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What to do while on hold?

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Mrs_Bakes July 24, 2020 15:41

Hi all,

I posted on the connecting with others thread but no one has responded to me.

Hubby and I are on stage one. We completed our preparation training in June. It was intense but we enjoyed it and it was nice to be able to discuss things together.

However a couple of weeks later (nearly 2 months ago) we were then told we were being put on hold. This is so frustrating! The reason is that we don't have enough experience - I work at a Pre-School but haven't been able to work since lockdown started and don't go back until September. This will mean that I have missed 6 months. I only started working there last September, but have also been doing my level 2 qualification so i have still been learning. My husband doesn't have any experience, he obviously would have done voluntary work if it wasn't for lockdown, he is vulnerable to the virus so hasn't been able to do anything yet. This feels very unfair as its not our fault.

We have worked hard to get everyone done from our point of view. The only thing outstanding is our medicals which our dr's surgery cannot do at the moment. We have now been advised by the social worker to wait until we restart as they are only valid for 2 years, which isn't a problem.

We are obviously reading what we can in the meantime and I have joined in with a couple of the webinars. Is there anything else anyone can suggest in the meantime that we can do while we on hold? We need to do as much as we can to show that we are committed and I wouldn't want our agency to think we aren't doing anything or aren't bothered.

Thanks Charlotte

CatLady1 July 25, 2020 09:29

Hi Mrs_Bakes, I’m afraid I don’t have any suggestions to make (I am an adoptive grandmother) but I saw that no one has responded yet to your posts so just wanted to say ‘hang on in’. It must be so frustrating, especially as you are restricted in what you can do at the mo.

Can you maybe keep note of all that you’ve read and the online forums you’ve visited? When my daughter was in stage 2, she did loads of research about the facilities available locally and further afield, that they could go to with LO, all the various kinds of opportunities. You are probably already doing things like that though! But I remember my daughter’s SW being pleased that they were thinking ahead.

I hope someone comes along soon who can offer more appropriate advice. Hope all goes well for you xx

Mrs_Bakes July 28, 2020 09:47

Hi CatLady1,

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I am keeping a log. What do you mean by LO?

Feeling really frustrated as had an email from social worker advising that we can't restart until feb/march. It feels like such a waste of a year and so much false hope 😞

CatLady1 July 28, 2020 10:59

Sorry, I used LO as short for Little One. I’m so sorry you’re application has been put back to next year. Very frustrating and it must seem such a long time!

Hopefully the time will whizz by and things will get moving again. Take care xx

Mrs_Bakes July 28, 2020 11:15

Ah of course, I should have been able to work that out 🙈

It seems like its never going to happen!

CatLady1 July 28, 2020 11:20

It will, it will, before you know it!

Safia July 28, 2020 16:14

Just to add to the above - in researching facilities locally it would be a good idea to find out about as broad a range as possible - including schools - so you are gathering information that you can adapt to the needs of the specific child / children you might have - so a good range of activities across age ranges and not being too set on particular schools but aware of possible things to look out for / possible positives and negatives. Also discussing what you have read together - there are so many useful books on such a wide range of topics as well as going through the archives here. Are you in touch with places you or your husband might be able to volunteer for so that you have something you could get started really easily when they do start? Schools are trying to go back in September and I guess a lot of children’s clubs might be thinking the same so if you can get in touch with the organiser to sound them out and maybe get the DBS check done in advance it might help

Oreo28 July 31, 2020 08:36

Hey Mrs_Bakes,

Really sorry to hear of your situation, with so much out of your control it must feel so frustrating. I know we’d had a few messages a few months ago so I’m sorry to hear how your progress has slowed.

weve had some bumps along the way, several social worker changes, and even all our paperwork not being saved by stage 1 social worker! It was frustrating so I can only imagine how gutted you must feel.

I echo what’s been said about researching what’s in your community, the facilities etc. It’ll show your preparedness and planning ahead.

Lockdown has effected so many things but hopefully with some of that easing there may be some more opportunities for you and your husband especially to do some volunteering; children’s clubs, scouts etc

and ofcourse to get your dbs application in, but you presumably have already.

Even local church groups run many children’s activities and clubs not necessarily attached to the church but open to the wider community. Just an idea for ways to be immersed within a community where you can volunteer with children.

I wonder as well if what the agency are saying, has left a bad taste in your mouth so to speak with things feeling unfair. Is it worth looking at other agencies as options? If they’re suggesting waiting till Feb/March would that mean you begin again with them, already feeling frustrated and run down before the process is even in full swing.Maybe a fresh start with someone new may make you feel better?But also maybe not! As you’ve started with them it may be that you feel you might as well continue with them. But worth using this time to explore your options and see what you feel most comfortable with alongside doing what you can to get experience and research.

Good luck to you both!

Nuttynat38 July 31, 2020 10:37

Must be so frustrating and disappointing to be put on hold. My husband and I are just starting the process and have only just sent our first lot of paperwork. We’re doing initial training at the end of august. I’ve started doing an online course about child attachment with New Skills Academy. It wasn’t too expensive, there’s no time limit, you can just log on when you want and you don’t have to submit essays or anything, just complete questions at the end of each unit. The social worker seemed pleased that I was doing it so might help your case. Also, they said that talking to other people who have adopted is a good idea. I agree with Oreo28 about trying to get involved with any groups if possible that work with children. It all helps. Good luck 😊

Mrs_Bakes July 31, 2020 12:45

Hi all,

Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate it.

