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Hi Crimson, yes this is quite common, especially for singlies. Was knocked back three times before finding a LA interested in recruiting me – took about a year. Their 'excuses' can be genuine (eg they could think that you don't have enough childcare experience to deal with the challenges of adopted kids) or they could just 'make things up' (eg not enough friends) because they already have their quota of 'easy recruits'– one of the LAs I had approached only wanted couples and thus made as many invalid excuses as they could think of (which the new LA didn't see as problems at all).So don't take it too personal, you know better whether or not you could be a parent. Just take on board what they're saying, offer a work/life balance that is more flexible and meets your child's needs better. I ended up drawing a map of my network support, listing who lived where and could help with various scenarios. The thing of establishing interests could show your commitment and ability to extend your network – I joined a local after-school club and parents network, it's not that I 'trust' them to care for my child, but shows that I can create new friendships, or seek further support and advice, etc.Keep going

Brilliant, thanks AquarelleDoes this mean that you did not go with your LA but one away from where you live?I can change my hours with some certainty, it is just the 'interests' I have difficulty with. I am not someone who knits, does pottery or book clubsHow did you get in contact with the after school club and parent network? After school clubs may be difficult as I work full time. As I don't (yet) have children, I am not in the 'know' regarding children's clubs etc

oops that should have been not!

Shop around for an agency you feel you can work with, and who value you for what you are bringing to the table.As for interests, take with a pinch of salt - I have not got on my bike since my child was placed nearly 4 years ago, for example! What did help was being part of my local church - they have been a support, we feel accepted there and DS loves the kids of his age at Sunday school. And if they have a feel for what kind of person you are - sporty, musical , creative - they will begin to be able to develop a picture in their heads of the kind of child you might be matched with.Good luck!

I have to be brutally honest, the support network for a single is crucial. I am five weeks in and have never relied on other people so much in my adult life - not just for childcare, but to help with cooking, ironing, shopping, school runs, and sometimes just someone with enough energy to play with her when I am done in. I have been ill this week and its been hell, I have masses of childcare experience but this is like nothing else.Don't get me wrong, it's amazing and I wouldn't change it, but I would say adding to your support network would be a positive step. Especially people with children!Don't give up :-)

Great advice and thanks Bovary and Kstar.I'll just have to start getting creative - mentally and physically.I am not really good with 'no' - maybe I can use this as part of my evidence of resilience!

I would suggest another agency as well, perhaps this agency have few children to be placed and/or have plenty approved adopters waiting for children. I also agree that a support network is vital. My son couldn't manage clubs, three years in he still can't, so meeting friends through his friends hasn't happened. Luckily my family all have kids and live close by. Could you draw up informal suggestions of how life as a single parent could be, i.e. identify how you would fit work around your childs needs and life, would you have enough cash to reduce your hours? What clubs/activities are in your neighbourhood? As part of my assessment I completed an eco map, I could show the I was knew my neighbourhood and had considered how I would utilise resources to support a child. My eco map even identified a friend who I met once a month for breakfast, I had anticipated that I would do this with a child, as it happened I never did as said friend wasn't able to change the focus of the meeting and make it more child focused. Having evidence like that up your sleeve will help you when you meet with other LA's or agencies. Good luck.

I really think you should just move on to someone who does appreciate you. Sounds to me that they have filled there quota.I had lots of questions about my support network, and I did draw them nice diagrams of my inner and outer circles :-) There could be a difference in attitude though depending on the age you go for. My AD is 6.My parents also live a 20 minute drive away, I never speak to my neighbours and although I have one 'inner circle' friend 20 minutes away, the rest of my 'inner circle' live about an hour away.It is hard but totally doable. I don't do hobbies - especially not now :-) You need to be convincing and believe you can cope. I have discovered that my kid is an expert in finding a chink in my armour.As for work, I had 3 months off and I have just gone back on a flexible 28 hour week for now. Everything is phased, I had it all mapped out with costs to tell them.I will say that even when I was accepted I was always the last one to be assigned as the single gay! However, I caught up with a few people towards the end :-)I don't know where you live but if I can give you any advice or help in anyway let me know. Life these days is unrecognisable and completely mental but it is worth it!

