Edited 17/02/2021
2 year old grandson
Ember
August 6, 2017 00:18
I haven't been around for awhile so delighted to come back today to find a dedicated grandparents board! My 20 year old dd has 2 children - a 2 year old and a 9 week old. They all live with me along with 9 week olds dad. My dd is challenging! Her behaviour is erratic and she is hard to live with (though can be lovely too). She didn't cope when first was born and SS became involved and strongly encouraged me to apply for special guardianship - I agreed to a Child Arrangement Order which gives me residency but less permanent than SG. He is on a 'Child in Need' plan. Littly is on Child Protection as I have refused to take on her (financial implications make this impossible - full time childcare costs for #1 while I work as a teacher have crippled me, I have no resources to do it for #2 as well). Anyway # 2 is a whole other story for another time, I want to talk about gorgeous grandson aged just 2 (last week). I feel certain that he's with me for the long haul. I have pretty much been his main career since he arrived in this world and his primary attachment is definitely to me. Dd had a great pregnancy with him - no alcohol, no drugs, minimal cigarettes and gave up by 20 weeks, dosed up with maximum strength pregnacare and 9 months in bed watching crap TV! DGS arrived placid and good natured, sleeping through the night by 9 weeks. Having no experience of parenting babies, I switched my allegiance from this forum to mumsnet! Terrified he might end up with behaviour issues like his mum, I googled extensively looking for red flags...and found none and in fact noticed that he appeared to be meeting his milestones early. He started going to a childminder aged 4 months and now does 3 days at a childminder and 2 at nursery. He has been talking in complete sentences from about 20 months and is still a pretty chilled although determined little chap - he doesn't have extreme temper tantrums. His nursery reports that he is advanced in all areas including social skills - probably because he's been socialised from very young. Clearly I'm delighted and have worked very hard at parenting him to promote a positive attachment, but still in the back of my mind I'm concerned that he might end up with severe behaviour problems like his mum... he does here her kicking off from time to time but try and protect him from as much as I can. I don't think I have the energy to parent another very difficult child through my 50s and 60s. I suppose I'm just looking for some reassurance that if he was likely to develop severe behaviour issues, there would be some indicators already. What do you think?
aprilshowers
August 6, 2017 09:47
Hi, I remember your name, like you I am a grannie, number 5 is due soon, like you one of my DD has worrying behaviour issues and kicks off, she is being treated at the mo for bi-polar, she lives with grandson number 3 along with her bf who works, gs 3 is a chilled out baby (14 months) meeting milestones, hears a lot of kicking off, but is lovely, and does not seem to be worried by the kicking off. I suppose that in itself is worrying, it becomes normal, in your case and certainly ours as well, genetics will play a big part, as will the no drink or drugs, your involvement and the consistant care that he has had, and what we have to remember is when we all adopted it was a leap in the dark, trauma was not high on the list, SW looked at attachments, but all of our children suffered abandonment loss and trauma some have behavioural issues some cope in different ways, you have been there for your gs all the way through, that will have made a huge difference for his start in life. Good to hear from you again.
Edited 17/02/2021
Ember
August 7, 2017 22:20
Hi April, yes I read your posts before posting. What are you going to do should SS ask you to take any of them at some point? I love dgs to the moon and back but it's 2 weeks in to the summer holidays and I feel more tired than I do in term time - teaching is definitely easier than being at home with a 2 year old and another 2 year old in a 20 year old body! Dgs has just started noticing his mums erratic ways (probably as he's at home rather than in childcare at the moment) He kept asking his mum if she was crying the other day but with a new baby to care for, me and dgs are doing our own thing most of the time. I do often wonder how dd managed to produce such a laid back, bright and funny child (and to be fair so does she). There are same very dodgy characters on both sides of his family but also some pretty talented characters too. I guess I just take one day at a time with him
Edited 17/02/2021
bt
September 2, 2017 12:48
Hi, I too have recently come back and am delighted to find a grandparents section. My situation is very similar to yours, daughter persuaded to come home when the baby was born - he was on the at risk register. We worked hard to get him off. Work well with his daddy's family too (daddy also has social communication problems, a new baby with his latest girlfriend and she also has learning difficulties). Anyway, grandson is now two. His mum is planning to move out but has plans for him to stay here with me. I am happy for that and his daddy's family have also said they are happy for that. Her plan is for him to move to her when she is 'ready'. She loves him, he adores her but the day to day routine and responsibility is too much for her. She has been told if she took him he would be placed back othe register. What I really want to know is the legal side. I want some kind of protection / stability for him and me. I would be happy for him to go back to live with his mum full time, when the time is right. Until then I want security, I want to know that neither parent can just come and take him or refuse to bring him home just because they are in a bad mood with each other or life (this is something they would both be prone to). Did SS organise your SG / residencey? Because my daughter is doing this voluntarily SS do not want to be involved and I just don't know the right route to take. I do not want to take away either parents responsibility. I just want to ensure security. Any advice?
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Madrid
December 5, 2018 09:45
Ember posted last in September 2017. Did nobody answer her question ??
Edited 17/02/2021
Johanna
December 5, 2018 10:56
I would suggest contacting the Family Rights Organisation. We had a Residence Order then a Special Guardianship Order but this was in 2002. I think now that Kinship Fostering would have been better as it helps with a link to fostering and it is easier to access help should it be necessary. It would also offer more financially ... in our situation we struggled to work and provide child care as we were still paying a mortgage. Our girls are now adults and as they grew older their complexities were more apparent. There is a lot of genetic predisposition to complicated conditions. Overall though, we have a lot of love between us and we help them in practical and financial ways to raise their children. It goes on and on ......... Johanna xx
Edited 17/02/2021
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