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SaraeOh my love, how horrid for you and dh. Presumbly ds was not with you ?No time for a big reply just now but did not want to read and run.You must complain to SS - either to letter box If it came via letterbox or to ds social worker if he is yet to be adopted or if that sw is still in contact with bm.This sort of thing, bm having another baby, must not be allowed to surprise you.Complain complain complainJellies

Thanks for that. We adopted our little boy in Feb this year. So everything is finalised. Not in contact with SW anymore, but I think I will contact the letterbox regarding the new baby.xx

There really should have been something on the parcel to indicate where it was from. I would get in touch with letter box. Perhaps you could ask that anything is sent after Christmas - do you have an agreement for letterbox? Does it say that presents can be sent? Or was it cards only. We get cards and presents from one of our kids bm. They are sent via SW and they always let us know they are on the way.If you don't get anywhere with letterbox then get intouch with post adoption.

Firstly I would have thought SS should have told you about the new baby. We actually signed an agreement which asked that SS told us about anything significant which happened to the birth family. You do need to know - if at all possible - in order that you can keep the lifestory up to date.We have Christmas and birthday cards every year for middly. It was all part of the contact agreement so there were no surprises. You say that you received them last year as well so I guess they were not entirely unexpected? You should have a contact agreement which specifies exactly what context lb will take and if xmas and birthday cards aren't part of this then you need to speak to the sw.Our son is 4 now and has been here for 3 years. His bm has been very good at sending cards and whilst they can make me feel a little uncomfortable I do have to recognise that he had a life before he came here and that no matter what she is his birth mother. I think the discomfort is something that I have to deal with - my problem really. We don't get any prior notice that cards are coming (they come via ss) but obviously we expect them anyway.

We do have a letterbox contract in place, the agreement was Birthday and Christmas cards from BM and BD.I suppose this is my problem and I have to learn to deal with it. Perhaps it will get easier as the years go by. I have to keep remembering this is for N's future.I will find out about extended family though.Thanx for all your adviceSara

Hi,Im very surprised your SW have allowed this! We were very fortunate to have very good SW's. They stated that no contact whether direct or post is allowed on significant dates that effect us, that includes all birthdays, anniversaries & xmas, as the conduct can spoil our family time. I strongly advise that you speak with your SW and have this changed. Good luck

To be honest Sara I don't think that it does get any easier - either receiving or sending.We do our lb at a neutral time of year so that it doesn't clash with either birthdays or Christmas. But part of the agreement (with some reluctance on our part) was that bm and sibs were able to send birthday and xmas cards.I have to say that I find it harder each year. Middly has been with me for coming up to 4 years and arrived as a 12 month old and it feels like he's always been here. He's become like part of the furniture (in a nice way) and I almost forget that he had a life before me. And then the cards arrive and it's a jolt each and every time. And the writing gets harder. I have started to resent having to do it. I know that I have to and I will - for him - but after all this time I feel that he's mine now.And then on the other hand I wonder whether my other two are missing out on something as they've never had anything from their bm - and even though I have now initiated lb for both of them it's unlikely that bm will ever bother to pick them up and certainly won't reciprocate.But I have to do what's right for them in the long term - much as I don't particularly like doing it. It's hard .... but necessary, sadly.