and - and I know I'm banging on about it - but what if that easy child turns out to have ASD, ADHD, learning difficulties? What if that does mean special education? We all start off knowing our limitations but they may be challenged. They may not if course but are you open to the possibility?

I think what you need to take on baord is That once you are approved you are effectivly in compatition with other familes for matches so you have to think of it two familes all things being equal apart from one having a garden who would you pick If your planning on adoptiong a child over say anout 9 i would say a garden will not make much difference but having a park and sports factilties near by will but i do think that sw and the children will prefer for small children a small outside garden at the very lest would be liked also i would say for your own sanity having a garden is a must no fun being copped up with a small child in the summer in a flat In regards to your other question it really depends on how much the children have been exposed to the childs temprememt and how well you cope as a parent so many varibles were you live the support the school gives its not really a simple answer

Some children have been in care a long time but have had good care from birth or a relative early age were some children have been in care for a short perioed but experinced a lot at the hands of there parents Also the quailty of the foster carer will play a big part Also how much contact the child was having whilest in care I know this is not a popular view but wheni i was fostering in my view some contact were hugly damaging so even though the child was getting good care from the foster carer it was beeing undermined by contact that was happning a few times a week Also the quality of the adoptive parent just like all other parents some adoptive parents are better than others So in short your question is pretty much a how long is a pice of string question

Contact is the work of the devil IMO. Hugely detrimental to my boy and done to placate a dufficult birth family. Hugely damaging.

On a more positive note - I would never have imagined that I could cope with what I have coped with over the past 3 years. I was 100% committed and just took the next step, the next step, the next step...It has given my mental health a battering, but we're finally coming through to the other side (I think!).It is also surprising sometimes where and who the support comes from!

Lots of adoptive parents get by in lots of different and sometimes difficult situations. I think there are many many reasons for that. As a working single Mum to an active and needy 8yr old my garden has been a godsend. I am active with my son, but simply wouldn't have the energy to take him to a park every day. When we get home from work and childminder DS plays in the garden whilst I prepare dinner. We were out all day today, so tomorrow I am hoping that he will play in our garden for a few hours whilst I get on with some necessary house work and ironing. My son still struggles to entertain himself, so without the garden I would be truly exhausted. DS plays with our neighbours child and it really is a form of respite for meGood luck for your journey, it really is worth it.