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We are presently seeking to perform the same balance of keeping ds2 stable and coping in school in the run up to Scottish equivelant of gcse's known as NAT 5's He said he was getting mixed messages, from those telling him he needed to work hard to get the best results, and those telling him not to worry, it wasn't as important as all that. As long as he did his best, nobody could ask more. We have left the work hard message to the school as getting that from us was too much to handle. We just stress that we won't be angry whatever the results, just to do what he was able to. So far he is just about coping. I have promised him I will advocate for a release from French next year ! It is difficult, we want them to do well because it does affect their options, and failure confirms their lack of self belief. I found it also helped to remind him that their are plenty chances at further education college to catch up on any needed grades relevant to a course. He said he mentioned FE college at school and some kids hadn't even thought of this, and felt hugely relieved. For them it had been presented as uni or failure. The school nurse says she spends half her time councilling anorexic girls and no wonder. Hope you can keep the juggling act up, as we do, best wishes pingu

We are at the beginning of GCSEs. Simba is below average academically but theoretically he is capable of getting some passes. I was clear with school that he would not be doing 8 GCSEs. He is doing 5 and 2 BTECs. I am clear that he will not be sitting English Lit. The approach I have taken with Simba is to look at what he actually needs to get to the next stage of education, for him college and then an apprenticeship. He only needs 2 GCSE passes, 4 would be nice, but 2 gives him a lot of options at college. I'm encouraging him to do the best he can but also letting him know that he doesnt need them all. Is there a plan for what's next? If there is I'd focus on what she actually needs, and minimal effort on anything else. Personally I'd go as far as letting her know he doesnt need to work for all of them, even if school enter Simba for English lit, I won't send him in for the exam. I feel like I'm sitting the wretched things myself

Suggest she looks at FE options with you, as level 1 courses require very little in the way of qualifications and they can then proceed to level 2 (if they pass level 1) without further GCSEs. They also have to retake English language and maths if they don't have good passes until they are 18. Helps to realise GCSEs aren't the be all and end all. My eldest was theoretically capable of passing a number of GCSEs but couldn't cope with the pressure of exams, on top of all her other issues. She got some OKish grades but basically we were proud she had even sat the exams. Things have settled down a lot with her since she started at FE college - and it is much more supportive and less pressurised than school. Worry re youngest though - no issues other than difficulties handling pressure. She's only in year 9 so we have a few years. Has just started with a lovely CAMHS therapist so we're hoping for progress in overcoming her anxieties about not being good enough. Is there any chance of counselling through school? Or a mentor? Dropping further subjects is a good idea, though schools don't like this to go below 8 - dd1 did 8 plus a BTEC but it would have helped to have dropped another 2 or 3 as she got very poor grades for some. Definitely think the system is NOT suited to all!!

Ds2 was getting very discouraged , feeling he was doomed to be homeless! It was affecting his attitude to working towards the exams. I discovered that the job centres have careers advice people, and it prompted me to set up an appointment for ds2. He was really helped by this as he realised there were different options depending on how well he does, but that if he did badly it was still possible to get on various courses that might interest him and lead to work he might enjoy. We also suggested visiting the FE college open days to see what options were out there. He knows the options now, but will go next year to familiarise himself with the place ( he struggles with new people and places and nearly didn't go to the careers interview but that's another story... 8 subjects taken at ds2's school , one more than ds1's school , but definately think we are better off here, with the option for NAT 4 which is like one year of GCSE work, and is internally marked, for those who are likely to fail a NAT 5. Ds2 is doing NAT4 Maths, French will depend on Prelim( Mock) result. He can do NAT5 maths next year. Pity the English system is all or nothing. Scottish government brought this in to avoid the problem of folks leaving at 16 with nothing. But as folks say, they can always catch up at FE college. I did an access course at our local FE college and I can vouch for how supportive they are of each student. I can't say ds2 is not supported at school, he is greatly, but for those in big schools it must be difficult for staff to keep a track on them all. Especially if under resourced.

Hello, the GCSEs that my son needed were c’s or d’s in maths English and science. So we focussed on that. The princes trust offer a different perspective on jobs and ways forward. Duke of Edinburgh awards. The local military college. They all offer something different about ways forward.

We do things slightly differently here in Wales. GCSEs are more spread out - my y10 son did his first gcse last week. Others do their first - maths usually - in January in y10. It is stressful but it does spread the pain and it means that, hopefully, if they pass then they don’t have to do them all at once. If they don’t pass in y10 then they get more chances to resit. My 17 year old is through GCSEs and they were a nightmare. It didn’t help that I didn’t think his school were particularly helpful or supportive. The school my other two attend does more - way more - revision in school which does mean that it takes the pressure off a little at home. Ime it also helps to figure out what revision method works. So, for instance, for English Lit, we’ve focused on watching the film and downloading the book rather than expecting them to read. With science subjects my son has recorded sample questions and answers onto his phone and plays them back. Over and over. Works for him. But it’s hard. We’ve done one set with one but have another two to get through it. My eldest is aiming for Uni this year and my middly also aiming for Uni and has chosen his gcse subjects with his end aim in sight. And who knows what my 13 year old will do! 15/16 is young. They have their entire lives ahead of them. I’ve told my kids that it doesn’t matter if they don’t get what they need right now ... they have plenty of time. Whether they achieve their GCSEs at 15, 18 or older ... does it matter? Some kids mature later than others - my 17 year old only really started working in y12. He got his GCSEs by the skin of his teeth but now, finally, he’s working hard. Now he’s ready!

