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DigitalAUK July 23, 2020 14:55

Hello all,

Hope you are well. We are interested in talking to any BAME adopters out there and opening up the conversation about your adoption journeys. We'd like to know about your experiences about the process, whether you have had adequate support and what additional support you need – either from us/their agency/the government/the community? We are starting a number of community hubs for our members and adoptive families around the UK and part of this work is revising and upgrading our support materials and ways of working.

We would love to hear from you.

Best wishes,
Charlotte

Oreo28 July 31, 2020 06:12

Hi,

We are in stage 2 but would be interested in sharing our experiences so far, if helpful.

Just let us know how :)

nofearinlove August 7, 2020 21:16

Hi,

We just completed our stage 2 and adoption panel next week. We will love to share our experience as well and having a BAME adopters community is a very good idea for support.


Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Remember there is no fear in love.❤️

DigitalAUK August 12, 2020 11:47

Oh Good luck with panel @nofearinlove and hope stage 2 is going well for you @oreo28. We would love to speak to you further. Please can you email me on [email protected] - mark it for my attention (Charlotte)

Thanks so much.

Charlotte

Cherrytree14 August 15, 2020 10:37

Hello Charlotte

We are a BAME couple who were approved in March. We are more than happy to share our experiences and would love to be able to be a part of a BME community. As many adopters have said, it's been a rollercoaster of emotions.

Look forward to hearing from you,

nofearinlove August 15, 2020 11:19

@ Cherrytree14 thanks for your message, we got a recommendation for approval which is exciting. Where are you at now with family finding. Have you been matched since then. I am interested in knowing how the next stage of matching is. I am working against time as my employer has a plan in mind for my leave absence starting January being a teacher leave cant be spontaneous has to be planned. I hope and pray that it all work out for January but no one is sure.


Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Remember there is no fear in love.❤️

buafroo September 4, 2020 12:02

Hi Charlotte,

We would love to join a community. Our couple is biracial, we registered with our LA in August 2019, were approved 5 months ago and are still trying to get matched with a sibling group. Our SW is a superstar but we've terribly unlucky so far. We are more than happy to share our experience and would love to join a community and learn from other prospective adopters and adopters.

Runner_Paisley September 5, 2020 17:27

Hi,

I’m happy to contribute, currently in the family finding stage and as others have said it’s a rollercoaster of emotions. I’ve resigned myself to waiting months and months ( maybe a year or so) for a match. It would be good to have a community hub to support each other.

Cherrytree14 September 8, 2020 09:22

@nofearinlove, this process has certainly taught me to exercise patience which as all adopters will know is pretty challenging. When you want something so eagerly its tricky to wait but of course you don't want to rush into any situation it needs to have a measured approach.

The matching stage has been emotionally draining as there has been quite a period of waiting although lots of proposal of children that sadly are not the right match for us. We were close to progressing to linking just last week to be told less than 24 hours before the meeting that they have decided to proceed with a family more local to the child. As you can imagine this was heartbreaking and we feel we are back to the start.

There are however 2 additional children but it's very early stages as they are awaiting placement orders.

We were told it would all move quite quickly if you are seeking a black child but I realise this is all dependant on the age you may prefer and the agency you are registered with.

Not sure if my response is any help but I hope it all works out and meets your timescales. Totally understand the importance of trying to have a plan to coincide with work and happy to communicate if and when you need it.

Take care.

Serrakunda27 September 8, 2020 11:37

nofearinlove

Just picking up your issue about your employer trying to plan your adoption leave for January

I really don't see that your employer can insist you work to the standard teacher notice period, you are not leaving their employment and they could not tell a pregnant employee when they can go maternity leave.

