Hi everyone, I am only just beginning this journey so still researching all about the process. I would like to adopt and have two children already (one moved out and one 14 year old still at home). I have been a single parent almost all their lives so I know that I can handle a career and children however I wondered if there were any rules/stumbling blocks constraining single adopters who work from adopting?
Thanks in advance for any advise given
There have been a couple of similar posts recently so maybe take a look at those.
In short, the needs of the child and the opinions of the family finder will be the biggest driver. Care experienced children are complex, regardless of age, and many need to have a parent around for a lot longer than a securely attached birth child. And that’s before you factor in any possible health issues.
If a family finder has to choose between a family that can commit to a long adoption leave and/or have a flexible return to work option, or even the option to stay at home for an extended period, then they may feel that’s a better option for the child. Lots of our children just can’t manage childcare.
That’s the long and short. Some people manage to return to work full time, for others it’s more complex.
There is no ‘rule’ which says you can’t have a full time job.
in practice ‘constraints’ are a different matter and depend on you, the child and your job. You probably won’t really know if you can manage full time until your child is home. As Donatella says not all children can manage childcare or extended days at school. Most adopted children will have some level of additional needs, the extent of those needs will impact on your ability to work.
Adopters tend to be resourceful people who can make most situations work, but we also all have different levels of personal resiliance. Im a single adopters, 9 years in. I’ve never returned to work full time. Initially I went back three days a week. It was the right balance for us, but there have been times when I”ve only managed to stay in work at all because I was part time. I went up to 4 days a week 18 months ago and it has been a struggle. I have a decent civil service job, but my ‘ career’ was over years ago,
At the start of the pandemic I moved into a Covid related job and have effectively been full time and even though my son is 16 and reasonably independent, at times its been overwhelming.
I don’t think you should assume that because you have combined a full time career with being a single parent means that you could do the same again. Parenting adopted children is different.
And I think you need to be brutally honest with yourself. Do you really think you still have the same energy levels, stamina and resilience that you had when your children where primary age?
I know I don’t have the same energy I had 5 years ago. Just before Christmas I was asked to take my son’s two year old sibling, it was heartbreaking but I had to say no. I knew if I said yes, my working life was over, but I need to keep working for another 4 years for my pension. No way I could work full time with a toddler.
Flexibilty is the key thing really, but you should be open to the fact that you may not be able to return full time
I adopted over 20 years ago. At that time I had a good career as a teacher so with all the school holidays. We had a 20year old and a 14 year old and adopted 2 toddlers. I left work and didn’t work again till they were both at school - in fact the youngest was in year2. I worked part time for my husband for many years as I needed the flexibility around holidays as well as being there for my children who both had special needs (not known on adoption) I have only recently retrained in another role and am starting to build up sessions in this. Our children are both in their 20s but one is unlikely to work and the other is a self employed sports coach. They still need support of various sorts
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