Archived Forums

Didn't want to read and run. Massive hugs etc on the way to you. This is my nightmare scenario, the one which has no positive outcomes for anyone. With the help of our GP we managed to persuade my 14 year old to have a contraceptive implant this year, which gives us three years breathing space, although she announced in the kitchen today that when it comes out in three years time she WILL be having a baby. I said, no, you'll be having another implant... None of which helps you Chicken Licken, other than to say I have woken in the night worrying about being where you are now and I really really hope that someone who has actually lived this scenario comes along soon with some words of wisdom for you.

We are not in your exact position, but we do have a slightly older teenage pregnancy on our hands, though she is no longer living with us - and I worry she is not ready for this... However I have been in touch with SW and they are doing an unborn baby risk assessment, so I am trusting in the system. There is lots of support out there for young Mums if they are able to accept it - if not the CP stuff is designed to look out for the needs of the child who will be the priority. Potato group (Parents Of Traumatised Adopted Teens) will offer good support as I am sure there are others on there who have been where you may be. Do also remember to keep looking after yourself x

Been through this. Our older girl got a boyfriend who was 18 when she was 14. I took her for contraception but the doctor had a talk with her in private then announced that our girl was going to wait etc The next month she was pregnant. The younger girl had boyfriend .I took her to doctor. She then refused depo. The next month she was pregnant too. So it happened twice. We had the extreme teens behaviours too and school refusal. As far as practicalities go, I attended births as they were not adult. SWs got involved because of age and behavioural factors Older girl went to fc parent and child some miles away. We were always in contact. After a few months, on one visit she looked so ill I took her straight to hospital and told SSD they needed to find a place near to us. She was still with bf. They put her in a project house nearby with support offered. She is now in a housing association house near to us. Younger girl had lots of visits from HV. She was monitored. She is technically in foster care as care leaver but mostly with us ( long story!) but on priority list for accommodation. Both girls are adults and have their children with them. We have offered lots of support but could not start again with full time babes in our house. We have been through a lot and so have they. I am writing this with sleeping toddler in our room as his mum is out with his dad tonight, and having taken out oldest of elder girl 's children for much of this afternoon. They are needy and we look to strengthen their support systems as much as we can. I am pleased that they do take on their responsibilities towards their children/ child. They both have had to grow up very suddenly when emotionally they were still so young. Yes it is worrying but sometimes they can make it. I do not know the alternative either ..... without having to prove themselves as being capable of meeting a child's needs, would they have fallen into partying and drugs?. We have enough energy thank goodness to give as much practical support as we do, but we do take breaks away and we are more into promoting their capabilities than taking over a parenting role to this next generation. And they are both far less oppositional to and more organised with birth control now!!! Johanna x

Hi. I’m going to write you a private message. To read it, go into the screen where you sign in and on the right hand of the screen you’ll see messages.

Thanks for the messages - it really helps to hear from others about this. Your story gives me some hope Johanna that there would be some support from social services if she did have a child and that as adoptive parents it's possible support from a distance. However, we have the complication of birth family not far away and in regular contact so I think we would be rejected in favour of them. Also I hadn't thought about the dangers of the likely alternative lifestyle to having a baby - you found a silver lining! I wonder if anyone has experience of persuading their ADs to terminate the pregnancy - sorry if anyone objects to this on moral grounds but I feel so strongly it would be unfair to bring a child into the world under these terrible circumstances.

I have no experience of this but I think if you want to persuade her to have a termination then I’d try to get a professional to do this rather than doing it yourself as then you would potentially get the blame for the loss and it could backfire and damage your relationship further

What ever happened to the law? I remember the good old days where a 14 year old couldn’t consent to sex and men above the age of consent who had sex with girls under the age of consent were charged with statutory rape and in some cases jailed. It seems nowadays the age of consent is Ignored. Where did it all go wrong?

you can correct me if I'm wrong but I don"t think statutory rape is a charge in uk law. In any case the boy is 16. I'm not condoning it, but they arent the first teenagers to have sex resulting in pregnany and they certainly won't be the last. I don't see what would be gained here by charging a 16 year old with rape. Chickenlicken is asking for advice about her daughter.

