*Potential trigger warnings*
I'll be honest. I am definitely affected by the feeling of wanting to "save" a child through adoption, as I myself wasn't parented right, and there is a lot of pain and trauma in that that I am trying to heal from today. While I am aware of this feeling of wanting to "save", I am also aware and sensitive to the fact that this is something I need to work through, as it would likely be problematic to project this onto my future children. I recognise that there could be both the feeling of "living vicariously through" my children, and also a sense of gaining validation or approval from the world, or from my own inner wounds, as a result of doing right by them. While it's important to do right by them, it should not feel like an antidote to my own wounds. I am aware that this suggests that I need to heal from my past before going ahead with adoption.
Besides that, I think a major part of why I want to adopt is because my primary experience of learning how to love and trust, and feeling that in return, was learned. It was a conscious decision and desire to develop such a relationship with someone else. It feels more natural to me than the alternative, i.e. that being born into a family makes you a family. I think, myself and my partner, would be very adept at understanding a child in a position where they are having to learn to trust and love, because that's what we had to do too!
Other factors: I think I have always thought that if there are children in the world that need homes, why should I give birth to more children? Here the environmental factor comes into play with future prospects looking bleak for the climate, as we currently stand. It makes me feel even more like adopting rather than giving birth. I also remember resonating with the idea that giving birth is imposing life on someone else against their will. In truth, that still makes me uncomfortable.
There is also giving birth itself. When I was younger I mostly imagined that I would give birth to my children, but with time I became more uncomfortable with the actual concept of becoming pregnant and giving birth. Me and my partner love to experience everything together, and we base our relationship on equality. Becoming pregnant and giving birth would be an experience that only I would feel, and that doesn't fit our relationship dynamic. I also remember feeling/ still feel uncomfortable with the idea of a living organism growing inside of me. This is something I should most likely reflect on and question though. I imagine it has to do with a lack of physical intimacy with my own parents in childhood. Further, listening to people talk about their experience of pregnancy scares me, and I've always had this spiritual feeling of... I am of a 'weak constitution', so perhaps it would be dangerous for me. When you give birth, you are accepting that there may be complications, and those complications could end your life (sorry to be so dark about this!). In short, adoption feels like the most natural decision for someone like me :-) Either that or not have children at all, which doesn't resonate with me.
Thanks for reading!