Yes I went with another LA – mine actually doesn't even take local people! If I was to start again, I wouldn't just wait for their info evening and initial visit/assessment, but phone them to find out if they're interested in recruiting single adopters (possibly expand on my particulars). Could save weeks/months of preparing to apply with a LA/Va who, in the end, might turn me down. But then again, preparation is also part of a successful adoption, so 'saving' time isn't always what it sounds like...You should be able to explain clearly how you'll change your working hours. Adopters are rightfully expected to make plenty of time for their child – and, usually, to take a six-month leave to facilitate the bonding/attachment process after placement.I don't think that interests are a major issue... As long as you show that you can support your child's interests, even if it isn't your favourites! Found out about the after-school club via do-it.org.uk and the parent network through a local community forum/website. You can also approach schools or centres directly and ask if you could get involved, some clubs are on at weekends too. I also did a one-week residential with juniors, which was absolutely brilliant, you find these opportunities by searching online (eg search for 'children camp volunteer uk'). Did a few others too... Like I said, I struggled finding a LA, meanwhile kept working with kids!

Would you say voluntary work with children is a must?

Not necessarily voluntary but definitely most SWs seem to insist on childcare experience relevant to the age group you have chosen. My SW even observed me with a child and that came up as a positive at panel.If for example you have nieces and nephews or friends with childeen, you can do things like babysitting, sleepovers at your house, trips out with them... All this looks.good in your PAR.

Ok thank you, I have Nieces and nephews, who are 11,8.5.2 and baby. I have the oldest two for weekends and over night. I often look after the young ones too. So all this helps then.I also help my friends out with their children if and when they need me.

Absolutely!! If I was you I would keep a few notes, you will really impress a social worker then. I said things like my four yo niece struggled a bit with my stairs being so steep, so I think I need proper handrails... She lapped it up lol.

I have notes on reduced hours and how much spare money I will have. I also have notes on what is in the town i live in the way of clubs/resources.I see my nieces and nephews every other weekend and spend the whole day with them as well as my family, I defo can show a family network as we are close and the kids are raised together.Any other suggestions that you can think of?

Thanks piglethh, your kind words are inspiring, especially as you were given assignments last because you were single and gay! ,Did you go with a LA or VA? How long did it all take? My SW said that the process is changing from 1 July but not sure if this is a good or bad thing. I don't think my SWs knew either.Ideally I would like a child between 3 to 6, but am flexible. At the end of the day, I would be happy with any child that I could be matched with! I'll start drawing support diagrams and investigating 'local' groups where I can enhance my children experience, although many of my friends have children of varying ages and I am actively involved in regularly meeting up with them and babysitting, so I have some ideas about parenthood .I told the SWs that I would take a year off as adoption leave and have been saving to ensure that I could provide a financially secure life for my adopted child. I also think my employer would be fairly flexible as there are other staff who work flexible hours, so hopefully this will not be a problem.

Clairey the only thing I could think of would be to be ready to discuss why you are planning to stay single and not have birth children. The social workers tend to probe into those issues a lot.

Kstar - yes I have thought about that question i was married 6 years ago and had all the tests as wasnt able to fall pregnant - they were all positive but still no baby, I was offered IVF 6 years ago but turned it down. And 6 years on I now cannot have children due to the medication I am on from a kidney transplant 14 years ago, medical evidence is against me having a baby or any carrying my eggs. My only concern is that they turn me down on past medical history but I am very well now and have shown for 14 years that i have looked after myself. And if i were to become ill my parents would take care of me. You see my kidney will fail one day but that could be 8 year or 18 plus years off, there is no telling but it is monitored by blood tests every 3 months. To be fair I have more of an insight into my health than any normal person.

Crimson I hope you realise from reading this that your LA's decision was probably down to them already filling their quota or feeling that they havefamilies that are easier to place kids with.My LA told me it costs £30k to put someone through the course from the prep course through to placement. They also said their quota was to get 23 families this year and they already had 19 back in April. My sw made a negative comment about my support network in my initial report so I sent a full list back to them.I have heard others say that LAs use excuses like this when they have hit their quota. As the others say try, try, try again (that's what I'm going to do if I'm bumped after the prep course!)

So if the VA or LA declines you, you can keep re- applying to them?