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I've always worked full-time. I adopted school-aged children so the regular problem was before, after and out-of-school care which was stressful but manageable. It was hardest at around 11-14yrs when they were too old for clubs but too young to supervise themselves. For the irregular emergency things, illnesses and so on, my work just had to cede priority. I went to huge lengths to arrange non-emergency medical appointments during vacations and would juggle things so that overall the impact was negligible. I always recommend single adopters look into unpaid leave. I found it a really useful and cost-effective solution to enable a chunk of time at home without losing my position at work. Good luck with whatever you decide!

I’m not a single adopter but just going to suggest you look into reducing your hours as an alternative - have you looked at tax credits? Although not single I’ve significantly had to reduce both my hours and the type of job I do - and I know this is very common - we have had tax credits and child tax credits in the past and I have had carers allowance for years - my daughter has PIP

A lot depends on what your job is, how flexible it is, practical things like how far you have to travel, is it in the opposite directon to school, how important your career is to you, as well as the demands of the child. Before I complete the approval process I had a job which was about 30% office based, a lot of regional travel, managing conferences and events so a lot of late night/early starts. I loved it, just not practical for a single parent. By the time I was approved I was back in the civil service, very boring job, but 9-5, and flexible working. When Simba came home I went part time, 0.6 fte. when he was at primary I worked four short days to fit school hours. Now I work three days. I am very fortunate to get an adoption allowance which enables me to do this. I am also not in the slightest 'career minded'. I have a good job, which if I was 20 years younger I could develop into a career but I'm not and never have been interested. Personally I wouldnt want to not work at all. Working provides an income not dependent on govt pulling the rug on benefits that you are reliant on, pension considerations, doing something adult. You also need to think about how eventually you would get back into the job market when you need to. The workplace is changing so rapidly that I find it difficult to keep pace as it is. I will probably increase my hours to 30 when Simba is through GCSEs in 2020, by then my mortgage will be paid off and I want to boost my pension a bit. But to be honest I can't see myself working full time again, partly because I just don't want to ( I'd rather be down the allotment!) and fortunately I don't have to. Have flexible is your workplace, are things like compressed hours, school hours, term time working, working from home if you have a commute, possible. I think finding the right working pattern is important. Also remember that you are still adjusting to going back to work, its a new routine, I found it very tiring. You have had the bad luck of illness. It will settle down and probably get a lot easier.

I reduced my hours as a teacher to 70% when my child came home, but found that hours in further education don't match school hours - I had to work evenings, Saturdays and some school holidays. Finding childcare with no family locally was a nightmare, especially when she started to get near secondary age. She also didn't cope well with childcare despite having a fantastic childminder. In the end I had to change my job to a teaching assistant which halved my salary. I was lucky - I'm still on tax credits and have a small adoption allowance and I work 30 hours a week which gives me an extra £61 a month from tax credits. I wouldn't have been able to pay the mortgage on universal credit! There are also many more demands on your finances as the child reaches secondary school - mine has very large, very wide feet and shoes end up costing £60 a pair and only last a term. At nearly 14, she still struggles being left in the house on her own. I would have lost my house if I hadn't kept working and working school hours has meant my daughter doesn't miss out on my time as well as being able to afford some treats.

I think it's important to work - it is a good respite from being the parent of a challenging/traumatised child - but like others I've greatly rethought what I do. It is really difficult to find rewarding part-time work that provides sufficient income to pay the mortgage, for shoes etc etc. I spend an enormous amount on holiday clubs, but am about to face the challenges of having a teenage girl for whom there is no childcare, but who is utterly not ready for being home alone. Never easy... just different as the years pass.