Don't be pressured into making decsions because your employer is saying this - take advice from your union if necessary

Safia September 8, 2020 13:11

Just to add to the above as an ex-teacher and head teacher - since schools require a particular kind of planning and its slightly different from pregnancy as there is no due date - I think you need to have a discussion with your HT about the reality of matching and placement so they can have a plan in place that meets everyone's needs. This might mean you doing something other than being a full time class teacher - such as covering for non-contact time - for a while or for the school to identify someone who could cover for you without knowing the exact start date - such as a regular supply teacher who knows the school. There is no way you can predict when you will need to start your leave and nor should you be asked to - you do not want that to be a factor in choosing which child is right for you. Communication with whoever needs to know is key and keeping them updated at every stage. This is what I did but as I was HT at the time I was in a slightly different position but I kept the Inspector and Chair of Governors informed at each stage and in fact as we were appointing for a new DHT at the time it was a factor we had to bear in mind when deciding who to appoint.

buafroo October 13, 2020 05:34

Hi Charlotte,

Quick question, are you intending to get in touch with us individually for this or were you interested in us posting a few ideas as a response to your post? We are definitely still very interested in sharing suggestions.

Buafro.

explore11 October 13, 2020 15:24

Hi we are a Asian couple, approved five months ago. We live in a part of the country where there proportionately the number of Asian people (and hence children for adoption) are low. We have not had any discussions regarding children yet. And as a contributor above has mentioned children here on Linkmaker are more likely to be placed closer to their homes rather than be moved across country. Our Adoption Agency tell us its just a "waiting game" but it feels as though there is no clear plan in place to progress . Finding it terribly disheartening.

chestnuttree October 14, 2020 10:50

Hi explore11,

5 months seems like a long time for no discussions about any children. I would question that. Have you seen any children who you felt might be a match on Linkmaker? Have you or your sw contacted any children's sw?

There are a few factors involved regarding location. Placing children away from their current LA means extra time, work and money spend for the LA, because the SW has to travel to see you and the children on various occasions plus they have to pay an inter-agency fee to your LA. Therefore LAs always try to place "their" children with "their" adopters first. This can be challenging though: they might have no adopters of matching ethnicity or the children could be "hard to place" (due to their ethnicity, age, medical conditions etc. That does not mean these children will be harder to parent!) .

Transfer out of the current LA could also mean further disruption for the children (from a certain age on). However, sometimes safety considerations mean sw are actively looking to place children out of their LA. Good luck!

Edited 14/10/20
Marcy October 16, 2020 11:56

Explore 11 I know how you feel. And I also don’t know how many times I can hear “just be patient’. Are you a member of any other support networks such as We Are Family etc? Invited to Exchange days? Corona definitely hasn’t helped. You should speak with your SW, but you are not alone. I’m in exactly the same position.

All the best.

Serrakunda27 October 16, 2020 17:29

Macy, Explore 11, Matching is the worst part of all this. I understand the frustration and irritation about being told to be patient.

But the children who are available for adoption at any one time are the children who are available. It gets harder the more specific you are, whether thats an issue about ethnicity or specifying I want a boy and a girl age 2 and 1. SWs can’t just produce children to fit our criteria.

I think its particularly difficult when you are from an ethnic minority. The child’s ethnicity is not the only matching factor and just because a child shares your ethnicity, it does not mean you are a good match.

So its hard. Whilst I agree with most of what chestnuttree says about location, when I think about all of the adoptive familys I know, and I know a fair few, I can only think of 4 who adopted children from within their own LA area. My son came from a different county. It happens more than you think,

So I won’t say the ‘P’ word, but I will say hang on in there, You got to be in it to win it

chestnuttree October 16, 2020 21:15

I agree with Serrakunda. I did not mean to imply that matching out of your LA is rare. We adopted from across the country and like Serrakunda we know lots of adopters and almost everyone adopted from other LAs.

Matching is a tough time, but you will get there.

Ziggie-Star December 26, 2020 18:02

We are a dual heritage couple. We have a 7 year old little boy that we adopted 6 years ago. He was an out of area placement and we are a racial match. I would be happy to discuss our experiences. I haven’t been on these boards for a while. Not sure why. Just got out of habit I think.

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