It was a deterrent. As a 16 year old I and every other male I knew was certain that if you got caught having sex with an underage girl then it was possible jail time and certainly the ruin of your life prospects. Nobody seems to give a damn nowadays. There is still an age of consent. So at least they have had non consensual sex under the law. Why is that any different to adults having non consensual sex? Consequences seem to have been removed from this scenario.

Not sure that it always was a deterrent tbh. Kids have sex. I’m not sure it’s anything new ... and you’re only deemed unable to give consent at 13 or under. There’s no suggestion this was non consensual. Of course it’s not ideal .. but I’m not sure criminalising a child is helpful.

So why is the age of consent 16? I'm not suggesting criminalising her daughter, she is the victim. I'm suggesting the 16 year old who got her pregnant. It may stop this being the first of many children entering the care system. Serrakunda, you are right. It is called "Having Sex With A Minor" now.

Who got her pregnant? Takes two. What will criminalising him solve? This isn’t the 1960s. It happens. I’ve a friend who was pregnant at 15 and that was 40 odd years ago - he was over 16 and was a serial baby producer. Contraception and better sex ed better than criminalising .

It'll mean he'll think twice before doing it again. We either have an age of consent or we don't. Where do you draw the line. If you are legally recognised as not being able to consent to sex under 16 then yes, he got her pregnant.

I was worried about blossom becoming pregnant. Very worried about her capacity etc I’m amazed she managed until 21 but in honesty she had the implant and the gp was totally on side. She was sexually active from about 14. I was worried most about Partridge. Whereas blossom will only potentially get prg once a year he could go and have dozens of babies. He’s likely to have a drunken snog and ask questions if at all much later... He’s not bad with children but very vulnerable and immature. We did the consent talk, contraception and condoms education. He’s been to family planning and declared himself to be following the virgin path with his gf. They were def not virgins the following week. No condoms gone from the packet we bought for the bathroom. No contraception and no std protection. So far he’s not become a father. So by the grace go any of us. I would like to say about something I learned from holly van gulden. She says teens classically search for identity, so modern adoptive teen looks at their adoptive family- am I like them? maybe a birth child but on the whole ( to them ) very old and clearly no sex as only have 1 bc 25yrs ago. They’re not wild and irresponsible like me at all Instead they consider am I like my birth parents? Young? Wild? Irresponsible? Ticking all those boxes, Having a lot of sex (hence several kids ) aha! That’s what I am like! I’m predestined to be like them because I am all these things. So maybe interrupt that thinking and look at several other peoples paths to adulthood and leaving home. Knowing how to go different ways to grown up might not prevent any of it going wrong. But you can help them think stuff through. I found it helpful anyway.

Hi. When you say no one will speak to you about the pregnancy, is this medical people and/or social workers? I can't see why your daughter would not have social services actively involved, especially with the birth family involvement and her current lifestyle. 're the boy, yes boys are still prosecuted for this but someone has to make a complaint to the police. If no one says anything how do they know to prosecute? Personally I would report him from the NVR point of view of pulling in tight boundaries and being seen to have some capacity for action. In this whole business it seems to be the one thing you can realistically do and the boy has after all committed an offence. It seems like this girl thinks she can do what she likes and NVR is about making your parental presence felt. If you make a fuss with the police then i imagine that social services would have to be involved. If social services are involved then I doubt she will be able to take her baby off to birth family.

Finally returning to this thread after a few extremely challenging months to say at least on the pregnancy front things turned ok - for now. No pregnancy in the end and teen sexual health advisor persuaded her to have a contraceptive implant. All the comments are really helpful even when people disagree and I'm sure we will be in the same place again at some point.

Lovely to hear an update, and glad things are okay - especially that an implant has happened. Take care of yourself xx

Well done on getting the implant sorted, what a weight off your shoulders (and hers, although she wouldn't probably realise that). So glad to hear that there was no pregnancy either. Nightmare scenario avoided. Best for everyone.

Good news there. I know you will be talking about condoms and sexual health in general. I’m sorry to say safe sex as a message never did go into my AC, but some might have- you never know! The implant was a good result for my AD Blossom. It kept her not prg until she was 20. Which has to be a good thing.