Edited 17/02/2021
I was right.......
Monkey Magic
February 28, 2013 20:50
This time last year our BD (eight at the time)was having serious problems living with our LO who at the time had only been with us for 4 months.I wondered if she could be depressed and she wrote us letters saying that she wanted to die.I sought help from everyone I could think of - School Nurse, GP, SWs, School Teacher etc. Each passed the buck and told me that girls often feel / act like that or that it wasn''t their responsibility.We''re now getting some really useful help from CAMHS and they''re appalled that we / BD weren''t offered help and support at the time. They''re impressed with what we, as parents, have achieved in the last year with the relationship between the 2 girls but sadly there are some concerns that LO''s trauma has quite seriously affected BD.We''re feeling confident with the scaffolding we''ve now got but I wanted to write this for the benefit of others with birth children. Please trust your instincts and if you think you need help - keep shouting.MMx
moptop
February 28, 2013 21:35
Its so sad that the initial agencies you approached didn't offer the help or at least advise where you could get it.Did the adoption agency state what after-adoption support they offered?
Edited 17/02/2021
Monkey Magic
March 1, 2013 19:18
Hi moptopWe're still pre AO. Our SW attempted to engage BD in some discussion but BD wouldn't open up to her - in fact clammed up completely. She only tried once and then gave up. LO's SW actively encouraged BD getting involved as a pseudo parent (by doing things for her) as a way in - LO wouldn't engage with BD at all.It seems to be this that has triggered most of the difficulties as it was parents who neglected and treated LO badly initially and therefore explains why BD has been the target of LOs hurting and agression since.It's clear to see in hindsight but when we were in the midst of it, it was the best way in we could see.MMx
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Nickym
March 12, 2013 18:59
My advice to anyone with birth children thinking of adoption is DON'T. I can not believe how damaged my beautiful son is being by what has happened with my adopted daughter. If I had my time again there is NO WAY I would ever take a risk with his happiness.
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moptop
March 12, 2013 21:38
Oh no Nickym that sounds sad How long has your adopted daughter been with you? Have you found any support?
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Nickym
March 12, 2013 22:09
I don't want to intrude on someone else's post but she was with me for 7 yrs (since aged 5) but I haven't seen her for 9 months. She is living with my ex husband who never wanted her.
Edited 17/02/2021
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