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Advice - Post Approval, Family Finding & Match Process

SCHeart July 22, 2021 14:06

Hi All,

My partner and I had a lengthy approval process. The standard time for Stage 1 and Stage 2 combined is roughly 6 months. Ours took 12 months due to COVID-19 causing delays, restrictions and problems. Fortunately we were approved last month. However we wondered what the "normal" process should be when showing interest in children and trying to pursue a potential match. We have shown interest in several children, we are looking for a sibling group. Some links were declined very quickly within minutes which can be disheartening. However one profile we went back and forth with the family finder and our social worker for a month. We had read the Carer's Reports (from Foster Carer's) and also both children's CPR's (Child's Permanence Report)

The CPR's alone are very detailed and in depth and totalled 150 pages. Then reading Carer's Reports also. Naturally we thought this was a very positive thing, to be getting so much information so quickly, as did our social worker. We had already sent over our PAR to the family finder. We then spent days reading everything in depth before going back and stating that we were definitely interested in proceeding. The family finder then stated that they felt we had a lot to offer for the children and all seemed very positive. The family finder stated that the children's social worker still needed to read our PAR. After a week and a half of the family finder and children's social worker annual leave and waiting for the children's social worker reading our PAR we got a response stating that they would not be proceeding. We were so excited leading up to this point, we honestly thought this would be a match. We genuinely felt through reading everything and the positive responses from the family finder that this was it.... Possibly a bit naïve.

I am just a bit confused and find that it can be a bit cruel to prospective adopters. I understand that it needs to be the best match for the child. However the children do not read our PAR, the social workers do, therefore there isn't the possibility of the children becoming upset by potential matches. We however read their Carer's Reports and CPR's, so we are the one's who build up a connection and become excited or attached. I think to read so much information on children, which also includes a lot of very personal and confidential information that surely it should be at a later stage of matching, or to at least given an impression you are shortlisted or the pursued match at that time. But to go through all of that, and then have the rug swept from underneath you is difficult and disheartening.

However we have recently shown interest in another sibling group and at present we have forwarded on our PAR and are waiting to hear back, I'm assuming to be shortlisted, before getting any further information (CPR's and Carer's Reports). Surely this is how it should be all of the time. I would expect that Social Worker's would feel that you should be a good match for the children before providing such information. It's just unfair on prospective adopters in my opinion. The process is stressful and emotionally draining enough as it is.

I was just wondering if anyone else had experienced similar situations.

Thank you in advance for your input.

Honeybee July 23, 2021 06:57

We’re on a similar boat to SCHeart. Our approval process took 13 months from prep groups to panel due to covid and a lack of LA staffing issues. You’re a few steps on in actually getting a reply from showing interest. The process is so very difficult and I do feel that adopters are not treated well enough during this delicate and emotionally charged time. The initial matches appear to rest entirely with the child’s SW as an independent gatekeeper which I do wonder about being appropriate. Does matching shortlisting go through a SW team group of does the child’s SW have complete power to continue with an enquiry or discard? I’m really not sure. We’re also finding that despite being told that age is no barrier, we are being excluded based on our age. We’re in our 40s and are approved for 0-4! And we’re not alone. I’m hearing this a lot. Local Authorities are just not on the same page with criteria and approval during matching and it’s beginning to make us feel that it’s just not going to happen.

Edited 23/07/2021
SCHeart July 23, 2021 11:18

Hey Honeybee, thank you very much for your reply. I am very sorry to hear that you are also really struggling with the process. I completely agree, it definitely feels like that Child's SW holds all of the cards. It's also very strange when the Child's Family Finder shows interest in you and says you'd be a good match and then the Child's SW declines. Surely the Family Finder would be informed of what the Child's needs are, that's the whole point of them going out to recruit Prospective Adopters. I have to say that it is very unfair that you appear to be discriminated against by your age. If you were having a birth child, nobody decides the right age to stop having children, adoption should be no different. You are supplying a loving and supportive home for a child, that doesn't stop at 40. My partner and I are both 31 so we're not experiencing the age difficulty, but it really is something that shouldn't be happening. Unfortunately when the Child's SW uploads profiles to Linkmaker they leave it fairly open on who can show interest, when in retrospect they already have an idea of what they want, e.g. gender, age, ethnicity etc. So why not just specify this and save people time. I do think a little more sensitivity and understanding for Adopters should be put in place as the process can be a bit heartless. I understand that the children come first, but we all know and understand that otherwise we wouldn't be looking to adopt. I do hope you have some positive news soon and that the process gets easier for you.

