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Acknowledgment from agencies after showing interest

KnoxRios January 15, 2020 15:48

Do Agencies bother to reply when showing interest? We have two open discussions and in both cases no one ever bother to tell us a word. We took our time to write quite a lot and tell them why we believe to be a match.

Apple Tree January 15, 2020 19:13

Yes , but in my experience (which isn't great) they do, but sometimes it takes a long time to hear back from them. Perhaps send them a short message to ask for feedback?

Mama Bear January 16, 2020 10:16

We found it varied and could be quite hit and miss. I think it’s ok to give them a nudge for feedback/response.

Furcifer January 16, 2020 13:13

I think in the early stages of the process there’s often a reticence to be seen to be bothering or annoying social workers, but I think there’s a balance between being demanding and pushy and being politely assertive. Besides, you will need to develop sharp elbows and the hide of a rhino once a child is placed with you to fight for the support and services which they will most likely need! You will become the greatest advocate your child will ever have - and, on occasions, that involves ruffling a few feathers.

As others have suggested, I think it would be fine for you to give the professionals a gentle nudge. I always felt better in the process when I was being actively involved, rather than a passive bystander.

Good luck!

bluelizard January 16, 2020 15:50

Good point Furcifer. I remember one of the most difficult things was coping with how "unprofessional" some social workers could be, and also keeping them on side. In my professional life, not getting back to a customer when you say you will, losing paperwork and other such sloppiness, would definitely be frowned upon. But when I started to read about other people's experiences on this forum, I decided that the best tactic for getting to the end of the process was just to treat the whole thing as an exercise in the tolerance needed to be an adoptive parent and giving gentle nudges when I could. (Although, inwardly thinking that some social workers really were the pits and completely unprofessional)

windfalls January 17, 2020 09:33

In my experience they hardly ever let you know and when they do some of the reasons for turning you down are just unbelievable. We adopted 12 years ago and waited over a year before we were matched and i must say it was one of the worst times in my life because of the lack of professionalism on behalf of social workers - and it was nothing to do with being over worked and a lot to do with a complete lack of courtesy and respect. I remember one child we were linked with - we forwarded a list of questions to the child's social workers only to be told that we were not their preferred couple and so they were not going to answer any of our questions!! Lots of times they never even bothered letting us know whether or not we had been successful when showing interest in a child. The worst part was when we were actually linked with our now daughter - it was a competitive match with two other couples and the LA were going to make a decision on a particular day - that day i spent glued to the phone and a complete emotional wreck. They had said that they would let us know the decision asap - the day came and went with no response - found out the next day that the meeting had been cancelled because someone was ill and yet nobody saw fit to let any of the families know! Absolutely appalling.

We were also turned down for one child because our house was too clean!! - i kid you not! - of course my house was clean i had an older bs who was at school and i was a stay at home mum who knew social workers were turning up and so the house sparkled. It doesn't sparkle now!! We were turned down for another child because the child had birth family in Wokingham and we had friends in Woking and so there was a risk that we might bump into them!! - don't think geography was their strongest subject!!

So i agree with the above - develop sharp elbows, a thick hide and be assertive!!

best wishes xx

GK1309 January 17, 2020 19:38

Sometimes they do take their time and I do understand they are busy but waiting a couple of weeks is very frustrating. When you have been on the adoption journey and are just so close to end and becoming a parent the last thing you want is to be messed around. We have had no replies, 3 weeks to reply, same day reply. If we ever got to a stage where we had shown an interest and it may be developing further our social worker would get involved as to not add to the delay and to basically show them we are serious and hopefully they would pull their finger out. At the end of the day we are doing this for the children so they should always be a priorty and come first, it boggles me why they delay. Look at all these lovely parents wanting to adopt a child, they want it more than anything. I know I did.

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