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Possibly. A sw would delve deeply, would more than likely encourage him to have a relationship with his child - or would certainly ask a lot of questions about him not seeing his child. It's also probable that his ex would be interviewed. So, yes, it may well be an issue.

Fabulous! :-( So she actually gets to totally destroy his life then! How would it be anything to do with her?

I don't understand why they complain about the fact there are so many children out there that need good loving homes and yet they make it so incredibly hard to adopt . Not every persons life is black and white

Because she's the mother of his child. Because in the past there was a case when this wasn't checked out with disastrous consequences. Adopting is hard. And it should be. Ultimately it's about funding families for children and sws have to be sure that adopters aren't going to give up when the going gets tough. As it will. Having said that sws are quite used to dealing with ex partners and are usually able to see through them. Others have had to deal with this. I seem to recall that someone was made to wait to very assessed until both had worked on their relationship with his child. Depending on the age of the child, it's possible that the sw will want to speak to him as well.

Shes got him calling her new boyfriend Daddy! He does not even know he exists! She changed his name illegally too! The judge told her to change it back after life work therapy and she just laughed! Social workers may be able to see through them but cafcass were completely one sided and thats why fathers for justice exists simply because there are women out there that lie. for their own means. They would have fun getting them to try to work on their relationship! He tried mediation, she just would not turn up. Shes a law unto herself. We are both totally comitted to having a family but its not happening naturally for us and every route we go down there seems to be a problem. The problem I have is that I am 43 and for her to be able to make as many problems as possible would make me too old after years of fighting to get a child. Maybe I could just do it as a single woman?

And different agencies could well have different attitudes towards this - so don't give up if the first one are not keen. Given the circumstances are beyond his control, this may not be a barrier but it would be something they would want to look into. Thing is they have to get at what is the truth so it's about whether he can convince them the loss of contact is all against his will - but presumably he has a paper trail to back this up?

No I haven't made the first call...I'm too scared of being rejected and facing yet another battle. Yes there is a 2 year court case with phyciatric evaluations and 4 clean hair strand drug tests as she told the court he was a herion addict! Its all so horrible and all he ever wanted was a family. She was cheating on him so he left. She will never forgive him for that. He was supposed to put up with it like her current boyfriend does! We would be extremely honest and hide nothing but its like our worst nightmare she has to be involved in any way. He had a breakdown over fighting in court for his son because of her lies and the way he was treated. His son was having very bad night terrors and started wetting the bed she said and it was going to be a life of being stuck between their hate for each other. He felt he had to walk away.

Just brings it all up again and makes it about her again and the fact he cannot be in his sons life instead of a beautiful new start with a little person that needs a loving caring home

In your shoes I would make some phone calls. You are certainly not too old. It WILL be tough being assessed though and IMHO you will have to be prepared for the possibility of being turned down or being asked to come back at a later date. Our experience was that we just kept going and kept going and about 3 years later we were approved!I am not saying it will take you that long! Sometimes we didn't necessarily agree with a decision. For example when my MIL died aged 86 our approval panel was cancelled so that my husband could grieve. She had dementia and although of course my husband did need to grieve, we found it very very stressful that the panel was postponed (and it was the third time it had had to be put off). We felt that our lives were easier now that MIL had died and could they not approve us and then have a time to grieve before matching us with a child. But that was not their way of working. We just accepted it although we didn't agree with their thinking at the time. After a few months we had a visit from SW and her manager and we really thought they were going to drop a bombshell and say we couldn't adopt. Then 4 months later my FIL died and we had to wait again! That was in the April and we were approved that November. Issues of grief and loss (such as your partner has had are very relevant in adoption). Will a child's loss and trauma trigger his loss? Quite possibly. Don't assume you will be rejected. Concentrate on what you have to offer and see what they say. On a positive note, the fact that your partner has a family member who he is separated from could be seen as a point of connection/empathy with a child who has lost everything. I was told that my family background would give me empathy with a child. That is true but also possibly quite naive as the child's own trauma can affect us as parents. All the best, Lasrti

Thank you Lasrti, thats really made me see things in a different way. I know the road ahead is not going to be easy at all but I think saving that little person from a life in care and giving them a loving family and at the end of it looking up at me calling me Mummy will be greater than anything I can ever hope for in life. I have to keep focused on that.