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Hi. I funded a private EP assessment for my then 11 year old daughter. She’d coped in a supportive primary school - she’s dx Asd - but we all (then school, Senco, prospective secondary school head and senco, and me) knew that secondary would be quite different and that she needed a different environment. All of us except the LA EP who apparently had other children to think of, not just mine. Oh and her bosses ?. Didn’t go down too well. She refused to do an updated cognitive assessment, just a quick assessment.

So private it was. And well worth the money. Contradicted everything the LA EP had said, diagnosed her as hyperlexic - had to google that one - and eventually resulted in LA agreeing the school place we wanted after turning us down at panel 5 times on the basis of their own EPs report.

If you can stretch to it, I’d go for it. Have you considered a private Slt assessment? We had one for dd when she was around 5 and it was far more in depth and informative than the nhs Slt.

Just make sure though that your LA accepts private assessments - not all do.

Hi Lily

I would imagine most adoptive parents share your frustration.

Well done for doing some great advocacy – sounds like you are acing things.

I thought I would share my experiences as an adoptive parent of an 11 and 12 year old (came to live with us at 6 & 7). I am no expert, but my thoughts come at it from a slightly different perspective. Having been through what you are going through, I am now possibly able to look back at things with a little bit of hindsight (hopefully with a bit of positivity too, with what at the time seemed to be a complete nightmare).

Like you, I was frantic with concern/worry at age 7/8 and very frustrated with the lack of urgency and the bureaucracy in our education system etc. I too wanted the best chances for my children. My children were clearly struggling academically. However, I look back now and I realise that my frenetic determination to get things sorted may have had a negative impact on my children. I have only just come to really understand this since my youngest started secondary school, where for the first time he seems really happy at school.

I wonder sometimes as an adoptive parent if I truly realise/understand just how much additional pressure I unintentionally put on my children in my desperate bid to support them at school. I realise now that some of the unintended consequences further added to their emotional anxieties and trauma i.e. “I really must be dumb” “Dad thinks I am stupid as he is always coming into the school”, “my friends don’t get extra support”, “why can’t I be like them”. As a consequence of these anxieties, my children’s ability to learn and flourish lessened because I was endorsing their feelings of worthlessness.

It is a very fine and difficult balance to find/achieve. I can’t believe I am saying this, but with hindsight, I think the waiting lists and delays may have served as a good thing (please don’t tell the school, Virtual Head & Dept for Education this!), as it enabled our children to go at a pace that was better suited to them (rather than one that suited me as an adult/parent who wanted everything done yesterday).

Both our children are now in secondary school, both are “significantly behind” (which breaks my heart). But both are for the first time really HAPPY! A result of which they are beginning to really flourish. Their resilience is improving and so is their ability to learn. I still keep advocating hard for my children, but hopefully, with a better understanding of my children’s real needs.

Hope the above makes some sort of sense and gives you another perspective on things.

Keep up the fantastic advocacy, it is always worth it.

Take care

Simon

P.S. Don’t pin all your hopes on the Educational Psychologist, as I am sure you can imagine they do not have a magic wand. Yes, you need the support of one; it’s another useful tool in your armoury as your daughter moves through the school. Private referrals are expensive; I would strongly advise that you are confident that your school will absolutely be able to support and carry through the psychologists recommendations (not as easy as you would think, especially with the turnover of teachers in our primary schools). Already it sounds like you have many great things in place at school that the psychologist would endorse/replicate. There may be better things you could spend the money on to support your daughter……

Thanks Donatella.

No, I hadn't thought about private SLT assessment.

I'm just wondering how I would find out whether the LA will accept private EP assessments. Would the Virtual Head be the place to start? The school will and are supportive, but they are not the arbiters of EHCPs if it comes to that.

ps Roughly how much was a full cognitive assessment, do you recall? I'm thinking £500-£800ish based on initial research.

Hi Simon

Thanks for your response. I understand where you are coming from in terms of concern about pressure, parental stress etc. and I am a great advocate of mindfulness and acceptance in adoptive parenting. I am not pushing for my children to be on the fast track to medical school before doing their SATs, believe me.

FWIW, I don't think your experience particularly rings true for me.

I'm a parent of two children, adopted one after the other (littlest a subsequent child of same BM) and I very much learned the lessons you reference about patience and not panicking, supporting self-esteem etc. with our older daughter, who is now 11 and starting secondary school. It gives me both a sense of perspective, but also a developmental reference point for the younger daughter.

FWIW, in my experience and the experience of teachers, children begin to become self aware around yr3/4 in terms of comparing themselves to others and realising how well or not they "perform" academically. Our eldest certainly did and we have always hugely supported her self-esteem and sense of mastery elsewhere (e.g. in sport, music). And yes, her happiness. Interestingly, having achieved age-related-expectations in her SATS with a lot of hard work and self-doubt, she has immediately been picked up as having dyslexic traits (reading decoding difficulties) upon entry to secondary. It is a relief to know this and to know that the secondary are using specific strategies to support her.

