Dear all,
I would really appreciate advice and shared experience. Kwame has been with us for three glorious years and after an initial phase of violent meltdowns has settled in nicely. We always new that despite being taken into care at 18 months he has experienced some abuse. He BF did not protect him from sexualised ideas. Hi elder brothers were abusive. he moved homes four times before he came to us. And having being taken into care with two brothers as a sibling group was eventually adopted (by us) alone.
We have seen sexualised behaviour at home but managed to accommodate it. He's seven. He's physically very affectionate to the point of being intrusive and I constantly have to remind him that mummy and son do not kiss the way he wants to. I accept that that penny might not drop until some point in the distant future. But it is a clear loving boundary that he understands even if he does not always respect.
I have been flung into a panic because this week I have been told that he has asked his cousin - also adopted and 18 months older than him - if she will be his girlfriend. This is not unusual; along with kissing I have had to explain to him why I cant be his girlfriend or marry him. But I wanted to marry my mum as a child so I've not been alarmed by this.
When he asked his cousin to be his girlfriend, he also tried to kiss her, Also not a big deal as such. But in this instance he tried to put his tongue in her mouth. This feels like a big deal to me.
Am I over reacting - because of his history? He is very persistent and does not understand the word no. he often demand hugs and kisses when I am not in a a hugging and kissing mood and most often its easiest to give him a hug and a kiss just to stop him pestering me. Most often I am happy with hugs and kisses every 30 mins. but not all the time. Would others react so strongly if their 7 years old son (with a history of abuse and some uncomfortable sexualised behaviour) approach his cousin in this way? I have chatted with him (to his mortified embarrassment) and not allowed him to avoid the conversation.
Should I be concerned or is this normal 7 year old boy behaviour?
CarolAnne
CarolAnne
