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Fearing for our future

Mudlark August 18, 2021 00:25

We adopted our DD and DS 8 years ago - They are now 12 and 11 This post is about DD.

DD has a disorganised attachment, she has had 5 years of therapy which seemed to do a lot of good and although bumpy we did, with the support of therapists and school , manage to make our family work and DD was although challenging doing ok.

She started secondary school is September, mainstream school as she is very bright and enjoys learning. However the last 11 months have seen our family go through hell. The small things of vaping and fighting were a shock but they have paled into insignificance.

She stole a phone, old phone no sim, she used the wifi to secretly access various games. I discovered it hidden in her room, As I flicked through the messages I became horrified to see that she was/had been groomed by various men, one in particular, to send images and videos of herself, very explicit , the accompanying 'chat' was pornographic in nature.

To cut a long story short we contacted the police who took the phone and are investigating, they talked to her and she said nothing. I also found out she had traced and contacted her birth father. ( A side issue but also has big consequences) So we then had CAHMS referral, a new PASW ( social worker) All tech. is locked and passworded. Phones locked away.

Fast forward six weeks to now. We thought DD had at least understood the risk she was in, and understood all the police said and I had worked hard to help her through it all. BUT no! Last night, six weeks later we find out that she had all along, been using her brothers xbox at 2 in the morning to chat via an Instagram account she set up to the very same Paedophile warning him about the police! Not only that she is agreeing to meet him!

Our daughter has always been complex, her early life was marked by 9 moves in foster care. She spends her life clinging to me or utterly rejecting me. She has already told me she has chatted to these men because a least they love her. She is 12 - I can just about use a tone of voice that stops her from pushing me out of the way and leaving - I can just about ban her from speaking to this man - but for how long. I have spent 8 years trying to 'save' this little girl from her trauma - I feel it is threatening to overwhelm us.

How do you deal with disorganised attachment - it is not recognised as a disability - her academic brightness masks her emotional chaos. How will I stop her from climbing out of a window to meet this man, or some other man. I feel a clock ticking and there is little time left.

Safia August 18, 2021 07:47

I really feel for you - it makes my stomach churn reading your post. My daughter went through something similar when she started college - she has learning difficulties. There is an organisation called Respond ( who supported her. They are primarily for people with learning difficulties or autism who have experienced trauma - particularly sexual trauma - those issues are right up their street. If you contact them and your daughter does not fit their remit they should be able to advise about organisations that do. If she does as she is under 18 the service is free and you do not have to go through finding the funding. Also they have (or had at least) a helpline that supported me over two years which was a godsend! Alternatively maybe one of the specialist adoption services could advise / help? Family Futures for example

onlineteamAUK August 18, 2021 10:08

Hi Mudlark,

Please contact our Helpline Team and they will be able to answer your questions in more detail and offer further advice.

You can call them on 0300 666 0006 available Mon - Fri: 10.00 – 14.30 (excluding Bank Holidays) or email them at [email protected]

Hope this helps.

Best wishes, Online Team AUK


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