But back to youngest. We sent her to primary at age 5 (commonly referred to as delayed entry, in reality, a CSA start) and spent two years entirely focused on her emotional wellbeing, friendships and ability to be self-regulated, happy and valued in school. Now that all that is in place and she is indeed happy and settled, as you say, we can see that she is a country mile away from being able to access the curriculum at all...and that when juniors kicks in next year, this is likely to be in itself a source of distress. Her friends, who are her world, are hugely more advanced intellectually than her. This may be OK when she's 7. By the time she's 8, 9, 10, 11, this may be a barrier to those friendships. This may be a SLD, an intellectual disability etc. She may need extra support. She may need a different setting altogether, which is harder.

As you say, it's a fine balance but just be careful not to assume that all parents advocating for their children are doing so because they have unrealistic expectations.

best wishes

LTP

https://mft.nhs.uk/rmch/services/social-development-clinic/LtP this might be worth looking at if you are in the right area.

I am a great advocate of special schools - my daughter was as you describe your youngest LTP - gradually falling further and further behind - during infants she was largely accepted and had nice friends then she moved to a school with an “inclusion unit” so she had help but not enough. I remember going to a talk for parents on year 6 SATS and becoming very despondent and really pushed for special school for secondary after that as I knew mainstream wouldn’t work - a friend was really shocked but if it was her child struggling every day and falling further and further behind I’m sure she’d have thought differently - so many failure experiences and so called friends that just took advantage - at special school she did really well - had really good friends - was one of the higher achievers and was in school performances and sports teams - none of which she would have had in mainstream. She also had many good after school and holiday clubs and both art therapy and anger management sessions. I was lucky that she already had a statement etc though. When she was a young adult (19) I got private a assessment for ADHD which was worth every penny (about £500) and I wished I’d followed that through when she was younger as it may have made a real difference - who knows! My son was also refused Ed psych assessments at secondary school - they said they couldn’t afford it - he had been referred to CAMHS and they did it - is that an option?

Hi Lily, I paid around £400 for my daughters around 3years ago. Some are more expensive than others but I recently went to a presentation by a centre that does a whole range of different assessments and the costs weren’t unreasonable. My experience is that both private assessments we had were really helpful - the Slt assessment led, in part, to her autism diagnosis which has been a helpful diagnosis because it does being support.

We don’t have virtual schools here but all authorities here now have to accept private reports. My LA ‘mislaid’ ours .. but did manage to locate it when pressed!

My three are all happy in education now - eldest in university - but for the younger two it’s taken a lot of advocacy, a lot of time, effort and building relationships with teachers and other profs.

I’ll post a link in a second - probably too far from you but they see clients from all over

https://dyscovery.southwales.ac.uk

Thanks for the further responses. Don't have time for a longer response now so just acknowledging. ?

We did consider private psychologist, as school were not recognising problems, but did not want to spend the money if it would be ignored. If you are thinking of an EHCP you might think of starting one with your evidence. We did this because school said a couple of times they would get an assessment then just had a conversation but did not assess. The EHCP took about a year as it was rejected the first time but when it went to tribunal they agreed to assess. We were able to tell the Ed Pysch. what we wanted testing so he had a full assessment and her feedback formed a large part of the support our DS is now receiving at the new school.

Hi

Just to briefly update.....

We did get an EdPsych referral. Fortunately, we didn't go private as we managed to get access to the school's EdPsych resource sooner.

It has been a good move. The report shows some very stark cognitive deficits and spells out how these affect every aspect of her ability to learn, her social relationships and her ability to self-regulate in school. Very glad I pushed and pushed for it, though I suspect this is only the beginning of a long road.

An odd mix of being relieved/vindicated at some clear findings - and some grief, knowing the harder path ahead for her.

I shall be joining the ranks of the adopters here who say "yes, attend always to attachment and trauma but don't discount what else is going on...."

Safia, I don't know yet whether her future lies in mainstream or not. Lots of supporting and reviewing to come I feel. As you say about your daughter, mine is now at the top end of infants, with lovely friends and this gorgeous sunny, funny personality which keeps those friends with her. But we will have to see how well she can keep up with their development in years to come.

LTP x

I’m sure it’s a real mix of emotions. But ime the right diagnoses do bring support, especially in education. Two of mine are diagnosed with autism and it’s meant that they’ve been able to move out of mainstream and into the right specialist provision. It’s been hugely positive.

My son will now have to return to mainstream to do his As - but he’s in a much better place now at 16 than he was at 6 so we’re very optimistic that he will cope - with the right support.

Our kids are complex and there’s rarely just one issue in the mix. Birth parents often struggle because of underlying issues - drugs, alcohol etc can be seen as self medicating. What lies beneath that?

Good luck xx