J&D July 23, 2021 11:27

Hi both,

It's really interesting to see that people are facing similar experiences. We've found that there is so much variability in the system and from local authority to local authority. There have been a few potential links through Link Maker where all the noises from family finding and child's social worker have been positive, to then have a brief decline with little to no information about why they are not progressing further.

We were lucky that the approval process took just over 6 months and we are currently working towards matching panel for a sibling group. This has come through an enquiry outside of Link Maker and the experience has been so much more positive.

I did write to the government with our experiences and the apparent variability between LAs and how Link Maker is used. The response didn't really deal with the issues I raised, including the emotional impact on adopters. Unfortunately, I don't feel there's much appetite to review how things work!

Wishing you both the best of luck in family finding.

Honeybee July 23, 2021 11:41

Yes, I would agree SCHeart. It’s a serious rollercoaster between no replies, profiles appearing and disappearing and zero communication. Not the best system but it appears there is no national consistency which is why it seems to be all over the place. Of course it should be child-focussed but adopters are humans on the other side of the process and I just don’t think that’s always kept in mind tbh. Fingers crossed you guys get matched soon. Keep at it. 😁

Honeybee July 23, 2021 11:49

That’s very interesting J&D. And well done on writing to the government. After all, the whole system and process is mostly handled by council run services so you would hope that national governance would be able to set some minimum and consistent standards on how the process is being managed at SW level. I realise it’s not an exact science but this business of LAs having free reign to exclude based on age is a nonsense when another LA has given approval. I now realise why many people are put off adoption - it’s nothing to do with the fantastic little ones and everything to do with a system that isn’t always very effective or consistent.

SCHeart July 23, 2021 14:23

Hey J&D,

Thank you for your reply. It is good to know that we're not the only ones going through this, but also quite sad at the same time that so many prospective adopters are finding the process so challenging. Congratulations on matching with your little one's, fingers crossed for you that all goes well at Matching Panel.

I have to say the sibling group we are having conversations about recently is outside Linkmaker and it does appear a little bit more positive and personal. Granted it may still come to nothing, but it just feels a little bit more sensitive and kind towards adopters. Linkmaker can be a little cold and difficult to navigate.

I think unfortunately the government aren't particularly interested in making the process any easier for prospective adopters. I of course do feel that the child should 100% come first, but some empathy for adopters is needed.

Thank you for your kinds, wishing you all the best with your family.

SCHeart July 23, 2021 14:26

Completely agree with you Honeybee. Hopefully at some point there will be some changes to make things a bit easier. I have to say I am a little disappointed with Linkmaker, it's not exactly what I was expecting. But we will continue to work with it and of course pursue other avenues too. Fingers crossed you find a match soon also. I have no doubt you will have positive news soon.

taperedmaturity July 26, 2021 08:47

Hi SCHeart

Husband and I had a rough approval - 18months. We went through VA. We had a break after approval as I was made permanent where I work so I wanted to wait until I was eligible for Adoption Pay. We soon then began the finding process. We were often discounted at various stages either straight away as they already had a link but failed to update LM. Or they barely read out PAR and had no interest. Last year we almost got to matching panel but the social worker pulled out - we were heartbroken. We got back up and learnt not to get our hopes up too soon. We are now on the way to matching panel for a little one and the social worker approached us and we get on really well. We started the adoption process in April 2018 so it has been a very long journey. Fingers crossed you find the match. You will know when it is right.

SCHeart July 26, 2021 09:20

Hey taperedmaturity,

I am very sorry you have had a long and arduous adoption journey. How very sad to have got so far in the matching stage for the social worker to pull it. It really can be a devastating process. I am very happy to hear you are heading to matching panel now however, congratulations, fantastic news. Fingers crossed all goes well for you at panel and that you can finally enjoy the end result of becoming parents.

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