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Babies

Angelgirl August 30, 2013 13:29
Hi there,I wondered whether anyone had experience of their LO disliking babies?Our dd has become increasingly strange around babies and particularly older babies that are mobile.She''s always been a bit like this but it seems to be getting worse with age not better.Do you think it could be because she is more aware of her start being different to theirs like a sort of jealousy?It''s quite intense and today she told me that she ''hates babies'' after seeing a friend with one. She couldn''t explain to me what it is that she dislikes so much and so I started ''wondering'' aloud and this just seemed to make her madder.Her foster carers did take babies in emergency placements and I wonder if it stems back to the feeling of a baby turning up out of the blue and displacing her.It really breaks my heart because I would dearly love to adopt again but I know that she would not cope.Any ideas???A xx
Edited 17/02/2021
suze August 30, 2013 14:31
Don't know how old she is but my sons always been the same, he's great with little children even though he's now 15.He says it's because he feels jealous that they have a better babyhood than he did and they're lucky. Interestingly he's fine with fostered babies and can cope with me holding themI couldn't adopt again for the same reasonSuze x
Edited 17/02/2021
Wibbley August 30, 2013 16:26
Just to add another possible into the mix. My DS used to be very vocal about his dislike of babies.However as he got older he was able to tell us it was the noise they make. Moving ones & toddlers are also very unpredictable too - they move suddenly, throw, snatch, squeal, tantrum etc.All way too much for my ASD (very high functioning) boy. I know another HFA child who still at 8yrs hates babies due to the noise they make. So much so that he been unable to revisit the place we last met as a crying baby there has upset him so much.
Edited 17/02/2021
Millmoll August 30, 2013 20:36
Hi, my AD has always been the same , when she was just 3 she was in the trolley in m and s and every baby we saw she kept saying "nasty baby" to every baby we saw! Obviously the parents of their 'precious' new offspring where non too pleased!!!! Looking back it is quite amusing but I was so embarrassed at the time. She has gradually got over it she is now 6 and this year on holiday she really took to one of the toddlers and at the end of the holiday said "I think I love ...... She is so cute!" So give things time , things do sometimes change!Millmoll x
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freddie2 August 30, 2013 21:38
My ad was like this. I used to have to watch her like a hawk at play groups as I remember that at around 3 she would knock over walking babies for no apparent reason. It was mortifying.We decided we probably would not adopt again as our ad needed us to herself and was really struggling at pre school.But anyway, we got a phone call when she was 4 saying that her bm was pregnant and would we adopt baby....initially we said no, and our ad's pre school teacher thought this was wise given our ads issues. But once the baby was born and was named I just couldn't stop thinking and worrying about him. I spoke to an ed pysch who had been assessing my ad and her take was very different and re freshing. She thought that adopting a sibling would actually be beneficial for my ad particularly in the long term.So we went ahead. It was very rocky at the start. The honey moon period ended after a day and my ad was then all over the place, and became quite aggressive. The ed pysch advised me that rather than tell her off, to talk to her and reassure her and pour her with love and nurture. I now think that she thought tht he baby was going to replace her, as I think she has memories of being moved around herself as a baby despite coming to us at a very young age-5 months. Anyway the approach worked, and things settled quite quickly, but then I think her attachment to us is fairly strong which definitely helped.Now the more challenging one is the baby who s now nearly two and has taken to biting and scratching his big sister when he can't get hs own way! And although she is no angel and often provokes him, she never retaliates, and s surprisingly gentle with him.In fact today in the car I asked her what shed like to be when she grows up and said she just wants to carry on being a big sister, bless her.Not sure if this helps, but thought it may be interesting o hear our experience xx
Edited 17/02/2021
Flosskirk August 30, 2013 22:21
My elder daughter has always had a problem with babies - and women breastfeeding in public is a particular problem. We had to start avoiding the cafes in our local John Lewis as a result as she would get really angry and explosive when she saw all the mums (it's really popular with new mums!).She is now 15 and getting a bit better, but we did loads of stuff with her and it didn't really shift this one. Like you suggested, she was angry that these babies were being looked after when she wasn't.A book we found useful was 'The World is Full of Babies', which you should be able to get hold of quite easily (it won a Smarties award and I found it in Smiths). It did help us to talk to her about babies. But it has been slow progress I'm afraid.
Edited 17/02/2021
Teletubbies August 30, 2013 22:40
My AD has to leave anywhere if a baby starts crying - I believe she was shut in a room with a sibling 1 year younger & as a toddler had to try to look after & comfort this sibling. Baby crying is a huge trigger for her & she won't go back to restaurants if they had a crying baby last time.Recently we made a little bit of progress in that when in a cafe awaiting our food order I spotted a baby getting restless & offered to order take away instead - AD wasn't sure , baby started crying & I started a running commentary on how baby was telling mum he wanted some food & that mum was just sorting the babies bottle. I then said I'd walk over & check for AD then came back & reassured her that baby was now smiling, had a bottle & some toys & was enjoying a nice cuddle with his mum. AD did seem reassured by this & ate her own food. We've been back since & all was well.I think getting a bit of an idea from history etc then tackling it from that angle helps. Teletubbies
Edited 17/02/2021
ADOPTER August 30, 2013 23:24
My experience is the same as wibbley.I have an asd son and he didn't like the unpredictability of babies. However he has got much better as he has got older.
Edited 17/02/2021
Starlight August 31, 2013 21:34
My ds went through this too. He was probably worse between the ages of about 3 and 6 years, then it got lots better. I think it was a range of thing like the babies being unpredictable, bringing back memories of FC and just generally not being in a good place emotionally. He also used to say some unkind things about the babies, which were quite embarrassing However, as I said, he did come through it and actually turned out to really love babies and often takes a really keen interest in friends babies. We also had our own new LO placed (baby) and this has gone really well. If you are thinking about adopting again I would urge you to think really carefully about the age and gender of any new addition. We stuck to our guns in wanting a baby as we knew this would reduce the 'threat' to our elder 2. This has worked well for us as they had a good few months to get used to her/fall in love with her before she has started to get around and getting into mischief! However some children may find it hard to watch their parents cuddling, feeding, changing a baby, and would cope better with a sibling who is slightly more independent.
Edited 17/02/2021

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