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Pre match wobbles

Seamus November 5, 2022 11:59

Hi all, we been waiting almost 18months since being approved and we finally been linked with a LO. However now that we are on the cusp I have become overwhelmed with it all and getting the wobbles.

It’s the uncertainty- actually the certainty that there will be uncertainty and FASD related difficulty of the years ahead- that I’m struggling with.

The reasons for adopting are still there but now we are facing reality I’m worried about the impact on our BS and us.

Has any else had these feelings or wobbles. How did you deal with them.


Donatella November 5, 2022 20:45

Like autism, FASD is a spectrum and each child will be impacted differently. There was an APPG report a few years ago which said that a majority of looked after children and adoptees had been impacted by alcohol abuse in utero. So I think to a great extent it’s almost a given. Many years ago I recall ticking the No box to autism - well, two out of my three are autistic and actually having an formal diagnosis can make life easier than managing a woolly albeit very real attachment difficulties scenario. Though it was a hard fought battle against ignorant professionals to get those diagnoses.

Having said that, it will undoubtedly impact your birth child. And your life will change for sure. Any child with additional needs will complicate life and it can be all encompassing.

There is light at the end of an often very long tunnel but be prepared. It’s hard work.

My three are 17, 18 and 21. We have two dxs of autism, one ADHD, one of anxiety and depression collectively but one’s graduated, one’s aiming for uni and one has a different path to follow.

It’s been a journey but it’s got easier as they got older.

Choose your schools carefully. Think carefully about different schools - 3 in different schools worked best here. Be prepared to fight.

I’ve no regrets at all but, honestly, it’s been hard work.

Deep breaths and good luck x

me3 November 6, 2022 22:06

I think we all have these wobbles, its a massive change but you've prepared for this. We've 2 bc and adopted our youngest 9 months ago now, she will have fasd and yes the uncertainty is still difficult, and there's been a lot of ups and downs a long the way. There has ben an impact on our bc, they love her, and they find her annoying, in a wirlwind of very normal sibling chaos. Its hard to give all your attention to all of the kids all at once, they are all keen for attention and we have had to give 100% to them all to offset our worries, but its going ok. Sometimes its awful, sometimes it wonderful. I really thinking having bc already has made it easier for us as we know what chaos little ones bring anyway and how hard it is. Have you watched the adoption uk webinar from Kanny Layjoy, that was really helpful and worth a watch. I also found it really helpful that all the way through our family finding team were brilliant with the whole introductions, transitions, they really really supported us and did what we felt would work for our bc and included them within it, so all the way through that was a really positive start.


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