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briefly, as need to get to bed!! My son has ASD and ADHD diagnosis and I was told by diagnosing paediatrician that it is totally possible in fact quite common for kids to hold it together in school and then be unmanageable at home. She added that this often makes parents feel rubbish and school start blaming incompetent parents. Take heart it does not sound like you are rubbish just confirming what she said. I feel for you having been there!!!

So are the teachers psychiatrists and/or paediatricians? Surely they must be or they'd be in no position to make such a diagnosis? Honestly. Does your son have a formal diagnosis? Is he medicated? If/when he was diagnosed then both you and school would have had to fill in a Connors. A lot of people still doubt that there is such a thing as ADHD, much preferring to see a naughty child. Just because your son can hold it together in school does not negate the dx. It's quite common for children to act in in school and then let loose once home.The medication presumably helps him to focus during the day time?

How did he get diagnosed with severe adhd if he's okay at school? When my girls were assessed, both school and I had to fill in the Connors forms for adhd. It does seem interesting that he is so 'good' at school. Wonder why that is.My daughter has something called PDA (Pathalogical Demand Avoidance Syndrome - you can google for it). She was always 'fine' at school but very difficult at home. She has a diagnosis also of add i.e. without the hyperactivity.We had her assessed in school by therapists we paid for privately (an OT, a speech and language therapist and an ed psych) and they all came up with masses of stuff that school were missing.My daughter does have loads of problems in the classroom, only she was deliberately masking them. School had never come across a child who could do this so well. PDA kids sometimes 'act normal' as a way of avoiding things they don't like. I am not saying this is your son, but it's an interesting angle. ADHD can look a lot like early trauma. It's all kind of complicated. But it could be that your son's diagnoses are not entirely accurate and also that school don't understand.It is very difficult to get help from school if a child is not acting out. Would you be able to afford to bring in a private therapist? If so, pm me and I will give you some details.