Edited 17/02/2021
Thinking Allowed
giftswerg
September 12, 2013 22:49
Had a meeting last week with our psychologist from Thinking Allowed about AS and there were a couple of points they made which really hit home. When I mentioned that he didn't like spending time alone, they responded that that was not surprising as you would really want to spend time with someone you don't like. It really made me think how much self loathing there must be in him sometimes which is really sad as he can be a lovely lad who has a lot to offer. The second point made was regarding the interchangeability of family ties as this was something that many adopted children have learned from an early age. This is a difficult one as no matter how much you love them and how much you put in, I always wonder about how much real attachment there is to us.
nancydanfan
September 19, 2013 08:12
I certainly relate to the second point with our dd. When she left her foster carer who Social Services described her as attached to she said "I will not miss you". During her time with us at various points she has latched on to other women and I think if I had said "do you want to go and live with X and she can be you new mum she would have gone." When we put her into care last year during crisis she unfriended family members on facebook and quickly made it clear she wanted nothing to do with us. Apparently she is now well attached to her new foster carers-lets see how long that one lasts. Some of her "best" and "longstanding " friends are not her friends now. However, people who she barely knows "really get her and are really supportive." I think attachment is so very complicated. I feel very attached to her but I now doubt that she was ever attached to me. That's where the pain comes in. From the outside it can look OK but with dd I think she learnt (whether consciously or subconsciously) how to mimic healthy relationships. If she had been an animal she would have been a chameleon.
Edited 17/02/2021
Esty
September 19, 2013 10:22
My youngest AS too. On some days he would stay if made an offer to go elsewhere but if the offer was made with material goods not sure where his attachment would be then. Though over time the days when he would go for material reasons are getting less and less.
Edited 17/02/2021
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