Good to hear from you Oreo, i did post on the contact thread as well but it seems to have gone quiet on there now. I would message you privately but my account is still not verified! 😡 Sorry you have had some problems too.

I work at a Pre-School so i have no problem getting experience from September. I haven't been able to work since lockdown started due to having to work in bubbles and there being a limited number of children that went back before the summer hols. At the moment the guidelines for early years settings are that there can be no visitors to the setting or volunteers. Parents have to drop the children off at the gate (they are collected by a member of staff) so even they can't enter the setting. Hopefully the guidelines might change by September. But with the changes that have just been announced, I am not sure. As it currently stands it means Hubby cannot volunteer at the moment. It will be the same everywhere else.

I have researched summer camps/clubs but none are operating in the area. I contacted a local nursery but they aren't getting back to me. I imagine because of the guidelines.

I am in the process of completing my level 2 qualification - Children and Young People's Workforce Level 2, so I am almost a level 2 qualified early years practitioner. A lot of the topics are useful for the process as you can imagine. I will look into the child attachment with New Skills Academy as i'm sure it would also be of benefit to my work.

We have had a think about changing agencies but think we just need to wait it out. Don't want to start all over again, we have put a lot into the process already.

Again, thank you all very much for your input, i'm very grateful.


Angelface August 2, 2020 09:11

We are in matching now (finding our child) my husband did beavers for 8 months up to the lockdown for his childcare experience as he didnt have any i didnt have to do any childcare experience as such because i am a nursery nurse i dont know how much childcare experience you have previously starting new job, i have heard of people doing the basic childcare experience, but i feel we did the whole hog. We did together overnight stays as after all my childcare experience and husbands childcare experience we still didnt have enough so i threw everything at them hahaha i read all the books that i could read i did some of the podcasts but i was too busy reading any advice i am happy to help

Edited 02/08/20
Mrs_Bakes August 2, 2020 15:07

Hi Collette and Ian,

Thanks for your reply.

I only have 6 months experience, I started in September (it was quite a career change) and then because of lockdown I haven't worked since March. So I have worked there for 6 months and then been off 6 months. I think Barnardos think I might not stick at it or something because of not being there so long, also I work very part time so that probably doesn't help. But I have told them that I did a back to work day about 3 weeks ago and that I was like I had never been away. I had a great time. I have told them that I absolutely love my job, that it doesn't feel like a job and that I miss Pre-School and the children so much. I also am about to qualify as a level 2 early years practitioner, so its not like I haven't been doing anything during lockdown and surely it makes it obvious that i'm committed to the job?

I'm sure we will be able to sort something out for my Hubby, his Mum is one of the managers at the Pre-School I work at, so we know he can volunteer there. But 6 months is quite a long time to have regular time off work for. Its a good job he has an understanding employer.

We have been reading and i've taken part in a couple of webinars. We have a subscription with Adoption UK and we are also registered with First4Adoption. I am keeping a log of what we've been doing so they will be able to see that we have been doing what we can.

I honestly thought experience was something you gained alongside going through the process.

Thanks again for your thoughts.


Angelface August 2, 2020 15:48

We too are with Barnardos, We have had hell of a journey to get where we are now i think its out to test us how we react with things if you keep on there toes, and like your doing making a log of what your doing then they havent a case against you. My Hubby has hardly any childcare experience but he has done beavers for 8 months and obviously had to stop due to the lockdown measures and hasnt been back yet and then we had to do overnight stays with friends and family children i have 20plus years of childcare experience obviously working with them as a nursery nurse and i was fuming when we had to do overnight stays but we did them, to shut them up hahaha as i said i am here if you need to talk anytime through your journey.

Colette and Ian

Angelface August 2, 2020 16:01

start building a network of friends through barnardos they do network meeting every six weeks and then you meet other people that are going through the same or have gone through what you are going through now.

Mrs_Bakes August 2, 2020 20:00

Hi Colette and Ian,

Yes I was thinking that they are testing us. We are with Barnardos in Derby though not physically been there yet. We were due to go to an info evening at the start of lockdown. We were accepted on to the process on 1st May and we did our prep training at the beginning of June. They basically say we can't pass stage one until we have experience.

We don't have any children in our family's that we could spend time with and we don't have many friends.

How do we access these network meetings? They have never been mentioned...

Angelface August 2, 2020 21:42

Ask Barnardos or whoever you are in contact with in stage one and say is there any network meetings that we could go on as i hear that the south have network meetings every six weeks down there Friends children will do if you have friends with children that you are contact with my friend that i did the over night stay with was a friend that lives near stansted so we just did a couple of night stays with her whilst she went away for the weekend

Mrs_Bakes August 3, 2020 09:35

Hi Colette and Ian,

Thank you, I have just emailed the social worker we are in contact with. Not officially been assigned one yet as apparently they don't assign one until stage 2.

Were Barnardos slow to verify your account on here? I registered in May and still waiting. It means I can't send any private messages.

Angelface August 3, 2020 10:53

The stage 1 process for us were slow to get back to us i was verified nearly a year ago on stage two its taken a year to get past stage two due to the childcare experience and then the covid stopping our booked panel and then finally approved adopters in May

Colette and Ian

Mrs_Bakes August 3, 2020 11:30

Awesome that you have been approved. How is the matching going?

Angelface August 3, 2020 12:46

The matching is stressful more so than stage one and stage two our social worker only comes in now when there is a potential match as with Barnardos you have a family finder that does the work for her and she becomes like a solicitor for a bit if you know what i mean

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