Archived Forums

hi princess1i think some agencies want a maximum age difference between the adopter and children of 40 years (so eg a 45 year old adopter would have to look for a child aged 5 or above - there's lots of older children out there BTW)but it's worth looking around at different agencies both local authority and voluntary agenciesgood luck with your searching suze x

My husband was 53 when our children were placed with us.

We are 44 and 46 and go to matching panel on thursday for a 3 year old.Good luckmilly1

I've recently sent off for info from a VA and my LA; the former say no more than 45 years between child and parent. the latter say 'as long as the child could reasonably have been born into the family'.Hope that helps!

Ps: however, the VA also say they will only place babies with married couples under 40 years old.

I think alot of agencies will go roughly along a 45 years rule, but it doesn't have to apply to both members of a couple, there are often exceptions esp. when one partner is significantly older/younger. I.e. you may find a baby is placed where mum is 40 and dad is 52. I think what it is worth remembering is that what seems do-able now at say late 40's with a baby or toddler, translates into dealing with a young teenager in your early 60's, and supporting long-term a (possibly) difficult and traumatised young person in your late 60's and early 70's.A friend of mine adopted one of her foslings (from newborn) in her late 40s with her hubby. Sadly he died of cancer a couple of years ago in his mid 60's when AD was 19. Mum is finding handling her AD's atrocious and increasingly dangerous behaviour extremely hard after losing her hubby. What was once manageable between them has now become unmanagable, AD stumbles from crisis to crisis, stealing and manipulating as she goes, my friend is at breaking point and without the constant support of her older BC, she would have gone under some time ago and is often a nervous wreck on the brink. Fortunately she has now accepted that she has to involve the police and press charges and cannot continue to cover up and make excuses for her AD.So think about the long-term future as well as the managing of the needs of little children.Midge

I suppose I'm an older mother as I'm now 50 and dh is 43. Our three have all been placed as babies and are now 8, 5 and 3. Our youngest was placed with us almost 3 years ago now.It can be tiring but I don't honestly think that at the moment I'm any less energetic than other friends who are much younger parents. I have nothing to compare it to as I was never a younger mother!SWs I've been involved with have spoken about a 45 year age differential but have all said that it's not set in stone.Hope that helps.

Helllo, we have just brought our pup home. She's just 16 months old- we are 41 and 48 years old

our hobbit came home last year and we are 43 and 42.hobbit is three yrs old.go for it.

Maybe it is also worth considering your future child in relation to their peers - round here, most people seem to have their children young - teens and early 20s, so being 30 when I adopted a toddler made me feel and seem old compared to the local mums, unless I went to the more "middle class" events like Presma. In my mid 30s, I am older than about 85% of the mums of children of DS's age in our area - it is "hidden" as many grans or older child minders pick children up from school. I also worked with a little girl who was being looked after by her gran (who was in her late 50s when the child was 10) and this child really struggled with feeling very different - at this school in a socially disadvantaged area, Mums of children of 10 were rarely even in the 30s. She loved her gran but was very different from the other children and bullied because of it.

Our children had just turned 2 and 3 when placed with us 18 months ago.My husband was 43 and I was 42 (nearly 43).