Edited 17/02/2021
Birthday next week
jas58
August 15, 2013 08:14
Haven''t heard a thing from as since police visited him last week and pointed out he would end up in court again, if he persisted in harassing me. This was after he followed me down the street shouting abuse.Next week is his 19th birthday. What to do? My inclination is to ignore it, as he only ever bothered with any of our birthdays, xmas etc if someone else organised it all and paid for it, but is this too harsh???It is so lovely to have some Peace at Last, as Mrs Large would say.......
Ma
August 15, 2013 08:42
That is such good news that you got the police to visit him, and that you are getting some peace......at last!!I was in a similar position, in that my AS's 18th birthday was in the midst of him moving out, and all the horrors that followed. I did recognise it though, by getting together a bag of goodies, a cake, and card which I dropped off to him. WE were not talking at this point, and infact he was being dangerously threatening towards me and family. I think i did this to show that despite all he was doing to me, I could still do the right thing, and recognise a birthday, and show him that he is still loved. I felt it right to show him that however awful he was being, I would still be there when he was ready to treat me with some respect. Like your AS, he has rarely bothered with anyones birthday in the past few years. But I wanted to rise above that to show him that it matters. I kind of keep hoping that if I keep doing things like that, it will make a difference: he will see that caring about others is important, and he will also see that he is cared for, even if he cannot care about himself. Since that time, our relationship has been improving steadily, and I do think that just keeping little links like that did help, whilst maintaining very clear boundaries about his behaviour. Hope that makes sense. xx
Edited 17/02/2021
amh
August 16, 2013 13:08
As ma said could a token gesture maybe a some magazines, chocolate etc but then put some money aside for him so it at some point if things change you can give it to him then.
Edited 17/02/2021
rosegarden
August 16, 2013 16:24
I'm afraid if it was only last week that the police were involved then I would leave this years.I understand all the reasons for giving support and understanding but as it is all so recent I would worry about setting things off again. Also it could be seen as a weakness on your part which could give him leverage again.I would harden my heart and just this once do nothing. Next year could all be different. One forgotten/missed card doesn't finish a relationship forever. Hopefully in the future you will be able to make it up to him.
Edited 17/02/2021
Archived
This topic is archived. New posts are not allowed.
