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Welcome to the boards. Pingu

Thank you!

Welcome!

Hi. Me too. I've just joined, and have just had our application formally accepted to adopt so right at the beginning. Any advice? I have a BC who's nearly 4. Jo

Hi Jo, Welcome to a busy six months! I will answer any questions i can about what we've done/experienced so far. Tricky for us that the agencies are putting their new systems in place while we go through what for us is ultra-important, eh? I have downloaded the new govt guidelines (from july 1st) so i can see what is supposed to happen in case of problems.

Try and go for as young as yu can that way you will have one at home and one in full time school and can devote alot of time to adopted child with out bc feeling left out. You will be so glad you had the age gap and i would also go for the oppsite sex to your BC

Hi, thanks for getting back to me and for the advice. I think I was the first one (in Devon) to go through on the new system, so I believe it is supposed to be six months from now that we are put forward to panel, but I'm not holding my breath! What have you experienced so far? Have you been having the home visits and attending the workshops? I like the advice about adopting a child of the opposite sex to your bc, I've heard that before because of the expectations etc. X

We've been to one day of the course and will do 2 or 3 more in Stage Two. At the moment it's all checks, references and forms.

Aaah ok. We've done that part and are on stage 2 now. All very exciting but nerve wracking too. Good luck with everything!

Just catching up - how are we all doing? We are in the midst of Stage Two and have a panel date in April :-)

Oh and given the forum, I'll share that we are currently discussing what age of child we think we could best parent, given we have a BC. Most people on here say to have a big gap. Our SW is not convinced by this. She seems to be in the minority. And I know that you don't adopt to get a playmate for a BC but we do want there to be a friendship if possible. Which seems hard if there are many years between them - for example my husband who is one of many says he wasn't close at all to the younger ones in his family. Help!

I suspect I'm in the minority here but ..... I have three children, 2 yrs 10 months between nos 1 and 2 and 20 months between nos 3 and 4. Nos 1 and 3 are half sibs and all were placed separately. My eldest and middly get along fine most of the time, my middly and youngest also. My half sibs with 4+ years difference don't get along at all. They have absolutely nothing in common apart from a birth mother. But, as I say, we may be the exception.

From my experience as FC moving children to their adoptive families, where the LO has moved to a family with other children, the most successful ones have been where there has been a larger age gap, and the least successful where the BC (or other AC) is just pre school or Key Stage 1 age.

Imp, do you know why that is? (The bit about key stage one age)

We must be doomed! When littly moved in we had one ks1 and one in nursery! They're now 12, 9 and 8 and we're hanging in there!

Hi all, we have our final visit with our SW on Tuesday and booked to go to panel at the beginning of March. Any advice?

Just to go back to age between kids issue. My LA will only accept a minimum age gap of three years between BC & AC with AC being the youngest. Not sure if this is standard but something to be aware of. Good luck everyone!

Hgjules, mainly because that is the age where they are having to cope with many changes, in their own development and getting used to being part of a the larger 'school' organisation---whilst still needing an enormous amount of support from home. Given the increasing complexity of the Lo that may be coming to you, it can be extremely difficult to meet all needs, and either your BC feels pushed out, of the new LO misses out. It's not impossible, as Donatella says, but harder than it might otherwise be.

Maybe I should add that 12 plus years in and I haven't been able to return to work because of the complexities that my two youngest have. I don't think it would have been do-able if I'd had to work as well.