You only need lots of brilliant grades if you are going to university. Otherwise, find out what your daughter would like to door at least the level she is capable of and see what that means in practice. My daughter only ever wanted to work in a nursery with children. You need level 2 English and maths for that. Luckily she went to a small specialist school which didn't much bother pushing for gcses. The emphasis was on what the next step was. Everyone went to college and took it from there. Everyone can go to college, even with special needs. If you do well, you can progress to the next level and even use this route to go to uni. But realistically, it's best to pass English and maths. It can be hard to progress without them.

Oh no - just typed a long post and lost it! Now have daughters in years 12, 10 and 9, so feel your pain! Four bits of advice (some of which repeats what others have said: 1) Have a clear plan for what your daughter is going to do next and what grades she needs, and then a back up plan. For example, my daughter needed 5 GCSEs at grade 4+ to go on to a level 3 BTEC, which was her first choice. But she knew if she missed out on the grades she could do the level 2 course for a year and then move on to the level 3 BTEC. Knowing this really reduced the stress. 2) Have some clear routines at home for when is study time and when is time for relaxing/ doing other things. For us the issue was carving out time to study, but you may want to say things like no studying after 8pm, no studying on a Sunday afternoon/ evening or whatever. Routine is good! 3) Keep on telling her proud of her you are and that you love her regardless of exam results. As you say, the school system really ties children's self esteem up with exam success, which is really damaging, so do your best to counter this. 4) Remember that this is the worst year! After GCSE young people are able to go into a range of routes which, certainly for those who struggle academically, are much better suited to their needs and interests. My eldest is loving studying her BTEC at college, and is working harder than I've ever known, because it is what she wants to do. In five months this hell will be over! Best wishes LB

I would agree with previous posters.Look at what she needs to get on a college course suitable for her interests . Our dd did very poorly in GCSEs despite being predicted to do well; due to severe anxiety. I worried so much when we struggled to get her to school , when she missed mocks and even a few GCSEs. 18 months on she is in her 2nd year at college and doing well. We saw a psychiatrist and she was diagnosed as having severe anxiety disorder and ADHD. College were and still are so supportive of her; provided good pastoral care, ensured she had extra time, movement breaks and a prompt due to her ADHD and she passed both her English and maths and did well in her level 2 course. She is now doing a level 3 course. They don't need many GCSEs to get on a level 1 or 2 course and can proceed to level 3 once they have passed level 2 if they wish. Most of the level 1 and 2 courses do not have exams which really helped our dd; as she did well in her course work and practical assessments. DD gets so much more support at college than she ever did at school, loves college and has gained a lot of confidence. If I had realised then what I now know I would not have worried so much. I really think too much emphasis is put on GCSEs and children face too much pressure; The homework and interventions are relentless, and many children cannot cope with it. As Little bear says in 5 months it will all be over. Look at what courses are available and what is needed ; that will help her realise it is not the end of the world if she doesn't do as well as she hoped. Colleges often offer taster days too which might help.

We have one taking GCSEs this year and over-compliance and being 'good' at school has always been an issue teachers have never grasped but masks her deep seated issues while at school. She has always got good results so far in a school that is an exam factory, although individually almost all staff are lovely and equally worn down by the relentless system. We took her out of all out of hours intervention and she does a little revision each school night although it is not effective as she will not risk making mistakes. School understand our approach and put no pressure on us or her. We have said from the outset getting her through school in one piece emotionally is more important than results. This school also goes for holiday revision sessions but we have said to the school she will not being attending but going on an holiday to burn off energy and have some 1:1 time with us. school are supportive and understand our thinking. In all our decisions regarding school/home interface we have taken the approach of understanding the pressure staff are under but we know our children better. We are realistic in our expectations and know that most of her learning is shallow and if she under-performs there s always another opportunity when she is older. coming from a BF where school was an optional extra we have already achieved one of our aspirations by having her attending regularly - any GCSEs will be a bonus! We just need to hold on for the next 5 months - good luck to all of those supporting and teaching in year 11.

Really good advice - just wanted to add they don’t acrually need any GCSEs for college - they can even go straight into a level 2 course if appropriate and will continue to do English and maths at the right level alongside whatever else they are doing until they get the equivalent of GCSEs in those subjects. They can do assessments at college to check the right level rather than relying on exam results. They can progress through the levels to university if they want to or can do vocational qualifications or apprenticeships. Of course you don’t want them to feel they have failed so how you present it is important. People develop at different rates and it’s not a race it’s a journey - a very exciting one - to discover all the possibilities open to them and which route they are going to take at each point. Mental health is far more important than school results at the end of the day

Just wanted to agree with Safia's points. DD was chronologically a year behind at school and really struggling to the extent that she was school refusing. She would have been taking her GCSEs this year. In fact she did achieve a level 3 in English literature despite really finding it hard work. She was due to return to school in September but we had a meeting with the head of the LA SEND team and she did a bit of string pulling. DD and DH met with the team who run the course she's doing and she started the following week on a level 1 course. She's doing functional skills Maths and English which is less stressful for her. She has support during lessons and at lunchtime. She's currently off unwell at present but the head of the faculty is keeping in touch with us. It is so much better than school. They even have a sensory room she can access. Definitely can't fault their pastoral care.

Hi, Thank you all for your support and advice. We will now look at FE colleges and BTechs to see our options here. Until very recently I was very concerned about every days absence, but now realise that A's health is more important. I just think that school are so tied up with results that everything else is secondary. Hopefully we should get some therapy soon.