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very difficult situation

terraced house December 28, 2022 00:08

just found out that someone that our child knows is closely related to him. I asked the child's mum a couple of questions as I suspected it and it seems the child has looked at his mum's phone and read our chat. The child has since been spreading this round social media and being threatening to my child. They live half a mile away. I tried to call the mum and she's not answered my text message. I wanted to meet up and talk about it but her child has now made everything difficult. It's going to be a shock for them to find out they are related, unless they already worked it out

How would you handle this ?

chestnuttree December 28, 2022 23:23

I would ask myself these questions: Does this family pose a safety risk to your family, either directly or indirectly through contact with people who are safety risk? How old are the children involved? Are they the same age? Are they in the same school, so could school help to manage this situation, particularly the threatening behaviours? How much does your child know about their birth family? Would they seek out their birth parents without you? How are they currently responding? Do they need therapeutic support? Are you in contact with the birth parents and what is their situation? How far away do they live?

I would immediately talk to my child, so they hear it from you and you can control the message (to a certain extend). I would make it clear that you have found out only recently, so they don't think you have hidden this from them for some time. I would tell my child how I am planning to manage this and get their views on my plan (age-appropriately). I would do a lot of one-to-one time with my child, try to give them a sense of safety as much as possible and watch their reactions closely. If this family is in touch with the birth parents, then they are in a difficult situation too. I would get in touch with post-adoption support. They need to help you navigate this situation. I would also consider involving the police, in order to protect your child and to try to stop this child from threating yours and to try to stop the other child from spreading information. Depending on the overall severity of the situation, I would consider moving.

The other child needs support too; they sound overwhelmed and scared. Maybe school or PAS can help with that?

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