Edited 17/02/2021
Yay! I am feeling like an achiever ...
Peahen
November 2, 2017 13:27
My AD (age 15) and I have had a somewhat spiky relationship over the years, as some of you may have gathered. Just less than a month ago I made what was a calculated error when my AD was late home (again) by sending her a text saying "Where are you Baby Girl? I am worried about you". It could have gone either way ... But by some super fluke in human existence it went the right way. She was home within minutes. Next day, she said to DH "Mummy called me 'Baby Girl'; I don't understand." and DH explained the obvious which was that she had always been my baby girl but that she didn't want to acknowledge it so whatever I did was just rejected. Since then there is this serene level of calm in our household. Today is my birthday and my baby girl didn't just choose a present for me (unheard of to date) but paid for it out of her pocket money (wood floors here so when I fell off my chair it hurt!). And happily gave and received a proper hug and kiss as part of the transaction. I'm not saying that everything is "fixed" and I'm not expecting this serene state to continue forever but it has given AD and I a bit of space to talk about things like what she is going to do after she completes her GCSEs next year. And how we might find a way for her to continue with a more vocational course (she is very interested in sport) whilst re-taking English and Maths if she needs to (I didn't say this last bit out loud!!). She has started to show me pictures and videos of her doing boxing. We even talked about how a bath towel left on the floor of her room for a month was a bit unhygienic. We talked about things that she liked doing and things that she didn't. I guess the short message is that for the first time in ages we actually just talked, rather than there being some sort of agenda on either side. AD has given me a kiss goodbye every day since that text. She does more than just grunting at me when she gets home. Sometimes we even laugh together ... Way to go, texting, I say! I'm actually feeling a bit tearful writing this. Sometimes birthday surprises come from the most unexpected directions. Peahen.
safia
November 2, 2017 13:46
Wow that's fantastic news! Sounds like the penny has finally dropped! Yes texting is often the way to go with teenagers - I rarely talk over the phone to them and often they wait till I leave the house to text me! Not always a good thing but at least you get to respond in a calmer way that way! My son also got me a birthday present this year - for the first time and from his own money which he had earned - it meant such a lot - it was a watch and not chocolates too - which is his first choice always for presents when I ask what he wants to get someone! Regarding the college - they get students to continue with English and maths when doing vocational courses so maybe leave that one to them if necessary And Happy Birthday!
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Serrakunda
November 2, 2017 13:54
Happy Birthday ! Yes we do quite a bit of texting, sometimes its hard to hear, but when its written down, and she can carry that round with her and be reminded of it
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Bop
November 2, 2017 13:56
Well done you :)
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Peahen
November 2, 2017 14:52
Thanks all. I feel quite overwhelmed in many ways - on the envelope of the card that my AD gave me this morning she had actually written "You're the perfect Mum and I love you." (grammatically correct and everything!), which I have to admit almost made me cry. During the summer holidays she had screamed at me "You are not the Mum that I wanted!", which I have to admit hurt more than I could possibly describe. So, little steps I guess. And, as I said, texting - way to go! Thanks for all of your birthday wishes. I am just going to enjoy it whilst I can. And work on this new-found relationship and way of communicating. And, acknowledge that baby girl is actually enjoying this change in circumstance too, which I can see that she genuinely is. And that sort of gives it a double whammy. There's a wise saying that I can't quite recall about backing down to bolster up? Concede to win? I'm sure that you get the idea. Happy bunny here! Peahen.
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Johanna
November 2, 2017 15:08
Happy birthday! Lovely when a connection happens. It is a lovely post Johanna x
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createamum
November 2, 2017 15:54
Happy birthday and congrats on finding a way through. Itâs funny my AD whoâs ten, came to us at seven, mood swings when I call her baby girl, Iâve done it since she came and sometimes it gets hugs and smiles, other times it gets me sworn and pinched. I leave postit notes as she doesnât have a phone, saying love you lots, see you later alligator, anything to connect as we have never had a strong relationship.
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elderberry
November 2, 2017 16:20
I'm still waiting to dare do this. I once called my daughter "darling" and she picked up on it immediately and furiously. I tell her I love her, but without a term of endearment. It makes me sad when I hear birth parents doing it so naturally. I may try a text when it seems right. Thanks for reporting how it went for you.
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Peahen
November 2, 2017 17:45
To continue the upbeat theme and following on from createamum's comment, this is the best joke ever for eight year olds (or adults): What do you call an alligator in a vest? Don't bother to scroll down for the answer as I'm not telling (yet) ... Peahen.
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safia
November 2, 2017 18:06
Are you looking for suggestions? Investigator?
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Peahen
November 2, 2017 18:08
Oh. You are way too smart for me ... Yes, the answer is "An investigator". I thought that it was really funny. Perhaps I should get out more ...
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Peahen
November 2, 2017 18:08
Oh. You are way too smart for me ... Yes, the answer is "An investigator". I thought that it was really funny. Perhaps I should get out more ...
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safia
November 2, 2017 18:15
Definitely! Is there a prize? I logged onto the laptop specially to answer this as I can't do so on my phone! Is this all part of the birthday fun?
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Peahen
November 2, 2017 20:19
Sadly the only cyber prize that I can give is additional mental hugs. So, many, many coming your way. Not really part of the birthday fun - I love jokes but have problems remembering the punchline, which makes me a bit rubbish really. How do snails keep their shells shiny? (this is a six year old person joke).
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Peahen
November 2, 2017 20:19
Sadly the only cyber prize that I can give is additional mental hugs. So, many, many coming your way. Not really part of the birthday fun - I love jokes but have problems remembering the punchline, which makes me a bit rubbish really. How do snails keep their shells shiny? (this is a six year old person joke).
Edited 17/02/2021
safia
November 2, 2017 20:37
Snailpolish? Hugs always welcome - thanks!
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Tokoloshe
November 3, 2017 07:56
That's lovely! and Happy Birthday :) (15 was the WORST age for us, it has got a bit better since, so perhaps your DD is beginning to mature a little? Long may it last whatever the reason!)
Edited 17/02/2021
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