Our two ADs, now 11 and 8, will have been with us 6 years in Sept. My relationship with my eldest is still so difficult. We've had four years of therapy through ASF, which has improved things, and got more lined up for in the autumn, but I'm just feeling so emotionally drained. I genuinely wonder if she even likes me, at all. I think I might just be someone she happens to live with. Whenever times are tough she goes back to just treating me like dirt, which is super hard to take after we've made some progress in therapy. There have been times when things have been better, but her go-to response is to try to have nothing to do with me at best. I'm just so tired of it.
Still so hard
tiredout
July 11, 2022 20:49
AlisonAUK
July 12, 2022 16:32
Hi tiredout,
We hear you and we're here for you. Parenting children with trauma in their backgrounds can be grindingly tough and the situation you describe will be familiar to lots of other adopters. It's something we hear about all the time.
I'm wondering where you're getting your support from? Lots of adopters have found it enormously helpful to speak to a child psychologist by themselves, without their children present. I wonder whether this is an option for you? I know of adopters who have had success getting ASF funding for this.
Do also make the most of peer support if you can find it. Our community groups are a good place to meet up with people facing similar challenges: https://www.adoptionuk.org/members-community-groups
Really glad you reached out and wishing you a better week.
Saffron
December 19, 2022 12:59
Hi
The trouble is if your child has attachment issues it will seem as if s/he does not care about you, which hurts. Theraplay is great for trying to build attachment, mostly lots of touching games and passing ball etc - building a physical connection and repeatedly doing these fun activities (hoping they'll take part of course! Beacon House has SO many good resources - look at their website (you'll need to scroll down the page) and so much info on why kids who have been traumatised react like this. https://beaconhouse.org.uk/resources/
Read-Only
This topic is read-only. You must log in to reply.