HI everyone. Thanks so much for taking the time to reply in a very busy week! You all make some really good points. On the harder days at work I think it was so much more straightforward on adoption leave and fantasise about quitting my job, but realistically I do need something for me, to use my brain, I think my son and I had both got to the point where 7 days a week, 24 hours a day of each other was getting a bit much and some kind of change to that probably was needed (he's 21 months so he probably didn't consciously think that! But I think it did feel like time for him to have some time without me). You've also made me realise how very lucky i am with my job - my employer agreed to me working 3 days a week, home based, and it's a very flexible organisation so I can be very flexible with hours around nursery drop off etc. Plus one of the directors is an adoptive parent so very sympathetic. So a huge a mount going for it. The downside is it can be quite stressful and demanding and a has a culture of working evenings, emailing at weekends etc, something I feel quite strongly I don't want to do - I want my time with my son to be with him, not putting him in front of the the TV while I finish off a report, send a few emails etc. I'm quite determined not to do that so I guess I'll have to see whether the job is doable within my own boundaries. I am actually in a universal credit area and it's working out ok for me as I rent my property, so I get help with the rent and 85% of childcare paid for. Universal credit is supposed to make it pay to be in work and it really does - I'm substantially better off working than not working. So I think I've probably got it quite good really - an interesting job that's flexible and adoption sympathetic and the finances work out - I need to quit moaning and give it a proper go! I think it's just adjusting to being a working parent - I've always been full time and could put in extra hours if needed to handle the stress. Now I can't and above all I don't want to be a stressed out person who parents badly. That's got to be my number one now and so I just need to find my way of making this job work. Thanks again for replying and Happy Christmas!

It sounds like you have the basis for a good work/life balance there. Its hard to step outside the culture of the organisation but you do have to. Someone made a snide remark to me about being a part timer, when I left work before Christmas, because I work Mon - Weds, it means I'm not back in until 8 Jan. Yes I am, I also get paid part time salary, that doesnt seem to occur to people. I also don't take my laptop home except for very rare occassions, so I can't log on at home. Again this seems to annoy some people. Although I did once describe my week, including two days 'off' and they got the message. I think sometimes they think I'm lounging around having my nails done. Set your boundaries, put on your email signature your working hours so its clear when you are available. Stick to it rigidly for 6 months so everyone is clear, then maybe think about the odd exception. Not saying its not hard, I'm permanently shattered, but its managable. You just need to find that new routine.

My daughter is eight and has major attachment disorder as she had already had five homes by the age of five. I have had to become a supply teacher but the holidays and lack of sick pay kill me. I have applied to the post adoption team for a special fund which now enables me to do four days supply instead of five when I get the work! You have to have lots of evidence about how it’s affecting the child and your wellbeing but it’s worth a go! They had to go to panel for it but you should contact your post adoption team!

I had a year's adoption leave then returned to work part time. It has been hard - partly because being part time is harder in many ways than being full time - the meetings and bureaucracy take up a higher proportion of your time than for a full timer and you have less flexibility too. I work in the NHS and because my work is partly in schools I've been able to get a term-time only contract which is mostly a good thing (though again reduces flexibility). It's got much harder over the last two years because my son (who has learning difficulties and some attachment issues is now attending college "full time" Ha, Ha, Ha! i.e. 3 days a week. I can leave him alone at home (in bed or with access to the TV but not to the internet) but don't like to leave him for more than half a day as the lack of purpose and structure results in increased aggression, so I can only work half days on the two days he's off which means I only get the one short day when he's in college and I'm not in work to try and fit in everything else - which is stressful and requires a lot of prioritisation. I'm with you on the not doing work stuff when I'm off and have been trying to do that strictly for the last few months, but gave up this weekend and wrote 4 reports at home just to reduce the pressure at work where I felt like I was going to burn up. Is it worth it? - Like you, I sometimes feel I'd like to jack it all in but I remember how bad the post adoption depression was (during my time off - even though I had more freedom to do other things - and I'm working hard to try and get across the idea that my son also needs to work to support himself rather than expecting society to provide for him while he dosses (which is a fair description of both his birth parents!). SO, for now at least I'll continue. Hope you can continue to see the light on your more difficult days.